Forest Life

Will your heart and soul say yes?

Will your spirit still say yes?

There is more that I require of thee.

Will your heart and soul say yes?

This is such an interesting place to be with God. 

I've always been willing to say yes. 

I've said yes over and over again. 

For the first time I find myself saying yes but no longer wanting the thing I'm saying yes to. 

I don't know how God will move nor do I know when. What I do know is that what I know He has for me is something I'm very happily and comfortably living without. 

Clinic is going great.

I've found another phenomenal mentor.

She's expanding my responsibilities and letting me be even more involved that I have been.

I'll be training a new batch of students this Thursday.

I've started doing some work in primary care pediatrics with her.

The place I'm in with medicine is the same place I was in with Valerie in science. 

God's been so faithful in the area of medicine.

He told me that HUCM was the place He had for me and I've been able to do so much here.

Will your heart and soul say yes?

Will your spirit still say yes?

If I told you what I really need from thee....

would your heart and soul say yes?

I love caring for my athletes.

They trust me.

They come to me with their concerns.

They ask about school.

The team's playing great.

I'll obey Jesus.

I won't stray Jesus.

This time, I've made up in my mind, I'll say yes.

My soul says yes.

My mind says yes

My heart say Yes

Yes

Yes I will Jesus.

Yes.

I 'll do what you want me to do.

I'll say what you want me to say.

I'll go

If you lead me

If you lead me

If you lead me

If you lead me

I'll go.

Between going to soccer practices every morning I'm free, clinic time, and studying my life is full in the best of ways. I love all of it. I really don't feel like anything is lacking. Ohhh....but God. God wants more from me. What He wants for me complicates my life. It makes the straight way curvy and the wide passages narrow. This song has been on my heart and I see why. He wants me to say yes......

All God wants is yes.

Today the Word of God talked about the "again" season. That God can bring something back to you to show you His own sovereignty in your life is mind blowing. The magnitude of the idea that God is so concerned with me that He is individually setting up my life so that I can have a closer walk with Him is beyond my comprehension.  The idea that anything might come back It's swirling around in my head because I don't want to move. 

I've got peace like a babbling brook. 

I'm so comfortable. 

I'm so incredibly happy. 

Giggle for no reason happy. 

Walk by the mirror and smile at myself happy.

Except this nagging in my spirit that God is calling me to more. 

I won't be afraid.

I'll step out on your word. 

I'll declare your glory.

Yes I will.

My soul says yes.

David prayed, heard from God, and went up to defeat the Philistines.(1 Chronicles 14:8-17)  Though the first time he'd defeated them using his abilities as a warrior, this time the Lord told him to wait for the wind in the trees. The wind would be the sign that God had gone before David and that the enemy had been defeated. 

God told David to wait.  

Waiting can in so many ways perfect your faith and be a salve to the soul. Its the waiting space that has allowed for so many things that bring me joy in my life.

My mentor says you can believe God for a promise but what are you going to do until it gets here? Being able to stay right where God has you until God tells you to move is indicative of a relationship that's growing in its unshakable and implicit trust of God. He's growing me in this way. 

I'm having a David in the trees moment right now. I'm waiting for the wind....

What I never thought would happen is that I'd love the trees so much that I'm not looking forward to the wind. 

Lord, 

Help your servant to do better and to be better. I know all you want is yes. I know You know I'll move when the wind comes but help my heart to be joyful when it happens because right now I can't see it. The forest has become home. Help me to be more comfortable with the uncomfortable reality that the forest is not my permanent dwelling place. I know you want more from me. I know you've put more in me that I'm not using. Let not my fail humanity hinder your purpose. I know you can change my mind and make it so that my response to you is exuberant. When the wind blows, I know you will put a smile in my heart and glee on my face. I know you will because you've done it before. God, continue to be who you are and help me be all you've called me to.

Now may the grace of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ rest, rule, and abide in my life today and all days. 

Amen

So Here's What I Think

Consider with me for a moment the following scenario...

A physician is the best in the world at what she does. Let's say she's a hand surgeon. She's literally the best to ever do hand surgery. The surgeons that trained her willingly admit she's better than they are, the surgeons that mentored her are sort of in awe of her ability with a scalpel, and her peers are willing to admit that she is unlike any other.

She reattaches severed hands, fingers, makes impossible the possible, innovates in the field, and creates a surgical technique that re-routes the hand muscles so that people who lose their thumbs can have their index or middle fingers turned into thumbs. She's THAT good.

She travels the world being brilliant. As a member of the humanitarian envoy, she goes to all the places that have been ravaged by wars started in the name of destroying terrorism, and repairs the hands of children and adults alike. She's a shining beacon of light for her skills.
BUT..... she's not the nicest person in the world. She's sort of an introvert. She will allow people to be trained with her but she's not going to hold any hands or without any punches. If your technique is trash, she'll tell you. She'll openly tell another surgeon's patients that they are better off waiting the 1.5 years to get on her schedule because she the best. And in fact.....she's right. She is the best.

Her personal life isn't nearly as together as her public life is. She's in a marriage that some don't understand. She says harsh things sometimes, speaks without thinking. She's not the easiest person by a mile to deal with or understand, but she's a surgeon and who really understands them anyway.

A treaty is signed. There won't be any more war for quite a while. As time passes, she continues to be who she is and the head of the envoy she travels with on humanitarian missions to war torn places grows weary of her as the number of war torn places dwindles. They're tired of dealing with "the best." On their last trip to a war torn country,  she divulges that a surgical team assisting them with this mission is incompetent and slowed her down during a press conference. Its the last straw. Though she can do alone what it takes a team to do and she can do it faster than any team can do it, the head of the humanitarian missions group decides they no longer want to take her. They make a formal announcement to such. They never disparage her skill but they announce that she is no longer going to be on the humanitarian teams. She continues to practice at her local university, continues being the best.

What would you think? Is this okay? Is it okay to do this?

The above scenario is exactly what happened to Hope Solo. While she is the best to ever play the game as a goalkeeper, she's not necessarily the nicest person. I don't actually know her but I do know a few things.

I know that while she was the ABSOLUTE BEST chance the USWNT had for winning the Women's World Cup in 2015, the Soccer federation was willing to stand by her. They gave her a 30 day suspension for letting her husband drive a federation van while intoxicated. They swept her domestic violence charge under the rug. They closed ranks and stuck together. They also won the World Cup.

After we won the WWC, we had the Olympics. She was still the ABSOLUTE BEST chance the USWNT had for winning Gold. That domestic violence case had been thrown out and re-opened but they carried forward with Solo. They made a HUGE deal of Hope getting her 100th shutout in July. She's the first national team goalkeeper in the WORLD to ever play 100 games without allowing a goal. She's shut out 29 different countries. And US Soccer made damn sure that information was front and center.

At the Olympics, we actually lost in penalties. Often times that is the fault of the goalkeeper but THIS TIME it was not.
Hope made a save. A brilliant athletic save.
One save is really all a goalkeeper can be expected to do when people are taking point blank shoots at them, which is what penalties are.
We lost because two people on the USWNT didn't score their penalties.

After losing to Sweden, who played a smart but boring strategy that allowed them to go to penalties and ultimately win the shootout, Hope called them cowards. Sweden had gotten their heads rocked against Brazil in group play when they played an open style of soccer. Generally speaking, everyone plays open soccer. The US is the best in the world at open soccer. Hope was saying it was cowardly for them to come out and not play the style of soccer that makes soccer "the beautiful game." They knew they couldn't compete because Brazil showed them that but instead of trying to, they shrunk into a shell. <--- That is what she was saying and what would have been understood if journalists reported the truth instead of going for click bait.

Following this and what are said to be "prior offenses" Hope was terminated from the USWNT. Now here in lies the issue.

TIMING

The next big matches for the USWNT are in 2019 to qualify for the WWC. The national team has a few years before that happens meaning they have a few years before they need a really well accomplished goalkeeper with international experience.

Basically....they handed down this punishment now because they no longer NEED Hope Solo. There's nothing at stake! When the WWC or the Olympics were at stake, they were willing to deal with whatever Hope did for the sake of winning. They were willing to spin the story, put up with whatever, and shut up about anything they didn't like because THEY NEEDED HER.

Now they don't need her, so they dismiss her for a small infraction. What they lack here is ethics. You can't tell me calling someone a coward is worse than the drunk driving situation BUT what was coming up within 6 months of the drunk driving situation? The Women's World Cup.
You can't tell me having a open case of domestic abuse against someone is worse than calling an opponent's team coward BUT what was coming up within 8 months of the reopening of the case? The Olympics. 

You either have a problem with these bigger issues or you don't. You can't wait until its covenient for your schedule or its no longer going to hurt your chances of winning to punish someone for something you think it wrong. You either punish them when they do something wrong or you choose to let it go. 

Essentially what they wanted to do was keep the amazing goalkeeper but lose the personality that is Hope Solo and I'm here to tell you the the amazing goal keeper and the personality are one and the same.
Hope Solo is one person.
The way US Soccer used her for her abilities and now wants to throw her out because she's not longer that critical linchpin for them and they not longer need her is disgusting.
They used her to get what the wanted and when they couldn't get anything else, they tossed her out. The behavior that Solo has displayed has been very questionable but what the federation has done is vile.

You don't throw people away.

She Was Having None of That

So the other day my sister was at her biweekly hair appt. She still goes to the same hair dresser we went to as teens and I'd go too if it wasn't for the natural situation I'm sporting. :-P

Our hairdresser is awesome. Anyway I digress.

She's in there with this lady who's in my mom's sorority and we were raised with her kids. One of them is my age and he's an ER resident. Apparently he called his mom and she let him speak to my sister. He asked about me.

Boy: What's your sister doing?
Sibling: She's about to start her 2nd year of med school.
Boy: Wait what?!?!?
Sibling: Yea she goes to Howard.
Boy: Your sister's an idiot.
Sibling: No she's not. She's brilliant and unique.

Yup.....the Sibling was basically like "Don't be mad because you could never."

She's something else.

But she's mine!

Dr. Williams Squared

Touch

I have been blessed to grow up with a ton of tangibles:
house, car, clothes, shoes, a brand new imported saxophone to start high school. You name it...if you could buy it and I needed it, I got it. Heck....I got a lot of stuff I didn't actually need either.

What I've found is that that which you don't get are the things you crave.

I want.....intangibles.
Places to say how I really feel without judgement or condemnation.
Space to be what I am as opposed to what I'm supposed to be.
Loyalty of the caliber I feel I've shown.
I want to be respected as an individual in the world with independent thoughts and intrinsic motivation.
I want to be valued physically and not just mentally, to touch and be touched.
I value my mind tremendously but I'd like to know what its like to be valued for mere existence.
Devotion to a common goal or ideal.

I have things.
I want what can't be bought with currency.

I'm Sure

So earlier this week I was on the phone with my mother who asked me about the HPV vaccine. Ironically enough HPV is on my exam on Tuesday. Our first test is general principles of pathology, microbiology, and intro to pharmacology. The HPV vaccine is a cancer vaccine since the majority of people who develop cervical cancer have had this virus. Its critical that people get it, both boys and girls. When it was coming about in my teen years, I knew I didn't need it.

The HPV vaccine isn't as necessary for women who don't sleep with men. Anyone who engages in sex with men should most definitely get it. So I told my mom that it was for "heterosexual women and men."

She was like "You're not heterosexual? You don't think you're a girl?"

I had to patiently explain that she was confusing gender with sexuality and that I am a girl who thinks I'm a girl which means I'm cis-gendered. I am not heterosexual, aka straight.

So yea...she goes on her "I have been watching you your whole life and you definitely liked guys."

I told her as clearly as I could that I wanted to get married and I thought the only way I could was to marry a guy. My whole goal was to be considered an adult. You see in my family, you're not really grown until you're married. I just wanted to be able to tell folks "No, I can't make it because my spouse and I....." or "I have to check with my spouse" and getting out of doing things I didn't want to do. Of course I didn't lay it out to my mother that clearly but that's the truth.

Then she went on this "Well you met girls who liked girls in college and you are being influenced" talk. I redirected her to the fact that I dated girls in high school.

Then she tried "You should at least try men before you claim to be gay."

EXCUSE ME.... WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Yes. you read correctly. My mother suggested I engage in an activity that gives people permanent diseases and kids "just" to be sure I don't want to be with men!

I'd also like to point out the fact that my mother clearly thinks I'm completely inexperienced with men. That's laughable since I'm cute and 29 but okay girl.

Anyway, it was totally and completely weird. She went on to say this is my only life so I need to be sure so I should give men a try. I was so out done. I had to get her off my phone because at this point I'd put her on mute and was leaping around my apartment in response to this foolishment.

I'm sure girl.

I'm going to propose. 

I'm getting married. 

She's going to have my name and my babies. 

I'm sure.

#I'mWithSteph

Let me tell you what I was not expecting.

I was not expecting the crowd at the Canada v. Australia  to be yelling the Portuguese equivalent of "fagot" at my goalkeeper.

I was quite simply unprepared.

Yes she's an openly gay female athlete....but newsflash: A whole heap of female athletes are gay whether they're open or not.  I promise you at least one of the women wearing the Brazilian jersey is same gender loving.

In no way would it be okay to yell a slur at any athlete in the US. That awful example of humanity would be thrown out of any of our arenas in the US for any sport. Specifically, US WoSo is a safe space for all of the LGBT+ crowd. We're lovely in the US.

Apparently, in Brazil, its perfectly fine to shout disrespectful and degrading words as a collective at a woman you don't know.

Brazil is such a disappointment.

Canada wasn't. Even though she didn't have a stellar performance, the group defending one player down made sure that Steph walked away with a clean sheet AND the win.

Steph's my goalkeeper.
She plays for my club team.
She's our #1.
This is personal.

I'm behind you Steph.

We all are.

#WeWill