In His Time

Hindsight being 20/20, I know exactly why I didn't get into medical school and more specifically the medical school I wanted to get into in 2014.

I never would have become a physician. Why? Because I couldn't have watched the literal destruction of my emotional life while trying to get good grades.

I'm not good at that. If my emotional life is in turmoil, my whole life is in turmoil. Its a mess I know but this is part of why I am the way I am.

And so today happened. 
Today, I was admitted to medical school. 

Not the one I'd prayed to get into by name but the one I'd prayed for by description.
This was what God had for me.

Despite the fact that I was told I would have a response by Thanksgiving I can now see why I had to wait.

I needed to wait. I needed to end that which tethered me like an umbilical cord to another person in a distant place.

I needed to be able to receive what God had for me with joy.

If its God's will for you it will be added or it won't. <-- That's what my mentor said to me.
She also said just because that thing you really wanted an answer from God about isn't getting cleared up or answered doesn't mean you need to go over there and try and fix it yourself. When He gives you direct answers about that other thing you prayed for, that's where your feet go.
It all goes back to if its His will it will be added.

Today I'm blissful.
This is what He had for me...
And its exceedingly better than I ever could have imagined when I prayed
"Lord, I want to be a doctor."