Making Decisions

I'm trying to make a decision about something that really bothered me.

I have a friend....a close friend, who lied to me.

She lied about being comfortable with me being gay.....

Let me explain....

I have all straight female friends in med school. Its not by choice...there are no openly gay girls in my med school class. I'm also really really openly gay (specifically to avoid this problem), because I don't want to waste my time getting to know you if you have a problem with who I am. I'd do the same thing if there was a widely spread issue with Christians. I just don't have time for people who have problems with who I am and I how I exist and walk in my own truth.

So anyway...me and this friend were supposed to be going somewhere out of state together for this event I go to every semester. Apparently, she told her boyfriend and he told her he didn't want her to go AND asked her if she had any lesbian thoughts/feelings/leanings.

She then went to a mutual friend of ours and asked her if her boyfriend felt similarly about her spending time with me to which she was like "Bitch what? My boyfriend isn't a dumbass." <---I'm paraphrasing but that's basically what she said.

Now this girl that was supposed to go with me tells me she can't go like two days before AND lies about why she can't go. Mind you this is a long drive so I would like company since its gonna be about 11 hours round trip.

So....what are my issues?

First, you didn't defend us. You didn't defend our PLATONIC friendship. That's bullshit. I fight for my friends all the time. I'm a phenomenal friend and I've been one to you. My new med school friends will tell you I take being a friend very seriously and I'm very good at it. You should have defended us. You know exactly what I find attractive and you're NOT IT! You should have told him he was being ridiculous. You should have called him out on his homophobia. You should have told him he was being as ass. And ultimately, you should have come with me because you said you were and because he's reason for not going makes no sense.

Secondly, you shouldn't be in any type of relationship where someone honestly thinks you're going to not only cheat but change your whole entire sexuality because someone is being nice to you/spends time with you. That person is insecure and if that's how they feel, you'll never be able to restrict your own behavior enough for them to feel comfortable. Being with an insecure person is draining and you've got med school classes to pass girl.

Third, you lied to me. Instead of saying "My boyfriend is an ass and thinks something might be going on with us and doesn't want me to go so I'm gonna keep the peace and not go" you decided it would be better to lie. You decided I didn't deserve the truth. I guess you might not have wanted me to know you were dating a trifling ass bitch but you are. Your boyfriend is a jerk but you didn't want to have to admit that so you lied.

That brings me to my last point. You're dating someone who has issues with gay people but instead of facing that reality and telling your very openly gay friend that one of the greatest influences in your life is homophobic, you lied. Its a problem for me that one of the biggest influences in your life and your behavior is homophobic. That's not cool. I know that doesn't make you homophobic but that does mean you can tolerate that type of lack of decency on a regular basis because it doesn't directly affect you. Guess what? It directly affects me. And honestly, something shouldn't have to directly affect you for you to want to be a decent person to all mankind.

So yea, I'm openly considering whether or not to continue to be your friend. I sure am. Because you lied. Because you didn't defend us. Because your man is homophobic and you're okay with that. Because to be honest....you hurt my feelings. Because I'm not going to be less gay for anyone.

I'm trying to decide if you're worth it. Do I want to fight for us even if you didn't or am I just going to walk away? Its not an easy question to answer. Our friend groups are highly intertwined but I'm just at skilled at being a friend as I am at putting you on smooth clear notice that we are NOT friends.

Because friends don't do what you did.

Stay tuned for my decision.