Betrayal is a B*******

The Text
Matthew 26: 14-16, 21-25

Betrayal is hurtful and deeply painful. One cannot truly understand the power of Jesus's sacrifice and death without understanding the betrayal that led there.

1 Corinthians 11:23-24
On the night he was betrayed, he took the bread, and when he had given thanks and broke it....

Many people frame significant moments in their lives as happening before and after betrayal.

We live our lives with great caution and we trust less and  have faith in others less all because of this one moment when we felt unimaginable pain.

"Stab the body and it heals. Injure the heart and the wound last a lifetime." Iwasaki

The source of betrayal makes it so bad. Jesus wasn't betrayed by someone he didn't know but by someone in his inner circle.
Psalm 55:12-14

If an enemy were insulting me,
    I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
    I could hide.
13 But it is you, a man like myself,
    my companion, my close friend,
14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
    at the house of God,
as we walked about
    among the worshipers.

Its one thing to have someone stab you in the back but its another thing to have someone you trust stab you.
From your circle of companions and confidantes...that makes it a festering wound.

Let me go ahead and interject here! This was and continues to be my issue with my mentor. When she made the decisions she made, she did so with disregard for the relationship we'd established. She was inner circle. She was innermost inner circle. I still love her dearly.  I still want to know why.

The turning point...I'll write about later :-)

Stop thinking about what Judas did to us and think more about what he does for us.
The victory is when you reach a point where you stop obsessing about what they did to you and start meditating on what they did for us.

Genesis 50 where Joseph confronts his brothers about selling him into slavery. Joseph says something in 50:19
"Do not be afraid. What you meant to harm me, God meant it for my good."
Joseph was saying if he had never been through all he went through, he wouldn't be where he is today.

What happened doesn't have to destroy us but it can develop us.
As bad as Judas's betrayal was, it was key to positioning Jesus to fulfill his purpose on earth.
Jesus never would have been whipped and we never would have been healed by His stripes.
Had he never born the cross
He never would have going to Calvary
They never would have nailed Him to a cross.
He never would have worn a crown of thorns and pierced His side and we wouldn't be washed in the blood of the lamb.
He never would have cried out Father they know not what they do.
He never would have given up the ghost and died
and He never would have gone to a tomb and went to hell.
He never would have snatched the keys from the devil and made everlasting life with God possible.
He never would have stayed in the tomb to rise on the third day.
Salvation hinges on Judas's betrayal.

We never would have been saved or healed today without the betrayal.
When you realize that, you'll be able to look back and conclude that the betrayal was a blessing.
That's what the B is in the title...its for blessing. ;-)

This story invites us to explore betrayal.

Betrayal causes you to exercise parts of you you might never have seen if you hadn't been betrayed.
People are often hung up on the way it happened but that person might have had the courage to do for you what you couldn't do for yourself.
It might have happened to awaken you.
You would have remained in a situation without being betrayed.

It had to happen.

IF it hadn't happen, you'd still be trying to talk yourself into why you should stay. You kept putting up with mess because you thought you needed that.
The betrayal is the blessing because it woke you up to what you needed to see.

You've got to reach a point where you spend more time reflecting on what they did for you and NOT to you.

As painful and devastating as my experience with my ex was, I wouldn't be here without her. Had I not loved her so deeply I'm not sure I would have even realized that I'm actually gay much less have told everyone in my life.  I'm so glad I've released her to be her best self and I can actually be mine and put that energy in the direction of someone who deserves it. 

In the story of the last supper, Jesus has bigger things to do than obsess about little people. He doesn't nag Judas, tell anyone about it, or calls anyone. He accepts the fact that he's not beyond being betrayed. If he's the Son of God and it happened to him, it can happen to you!
As long as imperfection graces the earth, betrayal will exist. Jesus doesn't dwell on the betrayal. He stays focused on purpose.

This is something I struggle with. There was clearly still purpose to be fulfilled in my life but I couldn't see that at all. I mean my goodness a perfect (for me) girl showed up in my life wanting to do all the things I wanted with my ex and I wasn't able to accept that because the betrayal I'd experienced was all I could think about. That and convincing myself to stay committed to someone who wasn't committed to me because of things I'd promised God. Let me tell you something! I won't be promising God anything about another person until I'm ready to say "forsaking all others I choose her." That's the standard God's given me and that's the only promise I'm making. 

Some of us can't see the blessing because you can't understand how they could be so cruel and inconsiderate.

This is me. This is always me. I always take it back to "What's wrong with me that they would treat me this way?" What I'm working on is believing that its not about me. One of my advisors said this to me about the situation with my mentor. He was like ain't nothing wrong with you. You got too many people around you who believe in you for you to let what this one person did be the whole definition of what you believe to be true about you. Can I tell you I needed to hear that. That really spoke to my life in a profound way.

You have to shift your focus from the betrayer to the Blesser. I was devoting far too much time on the wrong people and things and was missing the lesson.
Don't let it keep you from giving God the glory He's supposed to get.

Sometimes God places the betrayer in your life.
Jesus prayed that God would send him folks that would help him fulfill his assignment. When he came out of prayer he chose 12 and Judas was one of the 12. Jesus needed Judas to fulfill his assignment. <-- Don't miss that!
It doesn't necessarily mean we made a bad choice or wasted our time. It doesn't mean you were stupid for trusting them or by being intimate with them.
It means that in God's perfect plan, theres a lesson God wants you to get.
Sometimes the lesson is "don't be so needy for attention that you put up with things that are inconsistent with your values and dreams and standards." <-- Things I purpose to never do again in my romantic life!
Sometimes the lesson is, in order to function at your next level, you'll have to wake up.

Of note, the people who hurt us, showed us their character early on in the relationship.
They showed you early on that they were unreliable, had a truth problem, they showed us but we didn't believe them.  My ex showed me that she was selfish, self centered, and not thoughtful and I was capable of loving her through that but the indications were there. 

There are some people who are past their expiration date but we don't want to end it because we've invested something.
I love you, but if we aren't going in the same direction, I'll love you from across town. <--Hey girl!

Maybe the betrayal is designed to get you to clarify what's most important for you. It'll wake you to a source of dissatisfaction that you've ben tolerating but you don't need that in the next season of your life.
Now this is a moment. I've been tolerating being friends with someone who fundamentally doesn't believe my marriage will be equal to hers because I'll be married to someone of the same sex. She finally did something that crossed way too many boundaries for my liking and I've put her on ice. Does she need to make a exist out of my life? I'm not sure but I do know that in my next season wherein I'll hopefully be finding someone to spend the rest of my life with, there won't be space for folks who don't support that relationship enthusiastically and wholeheartedly. Moreover, even if I'm single, not supporting who I am is a fundamental issue that has no compromise possibility. So you either get all of me or none. Pick one sis. 

What is God trying to protect you from?
What opportunity is He trying to give you?
What harm is God keeping you from?

If you could get out of God's way and your own way with these feelings, you'd be able to understand the blessing in the betrayal and then....you'll be free.

Let me tell you about my blessing.
Her name's BD. 
And I know I wouldn't have made it through third year without BD. 
She's faculty and she's always on my team.
I'm going to tell this story at my faculty mentoring workshop but I literally walked to BD's door to ask her if she'd heard anything I needed to know about and the rest is history. I was a mess. My eyes were puffy, my confidence was shot, and I wouldn't make eye contact with her. Bonnie had met me prior to this and this wasn't me and she knew it. 
BD looked at me and I think she really saw me. She saw something. Then she said "Look at this CT. What do you see?"
And she kept doing that. I could come to her office anytime I was a mess and she'd give me radiology to do. Eventually we talked about it but we don't really anymore. We have this relationship that has nothing to do with my initial personal devastation.
We went to brunch yesterday with her sister and niece. 
She's amazing. 
But having a mentor requires work on both sides of the relationship. Its not like there aren't things I do that I don't love because she's my mentor. I'm not a GI person but I'm on a GI abstract because she needed help one day and I'm still a PhD. 
And she knows how devastating that situation was. I love that because it makes me feel safe. Also...she was PISSED when she found out why I'd been crying for weeks at that point. 
That felt good. 

Most of the way the betrayer is acting without you is fake anyway. You need to focus on the blessing God has for you in this situation.

This I also know for a fact and I'll leave it at that.

On the other side of judgement and condemnation is grace and mercy. You probably couldn't see that before but its there. I love living in grace and mercy.

The Bible says all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called. I know I'm called so I know all things. The hardest part is remembering that its ALL. 
All things not some things! 
So that thing that damn near killed me....its a thing thats working together for my good.