When I Misunderstand, Your Love Understands Me

Let the Church say Amen. God has spoken, so let the church say Amen.

Y'all don't know how I was on the verge of tears after I received a certain text about something I'd been praying about for a few weeks during church. My mom thought I was moved about what was going on but I was jumping up and down on the inside. Nothing like watching prayers answered.

Psalm 61:1-2

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.

From the end of the earth will I cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed and fainting; lead me to the rock that is higher than I 

Prayer is such a vital part of my life. I cry out to God so regularly. I'm so desperately in need of Him on a regular basis. But you know what? When God puts you on assignment to pray as an intercessor, its a different space. I've had such peace in my own relationship with God since I started focussing my prayers exactly where He told me to. I hear God whisper to me so clearly in my spirit. And you know, my relationship with Him is closer than it was before because I'm spending so much time in faith. I'm not affecting change with my own actions but I'm literally waiting on God to do it. And what did I tell y'all about waiting?!?!? Whew chile. There's no exercise of faith like praying, fasting, and doing nothing else. I don't only believe God can, I believe He will all by Himself. 

Psalm 61:5

For You, O God, have heard my vows; You have given me the heritage of those who fear, revere, and honor Your name.

I come from a long line of deeply believing Christians. My heritage is rooted in the AMEZion Church. My family's home church sits on land that was bought by my family and named after a great great great great great grandmother. Pleasant Grove AMEZion Church is home base for my family. Just a few weeks ago we funeralized the Rev. Dr. George C. Sanders, Sr., my great uncle and a retired presiding Elder of the AMEZion Church. Who was he? The Senior Bishop of the entire Denomination is his son in the ministry and came down to Bennettsville, SC to make sure everything was in its proper order. And my uncle? He was buried in his pastoral vestments. Yes....that's my family. And we sang "Ride on King Jesus."  Y'all the heritage I was born into is profound. My grandmother played the piano for Pleasant Grove and my great grandmother played too. My grandfather was the chairmen of the Trustee Board. My Christianity was sealed by the blood the flows through me BUT it was also by the confession of my own mouth that I was saved. You see it takes me making my own confession unto God to become a child in His Kingdom. My family's faith had to become my own.

Psalm 62:1

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

Listen, there's nothing like waiting. I keep saying it but it stays true.  I've had to fast and pray and wait and fast and pray and wait a lot in my life. The secret to really hearing from God for me is to take away all the things I think I know and simply ask the question. Its a quiet type of activity. I sit and ask God to be absolutely clear with me. I let Him inform me and often times its an answer I didn't expect. I'm not sitting for confirmation of my thoughts but for information. That's key. 

Psalm 62:5

My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.

Again its the waiting. My only hope is in Him. I can't depend on y'all, no offense. I have devoted and generous friends but I need a God that's without a doubt coming through on my behalf. I need to know that I know that He'll never leave or forsake me and He endeavors to give me the desires of my heart that are for my good. 

Psalm 62:8

Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us 

You know He already knows. He just wants you to tell Him. I get on my knees on a regular basis and tell the Lord my heart's truest desires. Big audacious dreams that I want to see come to pass. Things I want soon and things I want in the future, I'm constantly pouring my heart out. You know what else? I'm also telling God how good and faithful and righteous and holy He is because worship is a part of my prayer life too. I love worship music but sometimes you have to say with your own mouth who God is just to remind yourself. I not only lean on God but I basically lay down sometimes. I'm that dependent and that's perfectly fine with me. 

Psalm 62:12

Also to You, O Lord, belong mercy and loving-kindness, for You render to every man according to his work

Salvation doesn't come through work but work is still valuable. God wants to see your effort. There's not point in talking about how you want to be a physician if you don't want to study for the MCAT. God can only do but so much with your lack of knowledge. Let's bring this back to spirituality though. God honors my efforts, my meager, futile attempts at holiness and righteous. He honors that just like He honors my hours of studying MCAT Biology. I'd never presume that my right behaviors were my own and I'd never think that MCAT score way mine either. In all things acknowledge Him<---that's my life real talk.

Psalm 63:2-4

So I have looked upon You in the sanctuary to see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your loving-kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.

So will I bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name

and In all things, I find myself praising God. In the good and the bad. In the awful and the joyful. I'm constantly worshiping and this fast has put me in such a spirit of worship continuously that my heart is so peaceful. 

Psalm 63:6
When I remember You upon my bed and meditate on You in the night watches
I'm a night time prayer person. I read my Bible in bed, underline in bed, and write this devotional the next day. I honestly do pray the scriptures and so many things about the nature of God are brought to the forefront of my mind by the reading of His word. I love having my practices in reference to my faith confirmed in the Word. Its so uplifting to my soul.

Psalm 63:8

My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.

If you don't know I'm a cuddler in real life. I'm like a "lay all over you-invade your personal space-always up underneath you" type of I'm in love. I'm clingy. And I'm clingy with my God too. I'm constantly chasing after Him. This is of course a great thing. If you're going to chase after someone, God is an excellent choice. I'm so blessed to seek Him so deeply and have an urgency within my soul to do so. 

Psalm 64:9-10

And all men shall [reverently] fear and be in awe; and they will declare the work of God, for they will wisely consider and acknowledge that it is His doing.

The [uncompromisingly] righteous shall be glad in the Lord and shall trust and take refuge in Him; and all the upright in heart shall glory and offer praise.

I know I've done nothing of value. The only thing I ever did right was accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. That one decision has set me up of success ever since. I strive to acknowledge Him in all ways but you know what I've found? All the things that I've been able to do have been Him. I don't have to work hard to remember cause I know it as sure as I know my own name. Its always the Lord. He's always working for my good. I have no doubts or trepidation. Praise is on my lips because I know "Won't He Do IT!" is real and ever-present with me.

Psalm 65:3

Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; [yet] as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away

you The Lord forgives. He's always forgiving. And one of the best things I've done for my relationship with Him was to forgive myself too. Holding onto that fact that I was wrong helps no one. The Lord has forgiven me and washed me white as snow so I ought to walk in that reality. There's no need for me to hang my head or be ashamed because I was bought with a price and I have an inheritance from God on high. I am righteous and holy before my God through the sacrifice of Jesus. How dare I make little of Jesus's death on the cross by holding onto memories of my sin. The old has past and the new has come. I walk in what I know to be true: I am God's chosen, bought with a tremendous price, and beloved.