When she called me to say that her best friend was gone, I went to Jesus.
When I read that her sisters, nieces, and nephew had been killed in a car accident, I went to Jesus.
For some reason Jesus has decided to put me in situations of extreme grief. I'm not sure what He's doing in me or through me but its something because it keeps happening.
Tonight was Date Auction. As a member of the executive board of my class, I was in attendance. As I was driving away I saw some holding what looked like a sobbing girl.
I know that girl.
So I rolled down my window and asked if she needed a ride. The girl holding her said yes.
She walked up to my car window and said "My sister was raped."
Not 5 minutes later she told me she'd found out because she'd been roofied 2 weeks prior to today and called her sister who proceeded to tell her that much worse had happened to her. Her sister was raped two years ago.
We sat in my car, as I've sat with quite a few people, and I held space for her to be broken.
I don't know why God keeps giving me these intersections with people. I don't know His purpose for this but each and every time I find that I have all the tools I need to be whatever they need me to be.
God equips those He calls.
People need people. Humanness is messy and ugly and flawed and awe inspiring. I'm so amazed by how many people lack the intimacy in their relationships to be truly broken. Maybe its a consequence of my own celibacy journey, but I'm capable of being incredibly emotionally intimate, open, and vulnerable within the context of non-sexual expression. That's what I was able to offer her.
Space for brokenness
Space to be devastated
Space to feel
As she got into her building I felt my personality coming back. There's this thing that happens to me when the me in me is decreasing and the God in me is increasing. There a shift in my energy, in my personality, my demeanor, even my pattern of speech. There's this place where I can be small enough that God can be big in me. I can't even recollect exactly what I said because it honestly wasn't me. I don't ever realize I've gone there until I'm coming back out of it but how amazing is God?
I'm so thankful that I know Him and He can move through me. I'm in awe of who He is the fact that He keeps using me. I don't get it....I don't understand it but its a thing. There's a very clear pattern.
There is no coincidence. God very clearly sends me on divine assignments.
Lord,
Use me as you wish. If I'm to be what people know of a gentle, loving and kind God continue to mold me. I know you've got more to do in me. I know there are places that haven't be cleaned out and made to be like you. Help me to do that work as well Father, that I might be as useful to you as I can be. This is is so heavy God but I'm so thankful that I know you and I can seek you and find you and be comforted in your presence. In her brokenness, she was deeply aware of her loneliness and I'm so thankful that this relationship means that I am never over alone or forsaken. I am always connected and for that I am so grateful.
You are an awesome God and I thank you for the opportunity to be a small glimpse of you in the lives of other people. Let not my humanity hinder your will in my life.
I love you so much.
Amen.
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