Forward

This morning, I stopped at my local suburb's B&N and picked up my first ever release day hardback book.

I have a Wambach jersey. I've watched at least 100 of the goals she's scored. I'm a unequivocal fan.

So this morning, I bought Forward, Abby's memoir. This evening, I've read the entire thing cover to cover.

I have quite a few takeaways.

1. Take nothing away from Abby on the field because she never once played under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Additionally, nothing she was on is a banned substance.

2. Abby's main abuse of prescription drugs and alcohol was during off times for soccer. Every time soccer was gearing up, she'd quit all of that and commit herself to international play. Soccer is cyclical. It happens for 2 years and then it goes away from 2 years on the international stage for American women.

3. The break that Abby took from NWSL wasn't general disinterest in playing club soccer. She didn't play for the NWSL because she was trying to save her marriage. That's commendable.

4. It is completely possible to give yourself to something so much so that you can't really be in anything else fully. Abby found this to be true of soccer and her marriage. She gave so much to soccer that she really didn't have much left for her marriage. Even when she wanted to prioritize it, she'd given her heart decades before to the game.

5. The pain associated with being the gay kid that she felt wouldn't meet her mother's standards and wasn't loveable drove Abby. She just wanted to be seen and approved of and she got that from the game. Scoring goals let her feel that love and acceptance she so craved. Losing the game meant losing the way she thought she mattered in the world. I get that on the most visceral of levels. When my identity as an intellectual was shaken, I felt I didn't matter in the world as well. Its tough but she's on the upswing from that. I'm can tell her it definitely definitely gets better.

6. All athletes don't play for the same reason. These psych skills might get somewhat of a workout. I think understanding motivation will be key for me as a team doc.

7. Abby has real people friends. I always worry about people who are famous because they may not have real people friends who will tell them the hard things. I never would have thought that one of those people would be Syd but there she was, challenging Abs, pushing Abs, and crying with her. I always looked at them and thought that it was an interesting relationship. Syd the Kid and Abs as besties makes complete sense now.

8. Abby's wife stuck by her for a long time even when it wasn't great. I don't quite understand irreconcilable differences but they are apparently a thing. Abby has nothing but love for Sarah and when she really needed Sarah to show up, she did. Sarah even tabled their issues so that Abby could focus on the WWC. Sarah was also there when Abby retired but didn't go on the field. I'm glad she did that. That was a huge critique I had of her last year because I felt like at minimum Sarah should be there as a friend and she was.  Sarah bailed her out of jail despite the fact that their marriage was essentially non-existent at the time.  They really made a go of it and sometimes the things you carry into a relationship will ultimately be its downfall but damn it if they didn't try.

9. Athletes need help.
That message was loud and clear.
This was by far the most beneficial to me because I want to work with elite female athletes. I do work with elite female athletes. We ask them a battery of questions before we give them an Ibuprofen and they expect it. One of my girls torn her ACL last week and she got an NSAID first and upon further complaint got Tramadol. She also got a script for like 2 days worth of an opoid. We don't play.

I have successfully built relationships with my athletes that have me looking at everything from bug bites to prescriptions they got from their physicians to asking what they can take and letting use get a brief history and maybe exam before making a decision. They know its for their good. They know I'll explain anything they want to know from mechanism to dosing. They trust me. That's what I want to continue to build. That's what I want with all my athletes in the future.

I never considered it but I'll probably need to try and get so training in addictive behaviors because they honestly are in a significant amount of pain sometimes. Pain management has to be a dance between the player and the physician and I want them to trust me to lead. When I work with the National Team, I'll fly out myself and do house calls. I want them to know that that's who I am as a physician, that's the level of care they can expect, and that "first do no harm" is at the forefront of my mind.

I want them to know they can call me. If anything gets out of control, I'm here and patient-doctor confidentiality is real. It doesn't matter who is paying me to be there, I'll be there, I'll stay as long as you need, and I'm ethically bound to maintain my patient's confidence.

Abby's memoir really opened my eyes to what I need to do to take care of my athletes both physically and otherwise. I know its going to challenge me and my future wife for me to practice medicine in a way that best helps my athletes but for just those 25 women, I want their medical care to be world class just like their soccer is.