A few weeks ago I decided to just open my Bible and see what the Lord had for me. I do this from time to time and its always fresh and new. Now...I love my prescribed reading to but surprise scripture is a special type of delicious.
I opened by Bible to Ruth. Yup...Ruth. One of the few books in the Bible with a woman's name as the title. I'll go ahead and say I'd never read Ruth before. It just hadn't struck me but it did that day.
The story goes that Ruth's husband died and she had two sons. Those two sons took wives but the sons also died. Ruth was left with her daughter's in law or in love as some like to right. Let's parlay a minute. I'm so thankful my existence doesn't depend on a man anymore because of societal foolishness. If a woman was good enough to be the first person to know that Christ wasn't in His tomb, then by golly we can live independently. What I really want to talk about is the idea of a daughter in law or in love. Right now the Supreme Court is hearing arguments about whether or not the love I will share with my wife will make her legally my parents' daughter in law. This is important to me. Why? Because I want legal standing for my wife in relationship to me. I want her to have a right to any money I have without question and to make decisions for me talked about across pillows and in the time before our alarm clocks rush us out of our quiet time together. I know I love her. I know that my commitment to her isn't made stronger by the law but based on the fact that forsaking all others, I'd choose her everyday for the rest of my life. (I'm going to come back to this idea) I want my government to say that that choice, that decision, to walk through life seeking God and fulfilling the vows my heart, mind, and spirit made to her matter to them too.
I think in scripture there a clear difference between being a daughter in law and daughter in love coming up in this chapter. Orpah is the daughter in law. She loves her mother in law but when released from her obligation, she goes. Ruth....that's my girl. She's not about that leaving life. Ruth says the following in Ruth 1:16
And Ruth said, Urge me not to leave you or to turn back from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. [b]Your people shall be my people and your God my God.
This girl is about this life. She stays because the love she has for her mother in love is binding. Now this isn't just any type of love. God has dealt with me about that too. You can't offer anything, you have to offer your best in love. Ruth is giving a perfect effort. She married into this family and she is actively choosing them.
Choice. Choice is so important. Choice is what God has impressed upon my heart so heavily as it relates to marriage and sexual expression. I'd never thought about in the way He's spoken to me about it. When I asked Him about it He said this "Can you say forsaking all others, you'd chose her?"
Whoa God. Whoa. Like would I choose her forever?
Like for the rest of my life?
Ummm can I tell you this individual had to ponder that seriously and intensely? I sure did. Fasted AND prayed cause that was quite a lot. It was here that I first knew He wanted commitment from me before He'd give me an answer about my sexuality. The Lord led me to the idea that who He is and How He operates and thus how I should operate as His beloved towards another one of His beloved children had to come with commitment built it.
There's nothing real there without commitment. I had to commit first. Now don't think me haughty because I'm not at all like Jesus but I'm struck by the fact that Jesus committed before. He went to the cross for us well before we ever gave Him the time of day. He didn't require anything from us before making the ultimate sacrifice for us. If you look back to Ephesians it says Love your wives and Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Ummmm yea.
Gave Himself up for is the same thing as committing to the Church. His love for the Church was bigger than the fact that she wasn't manifesting that type of love towards Him and never would. He loved her because He did and He knew exactly who the Church was and would be and He did it anyway. Jesus was serious about His commitment and I think that if the model for marriage is the relationship of Christ towards the Church then serious is a must.
I want to be where God is. God was, has, and continues to say to me "This is where I am. Can you be there with me?" I want to be where He is. There is no feeling like knowing you're in His will down in the core of who you are. I know that feeling. I'm living in it and it blows my mind with great regularity.
What I love about Ruth is that she committed AND followed through. The commitment was the marriage. The staying after she could by all intents and purposes go was the follow through. Follow through is essential. The Lord is working on mine because let me tell you....its good but its not great. I don't yet have the faith of Caleb. I don't have the patience of Job. And I definitely don't love like Christ.
Can I tell you that the more I know Him, the better I am at all of these things? There are parts of me, things I'm capable of now, that were NOT a thing even 6 months ago. He's opened my heart in ways I never would have allowed in my humanity. Who wants to be that vulnerable? I surely don't. But in my vulnerability, He protects me. I know that's a odd statement but its true. The more open I am in my relationship with Him, the safer I am in my relationships with people. <----That statement just surprised me. Yea....He handles me like that some times but that's really what has happened.
That's what I've got. Commitment and follow through. Love that gives first, commits first, honors first. A love that leads. That's the space I'm in....and its ooey gooey good. He's amazing.
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