Why I Write

Philosophers say "If you can't write down what you think so that someone else can read it and understand what you think, you actually don't know what you think."

This, in large part, is why I write.
I write because until its written I don't actually know what I think.
A friend was asking me about something today and I literally said
"I haven't written about it yet so I'm not sure how I feel about it."

Writing allows me space to formulate my thoughts, feelings, and emotions into something my largely logical mind can digest. Its not nearly as important to know that I'm crying/laughing/happy as it is to know why I feel that way. Writing allows me to antagonize why I feel a certain way about an experience.

As many of you know, my love life is interesting to put it mildly. Writing about how I feel and more importantly why I feel what I feel is like giving myself a nonjudgmental but very present friend.
Early one morning recently, I woke up in tears. I wasn't 100% sure why I was crying but I pulled out my phone and started writing.
 "You don't wake up in tears because you miss your wife?" is what I wrote.
Because I wrote it down, I was then able to say to myself "You have a valid reason for feeling this way. Missing someone is hard. It makes sense that you're sad about it." Being able to logically connect an emotion to its origin...? That's a gift.

I also write a ton about God.  In many ways this blog is both a prayer and the inner workings of my mind. It is largely through my writing that I process what it is I believe about God. Additionally, it is through God's inspired text, that I understand both who God is and what He wants me to know.

When I write about what I understand God to be doing in my life, I am then able to take what many think is ethereal and hard to nail down and concretely say
"I prayed about this and God sent me this scripture."
"I asked God this question and then this very similar situation presented itself to me with a solution."

I can tie A to B in a very clean, neat line.
I go back to God about the same things over and over and what He's shown me is that if I keep asking about A, he'll show me every facet of the B He originally stated. With that knowledge, I have motivation to keep on keeping on.  For example, God talks to me about integrity in His Word all the time and His words to me are the foundation of my behavior. His words are my why.
Sometimes I can tie A to P in a stepwise but not so clean line, all the while seeing the connections because I wrote about each and every step. And having every step and the why behind it can change the way you see your life.

I don't want to gloss over the critical piece of knowing who God is and trusting who He is in allowing His words to be the why behind my way of being. That's the fulcrum on which my life is built. Because I write, I have a running record of who God is in my life and how He's changed me. I have His words and I have my own in response.

I had been writing about the importance of God's Word about 16 days ago and then I went to church and Pastor preached about the importance of God's Word! Now, I would have remembered that I'd been thinking about that during the week but the deeper connections to what I actually thought and understood wouldn't have been there had I not been writing about it already. God wanted to tell me more about this thing He'd already laid on my heart and I could very clearly see A to B in that.

In very tangible ways I have gone to God and said repeatedly "If you don't do this thing it won't happen." God has responded with "I will deliver you" in His Word.
But you see, I wouldn't be able to connect those things or realize those things without a record of them.
My writing is the record.
My writing also allows me to remember the promises and the truths God has spoken to me.

Its all in the writing.

In real life "If you believe something strongly and you want to tell somebody why it is you believe it strongly, the test of that is not whether they agree with you at the end of it. The test is whether or not they understand why you feel the way you do after you are done talking."

I hope that in my writing, you all have come to understand the why behind my actions, beliefs, and desires. It'll always be the why that draws me to write. Just as you get to watch me understand myself, it is here that I too understand myself.

Shalom