Afraid

I'm afraid too
I'm scared too
The certainty of knowing you're the one
you're it
its not easy

Yes, there's comfort in knowing its God
the same God I've always known
who's always been there
but the how
the when
the waiting
scares me

I'm afraid that one day
you won't choose me
even if I'm His best for you
even if He tells you as much
I'm terrified
that what I know we could have
we'll both miss out on

Yes, I trust Him in a way that most people don't
Yes, I believe
But you're a person
you're a living breathing breathtaking entity
one of His masterpieces
His beloved and mine too
and I've been charged with loving you without reservation
choosing you above everyone else always
caring for you in sunlight and rain
I'm accountable
in a "give myself up for you" way
And I'm scared
because I know I can't do all of those things all the time

I know I can't do that on my own
but the Him in me
can

Be ye not deceived
that in my certainty I'm without fear
I'm only this surefooted because He's constant
because I go back to Him time and time again
confirmation after confirmation
I'm dumbfounded that He'd choose me for you
truly
Because I'm human
and I could ruin the gift He's given us
My human frailty both enrages me and humbles me

It sends me to my knees saying
Lord make me what she needs me to be
its a prayer I'm challenged by
because I'm changing too
because this thing He's told me
places demands on me too
demands like nothing else I've ever endeavored to become
because marriage is His creation
and being a wife
your wife
will be my great challenge
our magnificent adventure

In the face of fear,
I choose to step forward
I pray you'll step forward too