It very much felt like walking into what was mine.
When I graduated for Hampton it all seemed magically. I just went to class, did my work, and for some reason that resulted in getting a piece of paper that means so much to so many. Additionally, it didn't challenge me that much to achieve in undergrad.
Graduate school isn't like that.
As my mentor says "If you were just supposed to have it we'd give it to you at the end of the BS. You gonna earn this PhD."
And that is the literal unfiltered truth.
You earn your PhD.
By the time I got mine, I definitely felt almost like it was owed to me.
It was mine to have.
I walked into my reality.
I already felt like a PhD, but I needed the approval of people with PhDs to get it.
That's the funny thing about PhDs. They are only as valuable as the people giving you yours because its subjective. Yes, you take classes and tests and get grades but there are two things that matter: your candidacy and your defense.
Your candidacy is when you actually become a PhD candidate. Before that you're just a graduate student and there is no guarantee you'll ever get a PhD. Until you are a candidate, you're nothing. Once you're a candidate, that means they will let you attempt to get a PhD. You still aren't necessarily getting one. Believe THAT!
Candidacy is adjudicated by your graduate committee in my program and that is where PhDs decide whether or not they think you are capable of becoming one of them. They take into consideration your grades but its mostly based on your ability to research something you don't actually work on and present it to your committee in grant format. Your grant is judged and you also have to orally defend it. If you pass you are now eligible to eventually defend your dissertation and earn a PhD.
This entire process is kept to high standards because the people judging you are literally deciding if you are capable of being them. They are looking at your work and determining if they would be willing to give you their degree. That's what happens when a PhD is given. A group of PhDs decide you are their equal and they give you a PhD. Obviously you earned that PhD, but the standard of what a PhD is maintained but the people with PhDs are deciding whether or not you are their equal. They literally give their degree to you by giving you a PhD.
Its a big deal.
Even though it is a big deal....huge actually, I felt it was mine. It was. It is.
I defended publicly for 1 hour and then 2.5 hours privately for my committee. They then deliberated while I wasn't in the room and then decided that I am one of them.
I passed, unanimously. 5 male PhDs decided this lady is one of them.
PhD with a beat face!
What I wore!
I did NOT defend in Uggs but I did wear the hell out of this dress. I wanted my defense outfit to say sexy and brilliant and it said just that!
My sister, my Daddy, and My Love on my right hand.
Time and my doctoral ring on my left!
It feels so good to be a PhD but it feels like its been mine for at least 6 months. Honestly, when my committee said they thought I could sit for my defense, I knew I had this PhD. That's when I really knew. I've been walking in that reality since April.
I just needed them to say it.
I caught up to my destiny, she took my hand, and she said "Hey girl, I've been waiting on you!"
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