I'm Sorry you feel that way

If someone tells you something you wholeheartedly reject as truth, what do you do about it?

I mean honestly?  Do you ever consider the underlying reason for why someone is behaving the way they are?  My church friend recently spoke a word to me about this and now I see somethings in a whole new light. Let me share her knowledge with you!

Have you ever noticed that when you do something totally within the nature of your relationship with someone else and you happen to be recounting your day to another person and they are all

"You never do that for me"

or

"I didn't know you did that for people"

or

"Why you never offer to do that for me?"

Basically its a question stating that something you do in another relationship you have is something they would like for you to do in the relationship you have with them.

My reaction when this happens

Now obviously, this catches you off guard because these things you did/do or the way you behave with that other person is simply what it is.  Its not special, its not new, its not different. Its just y'all and y'all's relationship.

This person's observations of what you do in the other relationship naturally catches you off guard.  You thought you were just talking about your day but they have dissected it down into something not unlike a tit for tat list. They have decided that the way you relate to someone else is more valuable than the way you relate to them and they want to be in relationship with you like this other person.


Now…you have a problem.  What is the problem?  Glad you asked.

The problem is, the nature of your relationships with people are inherently different.

For me, I just don't show everyone love the same way. My friends that stay home could probably use a break from bathing their kid and reading books before bed but my child free friends don't need that.

So glad I'm natural because I love bath time with LP and he's a splasher!

My friends that work super demanding hours can probably use some help around the house or time on the phone venting about coworkers that my friends who stay home all day don't need.

Yea…I'm a little familiar with this area….

As a friend, I try to meet the needs and some wants of my friends as they present themselves.

Now, my church friend said something very pivotal. She said

"The person making these statements about how you don't do certain things for them that you do for others is really saying "I'm not the focus of your attention/love/affection, and I don't like that.""

When I tell y'all my mind was blown….it was an "a ha moment."

The words you're saying to me aren't about me and my relationship with this other person but they're about you. They're about the fact that you PERCEIVE that what I'm doing for another is more valuable/loving than what I do for you. If this thought process is carried out to its logical end, it could mean that you think I actually love them more than you.

Really though? Really?

And there's no easy answer to this situation because I'm not changing. I'm not changing my relationship with you or them because what I have with them works for us.  And honestly, what I have with you works for me at least.

Now what I am changing is your overall knowledge of that other relationship.  I'm willing to say simply "I had a good time" and leave it at that because I now know better.

When you know better, you do better. 

Another reason this isn't easy is because the way I relate to everyone has to do with lots of things no one can see but us. You can't be in a relationship you're not a part of and honestly, I'd never invite you in.  I could be a completely different person than who you perceive me to be. Honestly, someone functioning on a full "love tank" is probably different from someone on E.

I'm fiercely loyal and very protective of my relationships, and anyone outside will get TORN OUT THE FRAME if you come incorrect.  And anyone I'm in relationship with who wants to discuss one they're not in will get a loving "stop…you've done too much."

All of you meet different needs but some people, some people are meeting me in a whole  'nother place. 

Some people enable me to be comfortable being me because I get to be all of me, all manifestations and every version, thanks to my relationships with them.

I have a friend lets me parent her kid without batting an eye. Let that sink in.
A friend made me a parent.
Whole 'nother level 

Over the years with LP

I have a friend who is fiercely protective and she's shown me how valuable my heart is.

Don't mess with Sarah….she looks harmless but its NOT. TRUE.

I have friend who is "my soft place to land" personified and my companion.

Her home is my home too :-)

Y'all know I'm especially mushy about ML so we'll leave it at that.

These people, these "whole 'nother level" people, are the one's I will go to WAR for.  No one can have what I have with them and even they don't have the same things in their relationships with me. Our relationships are all separate and priceless.

So yes, I reject your ideas. I reject your observations about my other relationships because they aren't true. They simply aren't. And I won't entertain your conversation because all you're saying is

"I'm not the center of your attention, and I don't like it"

My response: "Too bad, sorry you feel that way"

And now, back to our scheduled programming