If you accept me, unconditionally and exactly as I am, you'll probably get the gentle, considerate, kind, loving, affectionate, doting side of me because I'm bringing my whole self. Chances are, many people have seen this whole self interact with people who do accept me without reservation but they themselves haven't experienced that.
The more things I feel I have to modify to be acceptable to you, the more closed off I become. If I'm not open with you because you can't or won't accept all of me, then the parts of me that you want to see aren't going to be as readily visible either. This why you may perceive that I'm more considerate or nicer to other people. I'm more of who I am with them. I'm less of who I am with you.
Consider that.
Also....I realize you're doing the best you can. I acknowledge that and accept that this is your honest effort. Unfortunately, even if this is the best you can do, I'm going to have to manage my interactions with you. You can't have the most authentic version of me because she's a treasure you don't know how to handle. I'm not going to let you into a place you haven't proven you have the right or privilege to be with me because you want to experience what others experience with me.
I'm having an individual relationship with everyone. My inner circle is very very small. Its a handful of people out of almost 8 billion. The inner circle gets me whole. If I'm not able to show up any kind of way with you, then you're not in that handful. Watching that handful interact with me and comparing that to your experiences of me isn't a good idea.
I'm giving you the best I can without giving so much that I could hurt myself. This is it. This is all I have to give.
Take it or leave it.
No comments:
Post a Comment