So this is what I'd planned to write.
I went to God about these women and He sent me this.
Proverbs 11
I want to highlight some specific verses from there....
The integrity of the upright guides them,
but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
The righteousness of the upright delivers them,
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires.
These two verses are classic Jesus and me. He's always challenging me to be who He knows I can be. And honestly, being a person of integrity is also something I really strive for. I want to be known for actually living my life the way I speak. When I tell someone to go to God about something, its not because I don't have an opinion but because I've done that work myself. I've gone to Him with the impossible questions...with questions that have answers that could break you open. I've done that. I know what I'm asking you to do. I want to continue to live my life in such a way that people continue to seek me out to pray for them despite not necessarily agreeing with some core truths I have. I love that my life challenges what people think they know about Christianity and homosexuality and I think that's a direct reflection of the act that I strive to have integrity in my relationships, in my school work, in my life in general.
I want to highlight that idea of "the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity" because duplicity is what I could have. I could both know who God wants for me AND date this other girl in the mean time. What God wants for me won't change but it will cost both me and the other girl greatly. Let's consider for a moment that if I entertained a relationship with another girl, at any point my wife could show up. I would undoubtedly choose her but that doesn't mean I won't have any ties to this other woman. That doesn't mean that it wouldn't be an unnecessarily painful process because I failed to let integrity rule in my life.
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires.
These two verses are classic Jesus and me. He's always challenging me to be who He knows I can be. And honestly, being a person of integrity is also something I really strive for. I want to be known for actually living my life the way I speak. When I tell someone to go to God about something, its not because I don't have an opinion but because I've done that work myself. I've gone to Him with the impossible questions...with questions that have answers that could break you open. I've done that. I know what I'm asking you to do. I want to continue to live my life in such a way that people continue to seek me out to pray for them despite not necessarily agreeing with some core truths I have. I love that my life challenges what people think they know about Christianity and homosexuality and I think that's a direct reflection of the act that I strive to have integrity in my relationships, in my school work, in my life in general.
I want to highlight that idea of "the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity" because duplicity is what I could have. I could both know who God wants for me AND date this other girl in the mean time. What God wants for me won't change but it will cost both me and the other girl greatly. Let's consider for a moment that if I entertained a relationship with another girl, at any point my wife could show up. I would undoubtedly choose her but that doesn't mean I won't have any ties to this other woman. That doesn't mean that it wouldn't be an unnecessarily painful process because I failed to let integrity rule in my life.
I also know that striving to be righteous and upstanding has allowed me to weather some things that I look back on and go "How?" and Jesus says "Me." lol He's like that. Note that I said striving...which isn't succeeding. God wants me effort. He wants my heart to be after it even though I'm going to fall short a lot.
I think the fact that I've maintained a posture of integrity in all of these relationships has been pivotal to my ability to both know who my wife is going to be and be around other women who have expressed interest in me.
With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors,
but through knowledge the righteous escape.
but through knowledge the righteous escape.
This one is HUGE! Remember "My people perish for a lack of knowledge?" I know asking hard questions by its very definition hard. Its challenging. Trust me. I've approached the throne numerous times about my love, thinking that over time God would have something different to say to me. He doesn't. But every time I ask, despite knowing that God is unchanging, I am prepared for the fact that He could say something different.
The awesome thing about knowledge is knowing. Knowing will change your life. Knowing changed mine. My understanding about what it really means to be an MD...it inspires me to study.
Knowing what I know about my future marriage is also so important. I know y'all are thinking that that's because of her but its also because of these other people. Because I know who my wife is, I'm not out here breaking hearts. I'm able to look at situations, realize how serious someone may be, and pull back because I know there's no reason for her to be invested in me that deeply. I'm able to avoid causing others pain because I stay connected to Him. I keep asking and it keeps everyone emotionally safe and well taken care of.
Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted,
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.
I've always been sure that God's going to do something amazing with my marriage. I've had a heart for marriage for so long and I think God did that in me because He knew I was going to need to believe deeply in the institution as many people won't believe I deserve to have it. If our current administration is any indication, everyone isn't keen on me loving her as flesh of my flesh.
What I love about God though is that He can use anything and I know He's going to use me and my wife. I know that people will look at our marriage and say "I wasn't sure about gay marriage but I know God is in that marriage. I know God is foundational to that marriage and thus... gay marriage is of God."
Knowing what I know, I can look at both these situations differently. With one girl, I know we'd just have fun. Even if I didn't know what I know, me and that girl wouldn't ever have anything that would change people's mindset about gay marriage. With the other, you put together knowledge from the previous verse and what God's shown me about my marriage and I know that with her, I have to be even more careful because she'd try and its a losing game. She's not His plan for me even though I know she wants to be.
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.
I've always been sure that God's going to do something amazing with my marriage. I've had a heart for marriage for so long and I think God did that in me because He knew I was going to need to believe deeply in the institution as many people won't believe I deserve to have it. If our current administration is any indication, everyone isn't keen on me loving her as flesh of my flesh.
What I love about God though is that He can use anything and I know He's going to use me and my wife. I know that people will look at our marriage and say "I wasn't sure about gay marriage but I know God is in that marriage. I know God is foundational to that marriage and thus... gay marriage is of God."
Knowing what I know, I can look at both these situations differently. With one girl, I know we'd just have fun. Even if I didn't know what I know, me and that girl wouldn't ever have anything that would change people's mindset about gay marriage. With the other, you put together knowledge from the previous verse and what God's shown me about my marriage and I know that with her, I have to be even more careful because she'd try and its a losing game. She's not His plan for me even though I know she wants to be.
Those who are kind benefit themselves,
but the cruel bring ruin on themselves.
but the cruel bring ruin on themselves.
I really want to be known for being kind. I think that's so important for the people in relationship with me to know that they can say almost anything to me and know that there's no judgement here. I think kindness is an undervalued quality in the world right now. I definitely think it benefits me, in so many ways, but mostly because people tell me things that I don't always think they intend to but it helps them out and it helps me see another perspective. Kindness...its a good thing.
I always endeavor to give kindness in these situations with these girls. I don't want anyone to get hurt.
A generous person will prosper
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!!! Can I tell you that every time I go to God for anyone He gives me something for me too?!?!?! Its so awesome. Giving, and the ability to give, have been the greatest blessings in my life. I'm a giver. Its who I am.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!!! Can I tell you that every time I go to God for anyone He gives me something for me too?!?!?! Its so awesome. Giving, and the ability to give, have been the greatest blessings in my life. I'm a giver. Its who I am.
The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life,
and the one who is wise saves lives.
Collectively, I feel like God was saying "Stay true to who you are in Me."
and the one who is wise saves lives.
Collectively, I feel like God was saying "Stay true to who you are in Me."
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