The Male Version of Me

I hadn't seen your face in years until yesterday.
Last night I dreamed of you.

You were a dental student in your short white coat and me, a med student, in mine. I saw you on campus and I walked up to you, slighting cocking my head.
"Is it really him?" I thought.

You hugged me, the same way you hugged me the night I saw you in real life at our very first homecoming as HU Alumni.
The kind of bear hug that makes you feel safe and loved and wanted just for existing in the world.

You asked me what was up with her and I told you it was over. You were surprised.

You said you needed to destress and could we go to the park later.

As I walked away I said "Yea, my number is still the same."

For many years you were my companion: steadfast, proverbially by my side, a complete open book to me and me to you.

It was the most beautiful of things to be so close to a man without any impurity.
You very well may be the only heterosexual man I have ever or will ever love.
Our friendship burned white hot until suddenly all the air was sucked out of the room and the flame vanished.
But I can still feel the faint warmth of what it was to be nearly inextricable from you, the female version of you.

I miss you James.

16 lbs of Joy

Today, I order my favorite sugar that I always used in Nebraska for my baking needs. Its finer than regular sugar but itsn't powdered. The crumble it produces is divine.

I paid $15 to have it shipped to me on top of the $5/ 4 lb carton.

16 lbs of sugar is on the way and yes, it is one of my birthday presents to myself!