See Me for Who I Am

Transparency is a critical part of my relationship with God. I go to the throne everyday but I don't go the same way every day. Some days are all about telling God who He is and how He's worthy of praise and adoration. Some days are about repentance and realignment in His will. Still other are about weariness. The will of God isn't easy just because its right. Having clarity about where God has me doesn't make being there a cake walk. I love that when me and God are doing our thing, He doesn't require that I show up any particular way. He just wants me to be there.

In the transparency of my relationship with Him, He has healed the broken places in me. When I've told Him how my heart ached or how a comment from someone really hurt my feelings or even how His will makes me tired, He is always a shelter from my soul. Now all of this is beautiful and great, but none of this happens if I don't come to Him. And I'll admit I don't always go to Him. Sometimes I just sit in my feelings and I don't let the peace He has for me rest in my spirit. Can I tell you that I found that to be a bad choice? Cause it is. His peace is right there for me if I'm willing to let the things that prevent peace be His burden. The Cross is a great example of what God does. He carries that which we can't, and we get to walk in freedom. The fact that I'm willing to tell God

"I miss her"
"I'm tired"
"I'm angry about this"
"It hurts my feeling sometimes to see the favoritism my parents display"
"I want my wife"
"I don't understand what you're doing"
"Even though I trust you, I need more faith"
"Why am I a 100% person?"
"When will the waiting end?"
"This isn't easy"
"I want to want your will but right now I just want what I want"

changes the game in my relationship with Him. I don't show up with Him the way I show up on this blog. I show up authentically and without reservation. How can you expect help from the great physician if you aren't willing to tell Him what ails you?

I Corinthians 1:3-4

Grace (favor and spiritual blessing) be to you and [heart] peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

4 I thank my God at all times for you because of the grace (the favor and spiritual blessing) of God which was bestowed on you in Christ Jesus,

Y'all already know so let's get it. I am so humbled by grace. It is so profound in my own life. It lifts me up and provides me a respite. It is my heart's great comfort. Grace is the favor I'll never earn or be worthy of that gets poured out on my life each and everyday without ceasing. Grace makes a way for my relationship. If you really think about it, Grace lets me say all those things to God. Without grace, telling God most things would be scary. How are you going to tell God that you want to want His will but you don't actually want it and He not smite you for insubordination or some other word that means disrespect? Grace. Grace makes room for relationship because it covers that fact that I have no right to relationship with Him. Grace makes a bridge between the Divine and me.

Peace....yes peace from God. I can tell you on one hand how many places peace resides. Though there are people that make me feel peaceful, the peace I'm talking about only comes from above. I've never found peace like the kind God gives. I've never been able to find sufficient peace any where else. What I love about God's peace is that you can have it despite. Despite your situation, despite your circumstance, despite the fact that your feelings are a whirlwind, despite what your mom says, despite your test grade. Despite all of it, God's peace is bigger. Its radical.

Let's go intimate for a second. I am so grateful for the salvation of other people I know. I can't actually help you get saved, but if you are it so blesses my soul. I don't have to worry about you because like me, you belong to Him and if you do then I know He's got you. A step further would be that I worry even less about you if I know and trust your relationship with Him. There are some people who I pray for and that prayer literally looks like "Lord, let your will be done in their lives and let them be receptive to your perfect plan for them. I know they know you and they're doing this walk with you too so give them peace and let them know someone else is praying for them." Yup....super brief. What I've come to know is that salvation isn't enough. You've got to be in relationship because relationship is what makes you more like Him. Relationship transforms you. Relationship with the Father through the blood of His Son is the action piece of salvation. Its the fruit of salvation.

I Corinthians 1:5

[So] that in Him in every respect you were enriched, in full power and readiness of speech [to speak of your faith] and complete knowledge and illumination [to give you full insight into its meaning].

What does your faith mean to you? Mine means I'm okay. It means I'm acceptable. It means I don't have to do anything to be worthy of love. Its tells me of my purpose. It directs my path. My faith is a defining feature of who I am. People who know me know....I'm fairly serious about Jesus. He's mine because He called me His first. I'm continuously blown away by my relationship with God. I still don't know what all it means, but I trust Him that it will only be His absolute best for me.

Trust is essential for faith. It undergirds faith. Without trust in God, how can faith be? I have to trust that God is exactly who He says He is because if I don't, then I can't believe in things I can't see. My faith is based on trusting that God is not only who He says He is but that He's unchanging. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is my God as well. How can anything His Word says apply to me if I don't trust Him? I mean I know me and I know I'm not worthy. So if His grace and His benevolence and His mercy aren't things I trust, then I'm out because I know I can't earn anything with God. I know sin is a thing in my life. It gets even deeper.  If I don't trust that God is who He says He is, then can I trust the cross? He's telling me the cross is His way of redeeming my soul but salvation comes by what? Faith and faith requires trust. How can I have faith that my sins are forgiven if I don't trust Him? Even more simply, how can I believe that His will for me is His best for me if I don't trust Him?  If I don't believe that His plan is to prosper me and not to fail me as His Word says then of course I'm going to do my own thing and try and figure stuff out. Can I offer that I've been there, tried that, and failed? I have. Me trying to run my own life was a train wreck. I'm so happy to be in the passenger's seat of my own life.

I Corinthians 1:19

For it is written, I will baffle and render useless and destroy the learning of the learnedand the philosophy of the philosophers and the cleverness of the clever and the discernment of the discerning; I will frustrate and nullify [them] and bring [them] to nothing.

If I ever needed an extra special dose of humility about this PhD here it is! God cares because my PhD will admit me to spaces and places that He wants me in to share Him either directly or indirectly but it doesn't actually matter. You know I had to get a PhD to figure out that it doesn't matter the way I thought it would? Yes, I sign my name with it and yes I cherish it deeply but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. This relationship with God matters. How I treat people I say I love matters. My attitude matters. How I behave around people I don't love matters. How my life reflects Christ matters. So to some degree, a PhD does matter. It matters because it reflects so many things about faith: diligence, perseverance, excellence, the ability to submit to authority. But it won't get me into heaven. Will not!

This is a double back and I usually don't do this but I saw a verse on IG and it grabbed me. romans 12:3 says
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

This so speaks to my heart about what I'd written previously. Its so important that my view of myself stays a reflect of Christ's love for me and His thoughts about me and not the things I've accomplished through Christ in me. And even more vital that I not thing the things He's accomplished are my own accomplishments. Lord, let me never be that confused. There are places in me that definitely need work. I'm patient but not enough. I'm kind, but my minimum level of kindness isn't high enough. I'm not nearly forgiving enough because I'm oversensitive. There are places in my life that need work. They need His touch and I need to grasp the hem of His garment that I might be made anew.

I Corinthians 1:24

But to those who are called, whether Jew or Greek (Gentile), Christ [is] the Power of God and the Wisdom of God.

Oh my....to be called. I don't know about you but I know for a fact that I'm called. I know He's got purpose for me and things I'm supposed to do. I know there are spaces waiting for me to be ready to enter them. I know He's preparing me for things that today would terrify me.
Calling is such an interesting thing. I know some of the things I'm called to and I'm oblivious to others. There are places in which I see such purpose and times when it all just clicks and I'm like "Ohhhhh that's what you had me doing."
My relationship with my undergrad started because she's a phenomenal writer of fan fiction. That was it. And its grown exponentially. My own relationship with my mentor started with an off color comment I made in her presence.
My intercessory prayer life was kicked into high gear because I was called to it. As clearly as I can hear the song playing say "Make me over again" God said to me "I let this happen because I knew you'd pray for her the way she needs to be prayed for" and what that has meant has changed so drastically that I know its God. Even my own ideas about it are so radically different. If you could hear my prayers for January and the ones I pray today...you'd know He's moved me mightily. I surpass myself.
My future marriage....He told me about it. He's been planting the seeds in me forever to be able to understand what He'd say, but when He said it...it still blew me away. Me Lord? This is what you want from me? This is what you're going to equip me to do? What I love is that He doesn't just call us but He gives us power and equips us to do what He's asked. Hearing from on High "yea, a little to the left", "nope more grace there", "more truth, less sugar" keeping me right where He wants me. I need Him and I love Him. He is so amazing.

I Corinthians 1:25

 [This is] because the foolish thing [that has its source in] God is wiser than men, and the weak thing [that springs] from God is stronger than men.

One thing I've learned that the thing that makes no sense to me, has no bearing on whether or not God has purpose in it. My thoughts and His thoughts are not on an even playing field. There are quite simply things I'll never understand on this side of Jordan and that reality has to be okay in me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I can't go fixing the thing I want to see changed without Him. He can do whatever He will without any help from me. I need to be in the space He has me and He can go handle whatever needs handling.
I've also learned that thing no one believed was God and no one thought anything would come of, now leads the pack. When my follow through lacks, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect. The thing that is of God, is.
I'm so humbled to be called His.

I Corinthians 1:27

for God selected (deliberately chose) what in the world is foolish to put the wise to shame, and what the world calls weak to put the strong to shame.

God can do a whole lot with what we perceive to be nothing. Remember the fish and the loaves of bread? Yea, that's my God. When I think of the things He's called me that I know people will view as lesser than, I cling to the truth that that thing God ordains will bring Him glory in the end. That truth satisfies my soul.

I Corinthians 1:31

So then, as it is written, Let him who boasts and proudly rejoices and glories, boast andproudly rejoice and glory in the Lord.

He is my hope. He is my joy. He is my gift. He makes a way for my relationship with God. He makes me smile through tears. He is mine.