Certainty after Heartbreak

I know we've got something solid.
I'm certain of it.

Its in the things she tells me and the way she treats me.
Its in the way she talks to me and the vulnerability she displays.
I know its real.

But that doesn't mean I don't get scared.

Like when she doesn't text me back quickly.
Or when I haven't heard from her in a few days.

I know we're fine.
But I still have to talk myself into believing that.

I still have to remind myself of how good I am to her and how well I treat her.
I still have to tell myself stories of all the evidence that I have against her disappearing.

Because the truth is, once someone's left you like that
Once someone you never expected to dessert you
does....
it changes you.

It makes you scared.

So I know you're busy.
I know that you're not intentionally ignoring me and trying to send me into a tail spin.
We talked about it even....that that was something I was scared of.
And you were offended that I'd ever think you were capable of such cruelty.
I know we're good.
I talked to you yesterday.
But being left changes you.

I'm so glad that being left didn't make me closed off to you when you showed up.
Choosing you back was the best decision I made this year.
But that scar remains.
So I'll talk to myself,
I'll reassure myself,
until I hear from you.
Because we're good.
I'm certain of it.