Fixed on Glory

Sometimes all you can do is get on your knees and call out to God. Sometimes its your last resort BUT what if it was your first? What if you sought Him before you did anything else? <---That's a challenge for me too. I love to seek counsel from others but I need to make sure that the voice given the most weight is the voice of God.

Psalm 41:4

“O Lord,” I prayed, “be kind and heal me, for I have confessed my sins.

The wages of sin are death. It is only through the death and resurrection of Jesus that we have access and the right to approach God for forgiveness. Forgiveness is huge. Sins are heavy for me. When I feel like I've done something I shouldn't have done, it literally plays in my mind over and over again. I play it back and trying different scenarios but ultimately I did it and now I can't escape it. Confessing sets me free from that. Knowing that if I confess with my mouth and are deeply repentant for my sins, God casts them away from me. Forgiveness is also an area I need to work on with people. Depending on the person and the transgression, I'm definitely not that easy going when it comes to forgiving. I know it probably doesn't seem that way because I can generally treat people nicely, but my ability to be open with them is shut off. If I can't trust you then I can't show you who I am.  I can't risk that kind of emotional vulnerability. I'm unsure of whether or not this is appropriate but self care is a real thing and I'm not God. I'm actually quite sensitive and my feelings are hurt easily. Lots of people think I'm never mad but I do get mad about issues. I'm never mad at people because usually I'm just hurt.

Psalm 41:12

You have preserved me because I was honest; you have admitted me forever to your presence.

I think being honest matters. I think its important to tell the truth. I know there's a lot of sugar coating and fancy language to skirt the truth but God sees all. He knows exactly what you did because 1. He was watching and 2. He knew you were going to do that. There's not point in lying to God. He's on your side. Also, grace. I have that word tattooed on my leg inside an infinity symbol because that's exactly how much grace God has for us. His grace is never ending. I think yesterday I wrote about how He helps those who stumble. Yup, same God y'all. The relationship you have with Him can be the most intimate of all because there's nothing you could do that He won't forgive. There are a few things you can say that aren't forgivable but for the most part, you can tell Him anything.
That thing about being in His presence? Its the most beautiful experience you'll ever have. Also you can go back any time!!!! When I tell you I go right on in each and every 80 commute, I tell you no lies. My only issue is that worship causes me to close my eyes so sometimes I have to listen to a podcast cause driving with your eyes close is...NOT A THING!

Psalm 42:2

My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?

you You talk about being overtaken by something. I know seeing the face of God will be like drowning in love. I'll be so far from caring for anything else and so sustained by His presence. I've always deeply believed in the splendor and beauty of going to be with God. I think that's why songs like "Precious Lord Take My Hand" have always blessed me. The idea of being home with Him....there is not greater desire of my heart. I realize that's a level of faith everyone doesn't have and hasn't experienced but it surely is mine. I want everyone to want Him more than they want anything else because 1. He's so worthy, 2. He's so faithful and loving, 3. The Bible says if you seek Him first, ALL things not some things. In my mind's eye, loving Him is enough but He's also going to give you the desires of your heart. I realize that getting to this place is a journey but delving this deep for me has given me such joy. I also find that the more of God I have, the more of God I want. Every time I seek and find Him, I desire to seek more. I push farther. My fasting is more intense. My prayers are bigger and more audacious. I'm constantly wanting more of Him and that posture has been so good for me.

Psalm 42:8

Yet the Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

ind' God' always there. He really is ever present. What I love about where I am with Him is that because I write in the mornings, I'm acutely aware of His love for me. I also worship in the morning and go right into not only who God is but who I am in Him. My days are filled with worship and joy as a result of this relationship. This fast has been more than I could have ever imagined. I never thought the simple act of bookending my day with God would make the middle so different but it is. I so look forward to seeing what the Lord will say to me in the evenings and meditating on that truth in the morning. I also get to pray the scripture at night. I've taken to actually getting on my knees for prayer. I think changing my physical posture has also changed me in some way.  I started it because I needed to make a devout petition unto God and now its just what I do. I did it as a child and its back y'all. You know what I love? I love when God gives you a verse that shows you "Yup, you're on the right track kid." That's me seeking and Him finding. All I can do is smile.

Psalm 43:3

O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your dwelling.

Nothing feels more peaceful than being in the center of His will for your life.  When I wasn't and I was trying to get there, specifically in the area of purpose and life's work, I was miserable. I was depressed and I was angry. I could put on a facade for others but I spent most of my time in bed with Netflix. Letting the process of getting into His will for me proceed in His timing was the most challenging faith walk I've ever been on. But I'm here. I see what you did. I'm so grateful. Now, I'm inclined to let Him lead all the time. Lord, what would you have me to do? I recently let Him redirect something that really scared me but it worked out beautifully because I was listening.

Psalm 44:8

In God we have made our boast all the day long, and we will give thanks to Your name forever. 

Its never been me. Its always been Him. All those things I've done. Every good thing I've done? That was Him in me. It wasn't me. Me isn't that great. Me is pretty dang on selfish and self serving. He's love and kind and patience. All those fruits of the spirit you see on display, that's God. I give Him all the credit because its His.

Psalm 45:7

You love righteousness, uprightness, and right standing with God and hate wickedness; therefore God, Your God, has anointed You with the oil of gladness above Your fellows.

My grad school bestie always told me I was happier than anyone she'd ever known. That's the joy of the Lord. Te thing that strikes me is that part of the joy I have is knowing He's pleased with me because I'm making a valiant but ultimately feeble effort to be in right standing with Him in our relationship. I'm also making an effort to reflect Him in my other relationships and that lets me walk away from really hard conversations knowing I've said and done what He would have me to do.