I'm been loving this song called Amazing and I was driving and daydreaming and I thought "Hey....before I walk down the aisle I'll have a liturgical dance team dance to this song and I'll run the lights for it. Then I'll come down stairs, walk down the aisle, wait for my bride, and marry her." Things like that pop in my head...and you know what? I think it'll set the appropriate tone for our wedding because its really about God. Its a worship celebration too!
At the reception, I want to have different people stand up and read different things I've written to my wife over the years. I feel like it'll be prime time to really show people who I am with and for her and also what same gender loving really looks like....its a beautiful thing.
If I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, the way I love is too!
II Corinthians 8:3
For, as I can bear witness, [they gave] according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability; and [they did it] voluntarily
This is one of those things God does with me...where I talk about something and then He's like "that's not you that's me." I actually finished II Corinthians last night but I read ahead. It's been quite a few days since I read and underlined this. That little foreword I wrote to this before reading the scripture...that's something He's put on my heart. The idea that my marriage will be an example He's going to use blows my mind and it scares me but I trust Him and if He can use me, I'm available.
The Message Bible says it like this "I was there and saw it for myself. "
THIS is what I want the people who celebrate my wedding to say when they walk away from it. Even if they came skeptical or just to see because they're my family, I want them to walk away saying this. Not fetishizing our love but knowing is a real thing and also that our worship and our relationship with God is a living breathing demonstration of love and grace just like there's hopefully is.
II Corinthians 8:8-9
I give this not as an order [to dictate to you], but to prove, by [pointing out] the zeal of others, the sincerity of your [own] love also.
For you are becoming progressively acquainted with and recognizing more strongly andclearly the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (His kindness, His gracious generosity, His undeserved favor and spiritual blessing), [in] that though He was [so very] rich, yet for your sakes He became [so very] poor, in order that by His poverty you might become enriched (abundantly supplied).
eal I feel like that about this blog sometimes....like I have to write it, however when I look back on all the entries and things I've reflected on that God has brought to the forefront of my mind in times of great joy and great sorrow, I see Him showing me my own relationship. This devotional is a living testament to the depth and intimacy of my prayer life. It demonstrations my own sincerity. I love God but this is like being about to see how you love God you know?
The other thing I see is how much more writing and reading helps you see things and not just a good thing that happened but a God thing that happened. I have so much clarity about when things were God in His grace and wisdom and loving kindness and mercy. I can see how I was wrong and He made it okay anyway. I can see how I couldn't see and He showed me. I can know, without equivocation, that He's for me because I have this record and this changed perspective on the good and the bad in life. Its caused me to ask myself some tough questions about life and death and salvation and grace. I've come to know things I never would have known had I not been chasing God through this devotional. He's shown me He's bigger than I can imagine, more forgiving that I believe possible, more loving that I'll ever begin to desire, and He want my heart in ways no one else does. He's demonstrated that over and over again throughout the Word and the more I read the more accurate view of God I get. Grace is far bigger than I'll ever know. If I can think of it, He's more. I love that.
II Corinthians 8:11
So now finish doing it, that your [enthusiastic] readiness in desiring it may be equalled by your completion of it according to your ability and means.
Oh ok Jesus.....so finish writing this devotional....about the entire Bible? <---Ummmm I'm going to need more confirmation on that but what I've found is that every time I get to the end of a book I know exactly where I'm going next in His Word and its always something I need to hear or that is completely appropriate for my life. Nothing has grounded me more in my relationship with God than this exercise. This actual thinking about the Word and how it applies to my life....game changer.
In my Bible I wrote "med school" beside this scripture. It is the truest desire of my academic desire. No Dean of Medicine has ever becomes so without an MD after all :-) I wanted this to come to pass. I did my part. God opened the door He wanted me to walk through and now I'm sitting on the floor in Maryland. There were times I didn't believe the words He spoke to me or that His promises would come to pass, but He was faithful in the face of my doubt. I find that the more I trust Him the more He shows me who He is and the more I believe.
My mentor says "Enthusiasm is no substitute for preparation." This is pivotal in academic study. I can be excited all day but I've got to be prepared. Lord help me to do what I need to do to be where you called me to be.
II Corinthians 8:21
For we take thought beforehand and aim to be honest and absolutely above suspicion, not only in the sight of the Lord but also in the sight of men.
I endeavor to approach all big decisions in my life in this way. I want to be thought of as a person who thinks first. I actually pray first nowadays. I do a whole lot of fasting too. What's true for me is that I need to know what God thinks before I can tell you what I think and that often means waiting. You know I love waiting...or rather I love what God does when you're waiting. When you're in the wildernesses of life, God does amazing things in your relationship with Him and your own understanding of yourself. Waiting is difficult....especially if you're doing it in a wilderness but its worth it because He's going to bring you out and you're going to be better for it. I know what it feels like to be in the middle of that waiting...I waited to get off the waiting list for medical school and that didn't happen. I then waited 87 days to find out I got into Howard....waiting ain't easy. It'll shape you in ways getting what you want won't.
Additionally, the more I know Him, the more I want to live my life as honestly as possible. I try to tell so much of the truth that you basically know exactly what I'm thinking. I don't always do this but I try to because I think being authentic and vulnerable make me a better person and a better Christian. Its almost like I'm mirroring what I do with God with people and what I've seen is that the more open you are the more open other people are. Plus, if you're not open with folks about what you're going through how are you going to get your stuff dealt with? Girl bye! I need the people God's sent me to know me so they can speak into my life in the ways they're supposed to. I also see that other people get permission to do the same around me and that's amazing. I'm so humbled to be trusted in this way. I'm so grateful that my pain and my vulnerability lets people see that you can be Christian and your life isn't necessarily perfect but you've got joy anyway. Lord, continue to use me to reach people and keep my open despite the things that hurt me because you get the glory in the end.
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