We of Robust Faith

Apparently, this is what me and God are doing right now. You know how you get on your knees and God's like "This person. Speak their name. Talk to me about them." Yea....He's been doing that a lot recently. its the same person but its just surprising.

Anyway, today I woke up thinking about belonging. Belonging is critical. It was a part of last night's prayer. There's something so powerful about being called a Christian. To use the name of Christ to describe who I am? Seriously? Yes, belonging is powerful. Quite a few people lay claim to my life professionally and personally. I'm humbled by those connections. One in particular blows my mind. You know how you can see yourself in someone else? Yea...I see myself in her. I also see how far off I am from becoming what I need to be.

There are so many places in my life that I need to grow in. I'm selective. Very selective. The version of me that people get in general is a fairly decent person. She's loving and kind and respectful but there's definitely levels to it. I've just recently started praying for more empathy. And last night I prayed about being able to quiet myself to the point where I can hear the voice of God with absolute clarity. There are many things He's shown me or told me but I'm not here for believing the first time. I'm the consummate confirmer. He's faithful in that but I want to be able to believe the first time I hear because my connection with Him is that much of a live wire. What I love about me and God doing our thing is that is alive. Its a living, breathing relationship. He's constantly speaking and I'm constantly saying "Huh? Wait a minute....me? You want me to do that? Say that? Be that?" God is always after me to be more like Him.

Last night I talked to God about equipping me. He's constantly doing it and sometimes I don't know why. Actually often time I don't. As I said last night....I know me. Not as well as He does, but enough to know I'm not worthy. What I love is that the God in me is worthy and makes this human useful in a much larger plan. I'll conclude these thoughts the same way I did last night.

God, I just want to make you smile.

Romans 15:1-2

We who are strong [in our convictions and of robust faith] ought to bear with the failings and the frailties and the tender scruples of the weak; [we ought to help carry the doubts and qualms of others] and not to please ourselves.

Let each one of us make it a practice to please (make happy) his neighbor for his goodand for his true welfare, to edify him [to strengthen him and build him up spiritually].

So last night I didn't actually read this scripture. I read the 16th chapter of Romans. I actually made the conscious decision not to reread this scripture last night. This right here......my my my. I literally just talked to God about this. Y'all know He handles me.

You know how sometimes you want to pray for what you want to pray for? Lord knows I want Him to move in certain ways and make His will known. But what He's shown me is that there is a greater need somewhere else. He's like "I told you these things so you could walk this prayer journey out." And boy is it a journey.  In my intercessory prayer time I talked to God about how fundamental it is to understand the very nature of His deity. It gets really real in my prayer time. There are foundational things that He shows me that need repairing. Sometimes they need a complete overhaul. And what I love about God is that He's like "I know what you want, but this is what they need." That is such a humbling place to be because it requires me to be about my Father's business and not about my own. Its my role as the intercessor to pray not for what I want but for what the person I'm praying for needs. What I've found is that if I pay attention, they either tell me or the Lord will lead me right there at my bedside to the prayer I need to be praying. I've just got to get quiet enough.

There's a removal of selfish intention that happens in my prayer life that astounds me. I'm so floored by it but here it is in scripture. I love when the Spirit in me lines right on up with the scripture. God does not confuse me nor does He contradict Himself. He's calling me to do why edifying not for me but for the person I'm praying for. I knew that inside me but I love seeing it in black and white. What did I tell y'all about His faithfulness?

Romans 15:5

Now may the God Who gives the power of patient endurance (steadfastness) and Who supplies encouragement, grant you to live in such mutual harmony and such full sympathy with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus,

 Isn't this a beautiful sentiment? Isn't it a beautiful thing to say? Its also true. God truly does give patient endurance. The journey that's led to where I am today in a multitude of areas in my life has required patient endurance. What I love here is that the power of steadfastness is followed by encouragement. Listen.... for those of us that God calls to wait...there can be some serious doubt in there and some not so pleasant feelings. God never doesn't only give instruction but He also gives power to walk that out. When I've reached for Him, He's been consistently there telling me
"Its fine."
"Its working for your good."
"Its my will for you"
"I am more the sufficient."
"My grace will be with you always"
"I am God"
"I've got purpose in this"
"You're going to be alright."

He is my biggest cheerleader. Sometimes He speaks these things through other people but He also tells me directly. This scripture goes on to say that we may live in harmony and sympathy with one another. <--- Lord if this isn't something I'm going to need as a med student. Team work is so important in science. I use to belong to a phenomenal team. I miss them all the time. I'm going to be a part of a new team and I definitely need to have the right mindset going into that. I'm so thankful that I do know current med students who I've talked to about how to navigate certain situations. The one thing about science is that its all on you mentally. Medicine isn't like that. I've got to learn to be less closed off academically. Yea...that's getting added to my daily prayer list!

Romans 15:7

Welcome and receive [to your hearts] one another, then, even as Christ has welcomedand received you, for the glory of God.

Listen....with the new season in my life I've got to make some room. My life is full in many ways. I just don't really have space. But what I've learned is that God will make some. There are a whole host of people coming into my life shortly and I want to be able to be fully present for everything life is about to bring my way. Laboratories aren't like that. We add maybe 2-3 people a year and lose about the same. Its fairly consistent and because my lab also has companies associated we didn't actually lose most of the people. In the 6 years I was there, only 3 people actually left. Lots of people will be rotating in and out and I want to learn as much as I can from each of them and each interaction. I'm hoping to be a better people person as a result of the experience. Its funny that I say that because the people in research always said I was too charismatic and down to earth to be a scientist. My mentor just became a dean because she's such a people person on top of being a boss chemist. I think moving into medicine is my move into the people part.

Romans 15:13

May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.

 My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I love how a lot of these sound like benedictions. I love a good benediction. I pray one every time I end my evening prayers. There's something about a benediction...they're so yummy to my spirit. Hope isn't something I often harp on. But I definitely have it. Since I'm currently listening to Confidence by Tasha Cobbs I'll go ahead and say that I am so confident in who God is. See, I know God's got me. He's got all of this and its all going to be His very best for me. He's on my side. He is without a doubt my friend and my greatest companion. Because I know these things I have joy but just as importantly I have peace. There are so many places in my life where I could be uneasy. And sometimes I am. But on the good days....I'm so filled with the reality of who God is that I have no choice but to be at peace. He's going to do what's in my best interest every time...even when it hurts. When its downright painful, He's still on my side and He's still making a way for me.

Seeking after Him first allows me to be used for His glory and assured of joy. Happiness isn't always a part of that and that is a critical consideration. I'm not always happy but knowing I'm on purpose and in my purpose...joy. I believe God. Because I do believe Him, I've been able to isolate His hand in my life and that's data. As a PhD I'm always asking "What does the data say?" The data on God says stay hopeful and remain steadfast in your pursuit of His righteousness girl!

Romans 15:18

For [of course] I will not venture (presume) to speak thus of any work except what Christ has actually done through me [as an instrument in His hands] to win obedience from the Gentiles, by word and deed,

All I've got is the knowledge that I know it wasn't me. I know I'm not capable. I know its Christ in me perfecting me and doing this thing with me that equips me and makes me worthy and functional and capable. I 'm careful to give Him the glory because I want people to know. I want to be absolutely clear about the fact that its God and/in me not me alone. Anything I've ever done that's been worth something...that was God and/in me. He's awesome.

Romans 15:22

This [ambition] is the reason why I have so frequently been hindered from coming to visit you.

This will be so true in the coming months. I pride myself on being able to be there for people. I'm basically always available. That stops in July. It'll be hard but He's called me to something that requires intense preparation. I still love you and think about you. I've decided to write letters in lieu of conversation. They'll last longer. They can be revisited. They can be touched and handled. They will speak for me when my preparation requires me to remain silent. I'd love to see your face...but the way God is directing me may make that impossible. I'll see you again love. I'm thinking of and praying for you.