His will is a peculiar thing and often I've felt so out of control in the presence of it. His Will will be accomplished. That's a fact. The question is: Am I ready to be in His Will? Am I ready to do His will?
And the answer isn't always yes.
I walked down the steps of Howard University sure of the fact that God was telling me to say yes to Howard. I told my mentor about. I told her staff about it. I openly discussed it. I knew...I knew without a shadow of a doubt that His will for me was Howard. I also knew that the person I want to share my life with doesn't live near Howard.
You know...God knows you better than you know yourself. He surely knows me. Though I was absolutely clear about God's will, He knew I couldn't handle the temptation of being able to choose. I couldn't be trust to choose His explicitly expressed will. God may as well have sent me an email from God@heaven.com stating "Say Yes. This is my will for you. Howard is where you need to be. Say yes!" That's how clear God was with me about Howard. There was no way I was missing that direction. But.....knowing His will and doing it aren't always the same. And knowing it and not doing it....man is that going to be a hard path to walk down.
Now, I probably would have still come to Howard because my mentor would have driven me up here herself if I told her Jesus told me Howard but I'm doing otherwise (She's sooooo not about being outside the Will. She would said "that's sho' nuff crazy) AND because I've got just enough faith to say to someone I trust "Yo, I'm struggling here!" But the Lord knew I couldn't handle a choice. He gave me one option. And then....He waited or rather He made me wait to figure out if Howard wanted me. What did I tell y'all about waiting? He will do so much in the mean time. Here are some things I learned while waiting and about His Will.
1. It may not be what you want initially but God can change your perspective to see it the way He actually intended so you can receive it the way He's giving it
Let me unpack that....I'd prayed for over a year about medical school. I'd fasted and prayed. I'd been diligent in well doing and faithful over a few things. I'd even gone so far as to describe the medical school I'd like to go to to God as if He isn't the Creator of anything that's ever been created. Yup I did all of that. Then I went to Howard. I will go ahead and say Howard is not the name of the school I was desperate to get into. I'd never prayed about Howard once. BUT I had described Howard to God. I'd told God what I wanted in a medical school and it was Howard.
Now remember, He'd already told me that I was going to Howard. This is what He had for me. But I wasn't there yet. My heart couldn't commit because it was otherwise engaged and committed. So...the waiting. During the waiting, the reasons I couldn't commit stopped being reasons. I was able to more clearly see exactly how Howard was exactly what I wanted. Howard was my answered prayer despite the fact that I didn't know it was Howard I was praying for. By the time I got my acceptance phone call, I was ready. And I cried right there on the phone. I sure did. He'd changed my perspective to see His will the way He wanted me to so I could have abundant joy WITHIN His Will.
2. Its what's best for you
I don't have any particularly special insight about this but it struck me that people have trust issues. Can I offer that if you're going to trust anyone, Jesus is your best bet. God has your best interest in mind. No matter what His answer is, its what's best for you. Howard is what's best for me. I have to believe that. The process is always the same. You pray, you hear from God/ get an answer from God and you walk that out. Now I know I skipped over some crucial pieces. I know there are feelings in there. I got this answer and other answers from God that aren't quite what I wanted to hear and I go deep sea diving in my feels. That's all well and fine but I never, ever let my feelings control my feet. That's nonsense. When its time to move, I've got to be moving in the direction God has me going.
The Word says I have plans to prosper you. It also says All things work together for the GOOD of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and ALL THINGS will be added is in there too. If He intends for it to be yours and its what's best for you, you're going to get it. Its a done deal. He's not confused by the fact that your life is complex and convoluted. He's got that. Either He's going to add it or He won't. The hard part is when that thing you really want isn't His will or isn't what's best for you. I've got to always keep in mind that if its for my good, God's going to bring it to pass. And I've watched some of the things I thought I wanted, prayed for, and didn't get and been like "Let me just lay on the floor and weep cause I so happy He didn't answer that prayer!"
3. Being outside the will, knowingly so, is crazy.
You can't know the truth of God and do otherwise cause then you're on your own. Going out on your own: The definition of crazy. Its one thing if you don't know you're outside the will but if you do and you choose to be? CRA-ZY. And the thing about being out there is that the consequences just keep getting harder and harder. God's going to keep putting you in situations that will be increasingly difficult until you get back to where He's told you you're supposed to be.
Its the same process. He's the same God. He's always faithful. I walk out what He's told me about Howard the same way I've walked out other things He's told me. The check for me is "Is this the truth from God?" And if it is...that's the game. The thing about His will is that He gives power to be in it. God never leaves me instruction less. And just for clarification....just because something is the truth from God, that doesn't mean it will be easy. Possible goes with God's will. Possible yes, easy...not all the time. It may be hard but that doesn't mean you won't have peace. I have so much peace despite how hard some of these days in my faith journey have been. Yes, things affect me. I'm definitely not oblivious. The difference is they don't control me because God is giving me what I need to be where He has me.
Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying"This is the way. walk in it,"
Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21
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