Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
I feel sure of very few things and that's something I crave. I've always craved security. Its why I have so few friendships. I need to be able to check up on all of them to insure they're all good. I can't have so many that I'm not able to keep tabs on them.
God.
God is the one thing that's I've always been sure of.
He is.
He just is.
God hasn't always given me the things I've asked for but he's definitely given me an inheritance I never could have foreseen. Things I didn't even know I wanted I have. Things I didn't have the words to pray for are now mine. Degrees I wasn't sure I would get, situations I wasn't sure I could live through: God has been my perpetual counsel. I seek Him constantly. I'm always checking in with Him. I do find that bookending my days with the Bible and then writing about how I feel about it in the morning is vital. Its like therapy I didn't know I needed.
Keeping my focus on God has allowed me so much freedom. I find that I'm much better at avoiding deep sea diving in my feelings because I'm so lost in worship that I don't have time. I also don't want to leave worship. Worship is my life blood. I love to be in the space where God meets me and let's me attempt feebly to tell Him how I love Him. In the space of worship, I'm so sure about so much.
The Lord is directing me and guiding me. Everything that should be added will be and the things that aren't weren't supposed to be. I walk in that truth al the time. I'm praying to know before things happen and sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. What I do have is His presence in my life and that brings me indescribable joy.
Psalm 17:15
As for me, I will continue beholding Your face in righteousness (rightness, justice, and right standing with You); I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You].
Lord, I look to you. No other help do I know. I continue to look for you because in you I have found everything I've ever thought I needed and more. Though I'm not quite ready to leave this life, the glimpses I've had of you are not describable. You're more than I can hold in my mind and I know that I will bask in your presence in the life to come. Draw to me Jesus. My heart is a home for you to dwell in.
Psalm 18:2,6
In my distress [when seemingly closed in] I called upon the Lord and cried to my God; He heard my voice out of His temple (heavenly dwelling place), and my cry came before Him, into His [very] ears.
The names of the Lord are many. He is all these things and more. He's my friend, my confidante, my brother, my way maker. He's all these things and most importantly my savior. He saved my soul with His life. I will always find Him the safest place to ever exist. He wants the best for me and has demonstrated that time and time again. He has proven Himself true. If He never did another thing for me, that would be alright because He's done so much for me. There's nothing special about me but He thinks so. He thinks I'm to die for. He sees me through the spilt blood of His son Jesus which makes me clean, perfect, and acceptable in the sight of His Holiness. Nothing I've done could have ever earned me this favor or blessing that I call this relationship with me. He so wanted my heart that He made a way for the veil to be torn and for me to be able to access Him for myself. I love the Lord. I'm so thankful that I can go before His throne on my own. He hears me in the midnight hour and throughout the day. Even when He doesn't answer he hears me. Just knowing He's listening brings me great comfort. Little me has God's ear. Its astounding.
Psalm 18:23
I was upright before Him and blameless with Him, ever [on guard] to keep myself free from my sin and guilt.
This verse urges me to stay on the straight and narrow. The direction I've decided to walk in with my life is appropriate but there are confines within which I need to stay are that every decision be informed by my faith. I have to constantly be aware of the fact that just because someone says something is normal doesn't mean its something I'm called to. God has a purpose for me and I know when I'm going in the wrong direction. I need to stay close to Him to avoid missteps.
Psalm 18:25
My behavior is important. I need to demonstrate the fruits of the spirit as you are a God who sees how we treat the rest of His creation. Just as Jesus would have died for me alone, He would have died for y'all too and I need to be mindful of that in my interactions with people. I'll admit I'm not a people person but I do try to remember that people are often going through a whole lot more than it seems they are on the surface. Lord knows I have been and little things have meant the world to me.
With the kind and merciful You will show Yourself kind and merciful, with an upright man You will show Yourself upright,
Psalm 18:28
For You cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.
The Lord is the light in my life. Without Him I have nothing and with Him everything. The places in me that aren't good He makes good. He makes me an example of His love and His grace by blessing me and my acknowledgment of Him in all things. Its always God. Its never ever me.
Psalm 18:30,32
As for God, His way is perfect! The word of the Lord is tested and tried; He is a shield to all those who take refuge and put their trust in Him.
The God who girds me with strength and makes my way perfect?
God's way is perfect. I've found Him true over and over again. I trust Him, not because I should but because I have evidence. I have proof. And as a scientist and an intellectual, I need proof. The Lord knows I can't be ethereal in all things. I've got tangible evidence. Things the Lord has spoken to me have come to pass. The path hasn't been what I thought it would be but its been perfect for me. Moving back to NC sounded like complete nonsense but I got to train at a different church with a massive lighting board as a result! Who would have thought? Me and LP have the most fantastic relationship because of this move. A move I didn't want mind you. But remember All things, not some things. All thing work together for those that love the Lord. I wouldn't have chosen it but it was perfect.
Psalm 19:9
The [reverent] fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the ordinances of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.
This was simple. God is and was and shall be. For me that's enough. There's no more I can ask for when being asked to place my trust in someone. Tomorrow, today and yesterday? You're going to stay for all of them. Okay, let's do this eternity today.
Psalm 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, impenetrable] Rock and my Redeemer.
The benediction I've always loved. Its also a fervent prayer. Lord, let my heart which informs my mouth be acceptable. Let the things I utter have meaning and value. Find my intentions pleasing even when I'm clumsy in my execution. Lord, you know my heart. I'm striving to be more like you each and every day and I fail every day but your grace God. Your grace is so sufficient for my failings. Oh Lord, I'm trying. I'm trying and that's all you've asked.
Psalm 20:4
May He grant you according to your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans.
This is a hard one. Not because its hard but because my heart wants so much. So many things are my desires and most of them seem like they aren't going to come to pass. But you God, can make a way that no one could have foreseen. You can set things up and move in ways I never will understand. You've moved so many times to fulfill my heart's desire. When my committee wasn't sure you gave me excellent execution of my defense. Even before that, they thought I wasn't ready for my comprehensive and I smoked it. That was you God. It's always been you working through me. So Lord, you know what I want. You know what I'm after. You know my dedication and devotion to both you and my faith. You know I've been upright in my pursuit of the desires of my heart. If it be your will God, grant these my desires. Ultimately they will glorify you. I'm humbly beseeching you God because I know you can do all things.
Psalm 20:9
O Lord, give victory; let the King answer us when we call.
When I've called before, you answered. You continue to answer. I'm still calling. You still hear me. Tell me what to do. Inform me.
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