Sometimes I get so annoyed that I couldn’t do better by the math teacher when she came along. Trying to deal with feelings for a new girl and unres Loved feelings for an old girl plus the weight of making promises to a God about waiting was too much for me! Yes I can and could and will continue to be able to sleep well at night because I made decisions that lined up with what I felt religiously convicted to do, but it still sucks.
I’ve had two amazing evenings with one of my mentors. She was my plus one for this event at school last night and then tonight I just went to help her out because she worked a double and I just have this thing about doing stuff like that for mentors. If I think you could use the help, I’ll help. You now what I realized tho? The way I live, the way I help, the way I voluntarily spend time in the hospital are al a produce of the way I’ve chosen to live my life. I’m coming up on a decade of celibacy in May, my friend group is largely very studious, and the things I live are academic affairs and curriculum reform. If I had a girlfriend, there’s no way I could be the person I am. I’d have to give so much more and really divide my time much better. My plus one would have been my girlfriend, not a mentor for that event. She’d probsboy have stayed the night st my apartment and I’d have spent today with her. Everything about my life would me different. My mentor and I were talking about that tonight and I’ll say thing: yes I want to be married very much but this precious time wherein I can really cultivate this insane relationships with faculty and do work that students don’t thpically get to do is just as valuable.
I’d love to have spent this weekend with the math teacher but until then, I love spending the weekend with my mentors too.
Also, going on a road trip to see a mentor in action on Tuesday at Duke! #BlackGirlPhD
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