And Still

You know...I use to cry a lot. I mean I still cry often but it wasn't under a few nights ago, when I finally had that honest conversation with myself, and realized yup.....that still hurts.
Yup....you miss her.
Yup....its not easy to hold that comment about her that comes so naturally.
Yup....all of that emotion is still there.

So I cried.

And that's okay.

One of the things I love about TWLOHA is the idea that you don't have to fake it. You don't have to pretend to be okay. I'm just like anyone else. I struggle and I have hard days. Sometimes I do want to quit and that's a real emotion. I'm entitled to feel that. To explore the nuances of it and figure out what the situation really means to me and what's its actually bringing up for me. <-- A right and a privilege
I was running though a scenario in my head the other night that involved the statement "I miss you." That was it....the floodgates were open.

I am not saying quitting is a good idea. I believe the not quitting in the face of adversity is more satisfying. I've found it to be true for me. I've found God to be faithful to those who stay in His will and try to seek after goodness. I also know that I can feel my feelings and that space that isn't rainbows and sunshine....I can hold that space too and be ok in it.

So I cried....I slept, I got up the next day, and guess what?

I'm still me and God's still God.

That's good enough for me.