Not a Core Value, but Important Nonetheless

So....I'm Southern.

Deeply, beautifully, culturally Southern.

I know most Black people don't really talk about being Southern as a point of pride but the gentility of being Southern is something I love.

I love the rules....that girls take piano and get presented to society at debutante balls and wear church hats.

That baptisms are occasions and people still have sitting rooms.

Sundress and Sunday school.

Doors being opened and baked goods that they probably serve in heaven too.

Restaurants where a dinner jacket is required for men and the pride of saying "My wife/husband...."

I love knowing what's right and what's wrong....I love the appropriateness of it all.

I love the manners and mannerisms that come with Southern life.

Though the South's past is marred with the blood of my ancestors, the struggle for freedom, and continued homophobia, sexism, and racism that sometimes simmers just under the surface, I love the South.

I love being Southern.

So...I'm dating a girl who isn't Southern. And though we agree on a lot of deeply rooted core values, we don't always agree.

And its not always easy.
I realize that having core value similarities is way more important but that doesn't meant that the way I've accepted as being appropriate for public life isn't important to me as well.

Today, I did something I've been doing since I could drive.
I got my feet done.
I've been getting my toes painted since childhood but I started getting my feet professionally done as a teenager.

I was raised to know that if you are planning to have your feet be seen in public aka wear sandals, you had to get your feet done.
This is a non-negotiable.
My mother almost never wears open toed shoes but when there's an occasion coming up that calls for it, she gets her toes done.
We all get out toes done: cousins, aunts, moms, sisters, friends.
Its actually a thing friends do as a outing together.
Not having your feet done is akin to not shaving your arm pits and wearing a sleeveless shirts.
Its an absolute no. Full stop.

Now I realize everyone doesn't abide by the idea that their feet must be done... but I do.
My feet are actually painted year round because I have standards.
Yea I said it.
I have standards.
Its just not okay to not have your toes painted.
You're a girl.
Act like it!

And today I was telling the girl I'm dating about this and she completely didn't agree.

She was like "If the outfit calls for sandals, I'll wear them regardless of if my toes are done."
To which I replied "You should either keep them done in the summer or choose a different outfit."
She said "I'm not choosing a different outfit."

And I was forced to say
"Then I'm not going anywhere with you. I'm not going out in public with you if your toes aren't painted."

Its that simple for me.

It violates something that I just understand to be appropriate. I see that you don't, but the secondary embarrassment of knowing that other people are seeing your feet and associating you with me....I can't do it.

I can't be associated with being unkempt....with lack of refinement.
To a certain degree, its breeding.
Its decorum and civility.
Its foundational to being Southern.

And if I'm being 100% honest, its a major turnoff to me.
If I thought I was going to sleep with her and saw unpainted toes....it would cause me to say "Hard pass." Because honestly...what's your overall grooming like if your toes aren't done?

I like a well manicured woman.
Its part of why I love women.
I didn't think grooming would ever be an issue if I was dealing with the ostensibly better gender.

I'm not sure how I'm going to convince her of the important of some of these basic tenets of Southern culture but I was dead serious.

I will not go anywhere with you if you're wearing sandals and your feet aren't done.
Its a no.