I have spent many years serving in various churches in Omaha and in North Carolina. I've been diligent and dedicated.
I'm devoutly Christian and humbled to offer my gifts and talents in the House of God.
BUT
The House of God hasn't always wanted them.
I'm about to tell an unfortunate truth. The Church doesn't always operate the way it should. In my case....its been interesting.
So let's go back.
I served at an AWESOME church in Omaha. At the church I really grew into who I am as an adult Christian. I took hold of my own faith and deepened my relationship with God in so many ways.
Except....my obsession with getting married. You heard right. I was obsessed.
I wanted to get married SOOOOOOOOO badly. Quite honestly I didn't want to be alone.
This was the time at which I first a) fasted from dating for a year to refocus my life on the Lord and b) concieved of the idea that if my friends and I never got married we could have babies together and raise them together <----first sign that I'd like to raise kids with a woman.
Like most girls, I just assumed I was a heterosexual. I dated boys and I liked them. I liked company. I liked cuddling. I liked not being alone. <---- Doesn't make you a heterosexual. I didn't realize that though so I just went along on my merry way.
Now I'd always taken my faith very seriously and I have been very devout for years. So obviously I remain devout. And I served alot.
Fast Forward
My lab moves and I find another, seemingly awesome church. I served there a TON!
I served there every week doing lighting programming and every other week doing both programming and operating the board on Sundays. Just to give you an idea.....that's 5 hrs every week and 18 hours of the weeks I served on Sundays.
I was pulling a ton of hours and there was slight chatter of a position being opened because I was clearly meeting a need.
Well at the same time in my life I'd started to realize that I wasn't attracted to men in the way most heterosexual women are. And one special lady caught my eye and let's just say I started mentioning her. I'd bring her up with other people brought up their significant others. I even gave people advice about their relationships based on what was working in mine. Yup....I fully integrated my love life into my regular life and when it came time to say something I said...
I'm bisexual.
And when I realized that to be bisexual you actually had to be open to having sex with both men and women, I realized I needed to amend that statement to.....
I'm a lesbian.
One sweet day I'll buy one of these and get down on one knee....
Now... all the while I'm doing this in my life and its just kind of washing over into other parts of my life. My work life knew about this lady, church life knew. Everyone knew.
And around that time the conversation just died out about a position at work and I let it.
Only a few weeks later I found out that....
The church hired someone to do that job. Someone who wasn't so you say "technically qualified." I was actually asked why I wasn't doing it anymore and there were complaints. I found out later for a sympathetic friend that they liked his ideas behind theology better and that they suspected I wasn't heterosexual. They hired someone for their lifestyle not their technical ability.
Because Jesus said so much about how only heterosexuals can serve in church and lead people to Christ? (He said no such thing!)
So yea...that hurt.
Fast Forward to Today!
Today I had coffee with the Young Adult Pastor's Wife and the Director of Young Adults. I was asked was there anyone special...
I said their was and I said he is a she.
I told them about her and consequently came out as a homosexual.
And they took it GREAT!
Pastor's wife prayed for me, my life, my career, my Christian community and for my lady. It was astounding. I've never in my life thought that that was a thing. I was so unprepared for the fact that she loved me anyway. And told me so!
I was overwhelmed by the fact that in her prayers for me she'd include my love.
Had I not lived it I wouldn't believe it.
She did say that it challenges her in some areas because she's only seen gay people be defined by their homosexuality and she knows me and knows that my life isn't defined that way. I'm just as devoutly Christian and just as gay. And I told her my Christianity informs my sexuality. I don't behave in ways I feel aren't appropriate for my Christianity despite what gay culture might tell me is ok. I still want marriage and kids, but with a woman.
It was awesome.
And I just got a text message from the Director of Young Adults saying "Is she coming to your graduation in May because I'd love to meet her."
Mind. Blown.
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