That statement has been the hallmark of friendships with me.
I've always been the hard times friend, the you need to cry friend, the devastation is all around you and you need an anchor friend, the prayer warrior friend.
I know I write a lot on here about how I feel and who I am. I just wanted to say I'm still that person. Medical school makes it harder to be that person, but I'm still her. I'm still deeply sensitive and as my friends here say "the most caring friend I've ever had." I'm still the friend that doesn't walk away the the painful stuff, the emotional work of being human. I run towards it because its only made me better.
You know, I promised God I wouldn't walk away from her for a certain amount of time. That's a sacrifice I've made, a statement of faith really. Things hoped for and not yet seen....there's nothing more not seen than the way we are right now.
If she ever came back, if she ever really wanted to try this life thing with me, I'm still here. There's no love lost. There's maturity. There's time and space. There's prayer and growth. But love lost isn't something that exists from me towards her.
If she wanted love, fidelity, and devotion with me, I'm all in.
I don't live in a fantasy. I realize what's happened. I realize we'd have to build trust. I realize we'd have get to know each other again. I realize we aren't the same people we were in July.
I also know that after all this time, I've been silent, distant, and reclusive but I haven't walked away.
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