Clogged

Today in chemistry, the ICPMS nebulizer got clogged.

Translation: I took an acid spray to the neck.

Neck: Unscathed

Attitude: Pissed I have to go back tomorrow and finish my experiment.

There's levels and you aren't there yet boo!

I had the most interesting conversation with some undergrads the other night.

Yes, undergrads.

I have an undergrad that I'm mentoring and I was in her apartment with her undergrad friends when one of them told an interesting story.

You ready?



Let's go!


So the undergrad starts talking about how she met this girl who is an RA and she's married to another RA...who works and lives in a different building. She was completely flabbergasted and asked

"What makes it a marriage if they don't live together?"

GIRL!

So there I was....the only person in the room with picture of engagement rings in their phone, thinking this girl can't be serious.

In my phone...as we speak!

But she was.

Dead ass.

So I said "the commitment."

Then she said " yea but what else?"

I was so out done y'all. Completely. So I literally said

"Have you ever wanted to be married...like to a particular person?"

Of course she hadn't.

So I said "As the only person in here with picture of engagement rings in my phone, the commitment is everything. Its a shared life, a shared vision. She's my first thought and my last, and most of the ones in the middle. Its the fact that you consider someone before your self and its as natural as breathing. Choosing her in thought, word, and deed. That's commitment. That's fidelity. Its everything."



Undergrad: "Oh....ok"

Sometimes you have to school the young.

::Drops mic::

Still Applies

Stand here looking in the mirror
Saying damn to myself
I was flipping through her cell phone pictures
That's when I saw somebody else
Now she told me she was just a friend
But friends don't send pictures like that
I didn't even start an argument
Grabbed my louis bags and packed thinking
(Why) why you wanna do this to me
(We) we were supposed to get married
Did you ever stop to think at all
This will tear a hole in me
Did you ever even care at all
That I'd be questioning


Will I ever love again) will I ever love again
(Will I ever trust again) will I ever trust again
(Will I ever feel again)
The kinda of love that I felt for her
Until then I'll just be a broken girl

Thanks Anthony….I was feeling just this type of way.

Danielle on Marriage

"My goodness out of 7 billion people on this planet, if you find one person that will love you unconditionally you should be able to shout that from the roof top, celebrate that and legalize that."

Doorway

When the depths of despair surround me
When there's a crushing weight on my heart
When I'm broken
Jesus

I love that I can get lost in Him
I love that if I truly worship, when there's less of me and more of Him
All that despair, all that weight, all that brokenness
Is made perfect
Its made whole
Its made lovely

I love that if I can focus on Him, I can't feel so much the pain of this world
But so much more the love of a Father towards his daughter

When I come back from battle
Wounded
Weary
Confused
He is that absence of those things

If I can lose myself in worship
I can lose my pain in worship

Worship is the greatest medication
Worship is my escape

When the pain is just too much
He's always there opening a doorway to freedom

Defense

I'm defending my PhD November 19th, 2014 in Omaha, Nebraska.

I'm getting my PhD November 19th, 2014.

November 19th will forever be a holiday in my life.

Me and the Original PhD!

I am...

about to drop some truth…

Ready to hear it?

Here it go!

I am deeply monogamous. My soul can only love one person at a time. I'm just profoundly focused in my ability to love.

I honestly can't see anyone else but the person I love. I don't consider anyone else. I can hardly find anyone else attractive in a sexual way. I'm unwaveringly monogamous.

The more you know….

I love me some him...

The him I'm talking about?

This is my high school sweet heart. He's the sweetest man I've ever had the pleasure of dating. To this day, he always takes my calls. He checks on me and talks to me when I'm driving home from lab at 2am. He knows me, truly. He sees me, deeply fragile, and handles me like the finest of china. I wish everyone had the opportunity to have both had his affection AND to be his ex.

Being this man's ex is beautiful.
Its life affirming.
Its challenging.
Its inspiring.
Its being loved even if you're not in love.

He loves me with zero expectation of anything.
He just does.
And I love him back.
Fiercely.
It just is.
We just are.
We are the very best that can come from a romantic relationship that ends.

I trust him.
Implicitly.
He tells me the truth, with a butterfly needle.
He gives me space to work it out, but he holds me while I do it.
He's phenomenal.

I love me some him. Lord knows there's a special place in my heart where he lives.

When Wisdom Speaks...

Wednesday night I went to see Melissa Harris Perry give a profound lecture on mental health. I'm going to write about that later. I want to give you a small morsel that I found invaluable from tonight.

Now I have a practice when listening to lectures considering it is almost half my job at the moment. I take what someone says and I turn it into my own language so that it applies to me.

What I heard and interpreted tonight was….

If you find someone who sees you and loves you anyway, befriend them.
If you find someone who you see, clearly flawed and tragically beautiful, and love them anyway and they see you and love you the same, marry them.
It is the seeing and accepting of each other that makes marriage possible.

Roll that around in your head a while…

Lost and Found

A few nights ago I dreamed a dream where I said

"I've found the one my soul loves" to everyone dear to me.

I'd actually found the one my soul loves...

It was magnificent.

With You...

I don't want to stop loving you
I don't want to have something else, someone else
be my first thought
I want you to see the infinite possibility of us
Us
We
You and Me

I want years and sunsets
vacations and operas
houses and babies
I want dinners and walks
pregnancies and sunrises
I want to watch you sleep out of the corner of my eye while I drive
I want family reunions and rings
baby dedications and quiet evenings
I want a roaring fire with you by my side
roller coasters and conversations over breakfast
I want to see you see yourself in our child
I want you to fall asleep on my shoulder
I want you to know I'll take care of you always
I want morning sickness and passion
arguments and laughter
I want you to reach for me when you're asleep
I want cuddles and Easter egg hunts
I want to wrap presents when the kids are asleep
I want dinner cruises
long days at work and weekends that end too soon
I want Broadway shows and spa days
I want to see your face light up when I walk off a plane
I want you to see China and Wyoming
I want to open my eyes and see your face everyday
I want to go to the gym and the beach
I want days and mornings
I want to hold your hand
I want to see your face when you hear our baby's heartbeat
I want packed lunches and starched shirts
I want to try and bribe you to go get the baby in the middle of the night
I want to tell the world and I want to keep you to myself
I want to rub your feet after a long day
spend Saturday in pajamas
I want fancy watches and picnics
I want to look down at my hand and know you chose me
You choose me
Everyday
I want you to belong to me
and I you
I want deep breaths and gratitude

I want everything

Happy
Aggravating
Joy-filled
Woeful
Passionate
Annoying
Blissful
Deep
Beautiful
Fiery
Awe inspiring
Supple
Life affirming
Desperate
Exhilarating
Deliberate
Available
Open
Ignited
Grateful
Kind
Glowing
Hard
Infuriating
Vivacious
 Soft

and I want it with you....

What I Know for Sure: Overnight Lab Edition

I know for sure that office chairs weren't designed for adequate sleep.

I know for sure that researchers aren't morning people. I may or may not have walked down the hall in only an oversized shirt at 7 am but no one will ever know...

I know for sure that your time points alarm should be something you love. Mine is Beyonce....and its also ML's ring tone.

I know for sure that sweats are the key to comfort....sweats and the oldest jeans you own.

Sweats for the gym and the lab!

I know for sure that you'll fall asleep standing up just because you're tired and your back hurts....office chair and all.

Secondaries

So I'm smack dab in the middle of applying to medical school. I've applied via AMCAS, submitted all my stuff and had it verified and sent out to schools.

I've gotten secondaries from

Duke
UMichigan
Oakland
The Ohio State
ECU
Northwestern
St. Louis
Howard

And I've turned in all those secondaries. I am determined not to be behind. Even Northwestern and their 4 required essays were completed with a 2 day turn around because I've got another 60 pages to write on my dissertation so I don't have time to be pussy-footing around with these secondaries.

I also wanted to get my secondaries out of the way because interviews require traveling and I am still writing my dissertation so I wanted to apply as early as possible so I could have a great pick of interview dates.

So that's where we are. I'll start posting some of the essays I wrote as I have the interviews at those schools. Those will make for some interesting posts I'm sure.

Natural Hair...

I'm natural.

Been natural since January 16, 2012.

Now my becoming natural was a process.

A long one, but let's start at the beginning.

This is my most professional portrait.

Well most professional in which I'm not wearing my academic regalia.

For years I looked like the above. Well maintained, sitting 9 am appt with my hair dresser, Renee, in a suburb of Omaha.  I drove to Bellevue faithfully to get my every 12 week relaxer and every other week roller set.

I was a believer in all things Mizani.

And yes…I think selfies are everything.

These photos are actually from the beginning of my transition, but this was how much length I had. 

Let's parlay back to my deeply entrenched relaxer days shall we!

 

Back when the roots were chemically straighten!

I took my hair very seriously!

I never put heat on it myself and I didn't do anything to damage it. The best pics were the ones I took on my laptop after these hair appts. I clearly lacked not for thinking my hair was a complete slay.

Roots were so straight and hair was so regularly laid that I was asked on more than one occasion what I was mixed with?!?!? O____O 

The assumption that I couldn't be all Black with this hair was annoy, but your girl's had was bawse.

When I started transitioning, Renee just gave me roller sets and I rocked those.

Transitioning: The Early Days

The beginning of my curl pattern!  I was super geeked at this point but I still had no idea what my hair would actually look like.

Another transition style still early on.

Eight months into my transition my lab moved to North Carolina and that means I left my hair dresser. My mother wanted me to get one more perm before I left but I was way too in love with my texture for that. I tried extensions but that isn't for me. My scalp almost got infected and I basically had flu like symptoms for a week. It was awful but I looked cute!

This lasted a whole week O__O

After that I decided not to get my hair done by anyone but myself of the natural hair salon.

Yup….pulled my hair so tight you'd have thought some lye had rested upon my scalp but it has NOT!

Though beautiful, it didn't last long. 

My normal go too style eventually became 

Yup….conditioner as a styling product on wet, detangled hair and swooped back into a low bun.  

It was boring but it was definitely my style. Obviously, I intermittently got roller sets and even got my hair straighten but it wasn't something I liked. For some reason the longer I was natural, the less interested I was and am in having other people do my hair. 

The last time I got it straightened while transitioning

Finally, it was time for ML's graduation and I decided I was done transitioning. I'd planned to go 1.5 years but I ended up going 16 months.

Transition life!

Big Chop with Karma!

Laid

for

the

gods

and

baby

Jesus!

Easy breezy beautiful!

Karma, my stylist, handled the big chop and style and I loved it!

Technically this is the end of my transition but I'll show you some pics of what else I've been up to hair wise intermittently on here. I love all things natural hair and I love doing mine. Currently, I'm a once a week hair styler and I'm doing LOC regiment with great results.

The last time had it straightened was April and it was 3 inches from bra strap length.

I plan to straighten it for medical school interviews. That's the only time its straight. Period. Full stop.