I was wrong....

I was very wrong for a very long time about something and its time I owned that and apologized.

For YEARS I thought heterosexuals were crazy. I thought they were certifiable.

Why?

Because often times they were derailing their lives with babies. Yes babies.

I love babies as you know but there are less than ideal situations in which to bring them.

I kept saying

"Why can't y'all just not have sex?"
"I just don't understand why you'd continue to participate in an activity YOU KNOW results in babies if you can't afford one?"
"What the devil is wrong with y'all?"
"Why don't y'all have any self control?!?!"

And now, I'd like to apologize.

I'm sorry. 
I'm very very sorry.

Because now, I get it. I totally get it. I understand what its like to look across the room and be like "Great day in the morning!" I say the same thing when I think of a certain someone. Mere THOUGHT!

You see....I always assumed I was heterosexual. I just defaulted to it. And since I could and have felt deep feelings for boys I assumed that my complete disinterest in them physically was just me being "extra holy."
You see I am a church girl.
A really good one.
And I always thought to myself "When I find a husband, I'll have sex with him because I'm supposed to. I'll do it 3 days a week even if I don't want to because I want to keep him."
You see that?
That's not right.
You're supposed to want to do those things with your spouse.
 This was also a symptom.
I wanted companionship...I didn't necessarily want him.

And when I look back over the years I see that. I was desperate for the companionship. For  commitment. And I wanted to be married, I assumed to a man, because I wanted forever with someone even if this one area of our lives (sex) was something I wanted to do about as much as I wanted to wash dishes by hand. (my friends know hand washing dishes is NOT a thing I do.)

Lets just....not.

And then.....
I came to really realize that you don't have to have any of those things with a guy. You can, in fact, have all of that with a girl. Plus, I'm actually interested in having those things with a girl AND having an intimate relationship with her.  <-----THIS was the thing I'd been missing!

So now I get the desire for intimacy of a sexual nature because I've finally found my own. I thought y'all heteros had no self control, but now I know its literally a fire within. One that is sometimes hard to control.