They're bringing me on as a lighting designer.
Let me tell you about my God.
The plan my last church had that phased me out of leadership because I love women is NOT what God has for. I walked right into my new church, told them who I am, showed them the skills that I learned at my last church, and got full privileges to their lighting board immediately. And my new church has 20 movers. Talk about the upgrade!
What I love about God is that He's got a plan. I spent so much time getting to know the lighting system and being in charge of it at my last church. When they declined to move me into leadership because I'm gay I thought that I'd only be able to lead the way I want to if I kept my life a secret. I essentially thought once I became serious I'd have to step down which is why finding an open and affirming church was so important to me. What I see now is that that was a training ground for what God was actually going to bring me into.
In this initial meeting, I said out right what happened at my last church and the Head of TP was like "That's not what we're about. Pastor Coates is very progressive." I know that to be true. I love sitting in church and knowing I'm not going to be condemned for loving the way I love because my Pastor agrees with my God that I'm His perfect creation. It makes me so happy to serve in a church I know I can get married in. I can bring my whole self and that's respected at Mt. Ennon.
I'm working with over twice as many movers, a massive sanctuary, and a church that loves me for who I am. You're amazing God.
Of course my first design was purple :-)
II Corinthians 5:4-5
For while we are still in this tent, we groan under the burden and sigh deeply (weighed down, depressed, oppressed)—not that we want to put off the body (the clothing of the spirit), but rather that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal (our dying body) may be swallowed up by life [[a]after the resurrection]
Now He Who has fashioned us [preparing and making us fit] for this very thing is God, Who also has given us the [Holy] Spirit as a guarantee [of the fulfillment of His promise].
I have for a long time loved the hymns sung at funerals. Precious Lord is my favorite followed closing by I'll Fly away. I have from a very young age had a keen sense of the fact that this was temporary. People who knew me in college knew I was like "Hey Jesus, whenever you wanna come get me, I'm ready." I've always been kind of in a hurry to put off mortality for immortality. This wasn't a morbid thing but I was just always ready because nothing was that awesome to me on earth. Then I fell in love for real and I was like ..... "Yea I'll stay awhile" but I digress. Having that level of assurance of what God has on the other side of Jordan is innate for me. I realize that isn't the case for everyone. What I love about reading the Bible is the God repeatedly tells you the truth. Over and over again, God says the same things through different people in different time periods so you can see He's consistently consistent.
Paul is talking about the burden of mortality but He's also talking about how much greater immortality will be not because of power but because of humility. Paul is talking about how he can't wait to spend his time worshiping God in spirit and in truth. The most amazing experiences of my life have generally taken place in churches or in relationship to God. I get it. Its why I've always wanted to go.....because there's no place like worship. God has made us with a mindset towards our eternal home. I've never thought of the Holy Spirit as a guarantee but I know it keeps me in check. When I'm off kilter, its right there. When I think of the blessed assurance I've lived with for so long, that I've sought refuge in and hope on for most of my life, I know this thing me and Jesus are doing is special. Can I offer that if you chase after Him, He can be the same for you as He is for me? He wants to be....
For we walk by faith [we regulate our lives and conduct ourselves by our conviction or belief respecting man’s relationship to God and divine things, with trust and holy fervor; thus we walk] not by sight or appearance.
This verse defines my life. There are so many things I'm believing God for, trust Him for, hoping in Him for. The Bible talks a lot about faith but one of the things I have to keep in mind is that when I'm walking by faith, I'm closer to Him than I am when I'm walking by sight. When I compare my plan for last year to what God actually did.... that was a huge test of walking by faith. I had it all worked out in my head in regards to my emotions and my academics and neither of those things turned out the way I thought they would but the Bible also says "His thoughts are higher than my thoughts" and "His plan is to prosper me." Even the level of faith I've entered into lately is kind of blowing my mind because I have so much peace about it. When He grows me to a new place...I'm always awestruck because I know it isn't me. I know me and me would be stressed. Me no stressed...me and God amazing.
This verse is in some ways peculiar because there is so much evidence of who God is in the scripture. The leap is believing God can do that for us. I haven't always believed this. I didn't feel worthy at all. I felt much more like a pawn that God was moving around to do His will but I didn't think He cared about what I want. That was a short sighted and frankly wrong viewpoint on God. The Bible is very clear about how God feels about us but the flesh gets in the way. I couldn't see myself as worthy of having the things I wanted so I couldn't see how God could want those things for me. I also spent a long time trying to get out of a very difficult emotional situation with my parents and marriage had always been presented as an escape route. I wanted to be married to get away but what God did instead was move me around the country...a much better idea than failing to honor the sanctity of marriage. And you know what....now that I think about the marriage He's put on my heart, I know His plan of moving from place to place was a far better plan than my own. Marriage is holy and I'm believing God to do something extra special in mine.
What I love about God's plan is that its so much better than our own. My plan would have destroyed me emotionally....His plan makes me whole.
II Corinthians 5:9-10
Therefore, whether we are at home or away from home, we are constantly ambitious and strive earnestly to be pleasing to Him.
10 For we must all appear and be revealed as we are before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive [his pay] according to what he has done in the body, whether good or evil [considering what his purpose and motive have been, and what he has achieved, been busy with, and given himself and his attention to accomplishing] I want to make God smile. I want God to look at my life and what I've done with it and be pleased. I'm living my whole life to hear Him say well done. Now I know that's mighty ambitious however I know that God in me will help me get there.
Salvation comes by faith alone but it still matters what I do down here. I've always known about having to give an account of what I've done. I try and live my life as though I know that though I slip up each and every day. Grace is the only way I can appear before my God with any type of logic. Grace continues to be so vital to my relationship with God and it always will be.
What I've also learned is that my why matters. Motivation matters to God because motivation is a heart issue. I want my intentions to be upright and moral and just because they demonstrate my relationship with Him to others and they strengthen my connection to Him. God is interested in my heart in all things. What I've found is that the more I know Him, the more guarded I feel. This isn't a result of being cut off from people or not needing them but being ushered into unspeakable joy and unconditional acceptance. I know that I know I can get on my knees and find Love there. A wellspring of Love is found in His presence. As a result, I've found myself more able to exemplify His characteristics over my own. God changes my motivations and make my heart pure. Its this circle of seeking Him, being changed by Him, going out and doing better, coming back to Him...its the sweetest thing.
II Corinthians 5:14-15
For the love of Christ controls and urges and impels us, because we are of the opinion and conviction that [if] One died for all, then all died;
15 And He died for all, so that all those who live might live no longer to and for themselves, but to and for Him Who died and was raised again for their sake.
Y'all know how I talk about how somethings hurt me just to think about? This verse is about that. What I know about God is that His holiness can't exist around unrighteousness. Its just not possible. Fresh water and salt water can't come from the same place or exist in the same place. The more I let God handle things or show me how to exist in the world, the less I'm able to do whatever I want. I have a level of conviction that is almost immediate sometimes. There are things I just know I'm not supposed to do. There are places I'm not supposed to be. There are spaces within me I'm not supposed to allow anyone to explore. There's the continuous situation of dying to the desires of my flesh that doesn't quite feel like dying. I'm celibate and its not easy but it makes other areas of my life easier and its a sacrifice I give to my God. I'm always fasting and praying about something and that isn't always what I want to do, but I've found that the more I let God control my actions as opposed to my feelings the better everything. Never let your feelings control your feet<---revolutionized my life!
I see my life as a living sacrifice, not because its painful or especially arduous but because I give up certain things so that my relationship with God can grow. I want a deep, broad, all areas infiltrated relationship with God. He died that I might live and live in Him. That's a sacrifice He made before I made any steps towards Him. That's what God's love looks like. I'll die for you just so you can have the opportunity to choose me? Yea....that's someone I can follow without reservation.
II Corinthians 5: 17
Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!
We Christians talk about this all the time...but do we believe it? How many times do we say people can't change or won't change? This maybe trust in certain situations but I know that when God gets into it with them, and move in their lives, that change is going to come. Maybe folks won't change because you want them to but they will change if that's God's will for them.
I think there's levels. The more I get to know Him, the more He transforms me. I feel like I'm becoming a new person all the time. I do things I'd never dream of doing a year ago. Seems new to me!
II Corinthians 5: 18-19
But all things are from God, Who through Jesus Christ reconciled us to Himself [received us into favor, brought us into harmony with Himself] and gave to us the ministry of reconciliation [that by word and deed we might aim to bring others into harmony with Him].
19 It was God [personally present] in Christ, reconciling and restoring the world to favor with Himself, not counting up and holding against [men] their trespasses [but canceling them], and committing to us the message of reconciliation (of the restoration to favor).
So God, through Jesus, made a way for us to be in relationship with Him. It what God Himself who didn't hold against us our humanity, but made a way for our sinful butts to be in relationship with Him and be with Him in glory. If you don't have a shout in your spirit about this I don't know what to say! Okay yes I do.
You've got to believe the cross. The cross was and is for you. Your sin tab was taken care of once and for all. The work of the cross is finished. Whatever you've done or will do is paid for by the precious Blood of Jesus. The idea that you can earn salvation insults God and it thinks way too highly of you. I know I can't do anything to be worthy of His shadow....and neither can you. Let's just settle that. There is no service you can do for the Creator of all things that will make you in any way, shape, or form acceptable. It also insults God because it says His sacrifice on the cross was for nothing, when in fact it was for everything.
God is always making a way for us if we will take it. What I love about taking God's hand and letting Him drive the tandem bicycle of my life is that I'm not in control and I can trust Him to take me exactly where I need to go when I need to be there doing what I need to do. If He died for me, if I'm that precious to Him, He's not going to let me go. He's not letting me go astray...He's made the ultimate investment in me. He's going no where.
II Corinthians 5:21
For our sake He made Christ [virtually] to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him we might become [endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of] the righteousness of God [what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness]
This is it. God made a way...I'm taking it!
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