We're Grading You Boo

So I had a patient come in for STD testing.

Cool.

STDs in women are bread and butter gyn. I like gyn.

I think sleeping with men is cray, but nonetheless, women keep doing it and ending up in clinic.

So anyway, I was discussing my patient's history with the team and I said she's had two sexual partners.
Our new NP student was like "This year?"
P: "In life."
NP: "That's a question?
P: What is?
NP: How many partners you've had in life.
P: Yes, for adolescent gyn.
NP: Who can remember how many partners they've had?

Now at this point I'm like BRUUUUUH! What?

NP: Seriously! Who knows how many partners they've had.
P: I do. One. Its why I am the way I am with these patients. Be responsible. It won't kill you.

NP: But if you've been dating since high school.....

Now at this point our attending is like

A: I dated my first boy at 6. He was 5. We kissed behind the chalk board.
P: Awww a boy asked me to marry him when I was 3. I said no.
CUE LAUGHTER
A: You knew way back then?
P: Well I was sure about marriage as an institution but having one with a man? I wasn't so keen on that. But I thought that was the only way. Oh but when I discovered there was another way Jesus!
A: Wow. I knew I liked boys way back then.

Then my attending said something bout her high school boyfriend.

Now we have made a very clear left turn AWAY from sex history.

NP: So if that was 9th grade, could you really count the number of partners you've had since then?

This is a question directed at our ATTENDING! She's grading you boo! (I am too!)

I see my attending's eyebrow raise ever so slightly and can I tell you I almost died!

SO DAMN MUCH was going on!

Bruh, you just asked our attending for her body count. I volunteered mine but you can't ASK a person you've known all of two weeks for their body count. And honestly, if you're an adult, it shouldn't matter any damn way.

My attending dodges the question and the NP continues

NP: I could never count the number of partners I've had.
Then this chick proceeds to try and count.

I was so outdone.

I wanted to shout "You are OVERSHARING! We don't know you like that!"

It took me months to tell her I was gay and even longer to tell her about my love.
And you're asking her for her body count? Nah son.

So we made another left.... a stronger left.

My attending started reading the case from that morning grand rounds OUT LOUD.

Y'all..so much was going on. So very much.
But alas, the case worked and we escaped...only to discuss that nonsense after she left.

Me and my attending are a team. We talk about everyone. We over a year in the game!