Psalm 26:2-3
Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; test my heart and my mind.
For Your loving-kindness is before my eyes, and I have walked in Your truth [faithfully]
Its so important in my relationship with God that He examine who I am. I'm not perfect and I never will be. The Lord's examination of my life also helps me to maintain this walk. Not only do I have issues coming before Him when I know I've done wrong or explicitly walked in a way I shouldn't but I also have trouble getting into a space of worship when I'm not willing to bring everything to God. I've found that when I need forgiveness for something I know I shouldn't have done, I need to pray a separate prayer of confession before I can get back in the groove of me and Jesus. Moreover, when I've asked God about matters of great concern, this process of presenting my heart and mind to Him and letting Him test me has allowed me to stand on the solid ground of knowing that I know before God what is and isn't true. It also allows me to let Him inform me of what I should and shouldn't do. He's so faithful. Even when you can't see how this is going to work He's always saying to me "All things, not somethings."
Psalm 26: 6-8
I will wash my hands in innocence, and go about Your altar, O Lord,
That I may make the voice of thanksgiving heard and may tell of all Your wondrous works.
Lord, I love the habitation of Your house, and the place where Your glory dwells.
There's nothing like being able to approach the throne of Grace. The relationship I'm permitted to have with God the Father through the sacrifice of His Son Jesus Christ is the most valuable thing I've ever had. It is the most valuable thing I'll ever possess. It's also why I felt it so important to start fasting immediately as opposed to waiting on Lent. I just can't get enough of Him and I want that for everyone I love. Worshiping the Lord is blinding to me sometimes. When I'm driving to work, I sometimes have to stop worshiping because I have a tendency to close my eyes. I don't close them on purpose though. My eyes close during worship because my cheeks are big and when I smile big they close my eyes. Yup, I be cheesing it up with the Lord. That's how I do!
I don't know if y'all have been in the place where His glory dwells but it usually reduces me to a puddle. Its too much and its everything you want. I'm just so in love with Him.
Psalm 26:11
But as for me, I will walk in my integrity; redeem me and be merciful and gracious to me
It is my sincere prayer that this continues to be my walk with the Lord. My integrity is so unbelievably valuable to me. It permits me to worship openly and without reservation. The Lord has redeemed my transgressions. He sees me pure and acceptable in His sight and His thoughts toward me are love.
Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
I love the Lord. As I sought Him over the years, its been my whole goal to eventually be told "Well done my good and faithful servant" and to be welcomed into the house of the Lord with exceedingly great joy. Yes those are words from the AMEZion tradition but they're also my heart's earnest prayer. I think I'm the only young person who has always loved songs like Precious Lord Take my Hand. This life is beautiful but the opportunity to worship continually has always been even more beautiful. My happiness is found in worship, in the doing of God's will. That, that is the hope of the other side of the river.
Psalm 27:8
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
I'm a huge seeker. I seek Him all the time. We are constantly communicating. Its lovely. The thing I love most about it is that the Word doesn't say find. It only says seek. You just have to want Him. He'll meet you wherever you are if you seek Him first.
Psalm 27:10
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
My parents haven't forsaken me. I have no way of knowing what their reaction to my homosexuality might be. They are capable of doing a multitude of things. But I know that I know that God won't ever cast me out of forsake me. Walking in the truth of God's word despite the realities of how anyone may feel gives me confidence that's on 1000. My mentor told me something very important about this though. Just because its God's will, that doesn't mean it will be easy. This part isn't trivial. I know if that if I lose my parents because of who God made me to be, it'll be terribly painful BUT I have a Father in Heaven who will supply every single one of my needs. The other reality is that I might not lose them at all. I was talking to my mom yesterday and I told her that I'd bring whoever I loved to any family function despite the behavior of one of our gay cousins who never brings her boo. I told her straight up, I would expect my spouse to be received like everyone else's regardless of gender. Yup, I'm bold like that.
Psalm 27:14
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
My heart endures much because I am steadfast about what the Lord has told me. Waiting on the Lord has never been easy. Getting into med school was over a year in the making of the application process. Getting into grad school happened just 5 days before I graduated from Hampton. Waiting on the Lord is a theme for me. The most important thing about the waiting has been His faithfulness. Not in my time, but in His own and not in my way but in His perfection. He only wants good for me so I will continue to wait on Him.
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him.
One of my favorite things to say is God is. Its a complete sentence. God is. He's everything I ever could have wanted and more than my mind will ever comprehend. His love for me stretches from galaxy to galaxy. My heart rests in Him.
Psalm 29:2
Give to the Lord the glory due to His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness or in holy array.
Yet again, worship. Always worship. His holiness is magnificent. He's due all the praises you can utter and then more. Innumerable are the praises due unto God. Though I am but one, I will lift up my voice unto God because He's so incredibly worthy.
Psalm 30:5
For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
God isn't a God who doesn't feel anger but His anger is quickly eclipsed by His love for us. He is in love with me. That's so unconscionable. Lord knows I've weeped. I'm weeped for many many nights but the morning! Oh glory to God the morning is nothing I can even describe. When its over and you've endured the test. When you've remained faithful to your God despite feeling like He's not hearing you and He answers perfectly......Y'all just don't know. Words don't exist to describe the morning. Joy isn't enough.
Psalm 30:12
To the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
Let His praises continually be in my mouth. Let words of praise fall from my lips at all times. He's worthy y'all. He's so worthy and I'm so unworthy even to utter His name but He's jealous for my heart. ::swoon::
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