Appt with Jesus

I sometimes feel like a migraine is God making an appointment with me for later.

When I have a migraine I go to sleep as soon as possible and that usually mean I'm in bed way longer than I normally would be so God usually wakes me up in the middle of that and we talk.

We talk a lot.
I'm talking about like an hour or two.
A legit convo.
I prayed and said Amen and prayed again.
We're funny...me and God.

Midnight chat time

So last night was rambling and we talked about all the things I wanted to talk about. God knows I'm going to talk and talk and then finally muster up the courage to ask that real questions, the hard questions...the "I need the faith I've built in You throughout the years to know I'll get through the answer whatever it is" questions.
I was actually kind of troubled by something my love had said to me and the fact that I didn't feel I could answer her honestly so I'm going to do it here.

She said something about "fitting in my long term plan" and I thought to myself in that moment "my long term plan is you."
But I didn't say that.
Its true though.
So I talked to God about it.

I talked to Him about how my long term plan is putting my hand across her belly full with our baby, about hearing someone call her my wife, about seeing her walk down the aisle towards me.
I talked to Him about how I want to go home to her and wake up to her and argue about the dishwasher with her.
How I want to pray with her, study with her, and proudly tell people about her. ( I do that now, I just don't get to say she's my wife. I say she's my best friend which is true in ways I'll never be able to express.)
I talked to Him about how I really want to talk to her, to hear her voice and her concerns. I saw this thing that said

"When you call, I'll answer. When you scream, I'll listen. When you need, I'll give. When it comes to you, I don't know how not to."

This is so indicative of how I've felt about her for so long.
I talked to God about how I felt like she'd been broken in so many ways and how I want Him to show her who He sees when He looks at her....and who I see too.

I talked to God for a long long time and then I asked Him what He wanted to tell me about her. Show me something new God. Show me something about my love.

And He obliged a young thug.

He told me Matthew 2:12 which I blearily turned to at around 3 am.

Then Herod secretly sent for the magi and learned from them [e]the [exact] time the star [had first] appeared. 8 Then he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search carefully for the Child; and when you have found Him, report to me, so that I too may come and worship Him.” 9 After hearing the king, they went their way; and behold, the star, which they had seen in the east, went on before them [continually leading the way] until it came and stood over the place where the young Child was. 10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. 11 And after entering the house, they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell down and worshiped Him. Then, after opening their treasure chests, they presented to Him gifts [fit for a king, gifts] of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. 12 And having been warned [by God] in a dream not to go back to Herod, the magi left for their own country by another way.

Its the story of the Magi not returning to Herod with news of Jesus. What I wrote down was "God can make a way out of no way and take you some place a new way and He can do it with a dream."

Lets consider that a few moments.

So in the Word, Herod pretends to be interested/as devout as the Magi are so they will talk to him. He then sends them out to see Jesus who they see and they rejoice over Him. Now I think something critical happens in verse 12.

They were warned by God not to go back to they way they came AND not to return to Herod.
Let's parse that.
God took them a new way home. It was the same home but it was a new way to get there.  Home is the place you're most comfortable, the place where you invest the most emotional capitol. People often say home is where the heart is.
I have always called her my home. Its a perpetual analogy I've made along with called her my safe place or my safe harbor. Home for me has never been a place but a person.
She's home.
I hear God saying "You're going home."

The Word also says that a dream was the main means of communication between God and the Magi for this very important message.
Y'all don't know this but God's always given me dreams of us together. I use to tell her about them actually. He's always shown me things like my proposal or the birth of our first child. I even had a dream about her being mad at me about not being able to do her own feet and I did them in the dream. Yea...that's my life.
So anyway, I still dream about her and I know that's still God because I haven't heard her voice except by voicemail in over a year. I talk to her in the dreams He gives me.

Also dreams? Really Jesus? Talk about making a way out of no way. The idea that we could come back together and be what He's told me we will be? Yea...I don't see how but He knows more than I do, clearly. I believe though...remember that in spite of faith... I've got a whole heap of it.

Do Y'ALL see how God handles me?!?!?!?! This is my legit life.
God sends a migraine.
I get my behind in bed.
I wake up around 2ish and we hash this thing out.
I get a scripture.
I read it and write my over-reaching idea at the time.
I come here and think through it more thoroughly.
And now I'm here with this.
Anyway...one of our chiefs is lecturing tomorrow so....Night!