I love love = I love God.
Love never fails. Love is everlasting. Love endures.
Psalm 86:1
Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and distressed, needy and desiring.
I'm constantly seeking Him. Sometimes the silence is welcome though. I know I just prayed a prayer this morning that hurt my heart. I prayed it in the space between wakefulness and sleep. Its the only time I could be this bold. Its the only time I could risk this much. Answers don't come when you want them. They come when you're ready.
Psalm 86:6-7
Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; and listen to the cry of my supplications.
In the day of my trouble I will call on You, for You will answer me.
I get on my knees every night knowing that He hears me. I seek after Him earnestly and fervently. I'm not always sure I'm ready for the answer but a question you haven't asked is an answer you can't get. The other thing I get stuck in is when I ask God for something and then I want Him to rush it. That happens all the time. I know so many things need to happen for my prayers to become reality. I'm impatient. This is why I sometimes wish I didn't know the things He's told me. God answers prayer but sometimes for me it feels like a test. Why tell me something that isn't coming to pass in the near future? I was really cool with the revelation I got about a friend who lost her parents. God told me hours before she lost her mother that she was an orphan. Obviously I didn't understand in the moment but when she told me hours later her mother passed too, I got it. This thing I'm walking out right now.....that isn't coming in hours. So Lord, give me patience and help me walk gracefully until the appointed time.
I get on my knees every night knowing that He hears me. I seek after Him earnestly and fervently. I'm not always sure I'm ready for the answer but a question you haven't asked is an answer you can't get. The other thing I get stuck in is when I ask God for something and then I want Him to rush it. That happens all the time. I know so many things need to happen for my prayers to become reality. I'm impatient. This is why I sometimes wish I didn't know the things He's told me. God answers prayer but sometimes for me it feels like a test. Why tell me something that isn't coming to pass in the near future? I was really cool with the revelation I got about a friend who lost her parents. God told me hours before she lost her mother that she was an orphan. Obviously I didn't understand in the moment but when she told me hours later her mother passed too, I got it. This thing I'm walking out right now.....that isn't coming in hours. So Lord, give me patience and help me walk gracefully until the appointed time.
Psalm 86:11
Teach me Your way, O Lord, that I may walk and live in Your truth; direct and unite my heart [solely, reverently] to fear and honor Your name.
Living your truth is so important. I find on a daily basis that hiding parts of myself limits me from showing up authentically. If you can't accept all of me there are just certain parts you'll never see. I'm so thankful that I can walk in all my truth with my God. He accepts me and teaches me how to walk that out. Being a Christian informs so much of how I live. Walking my faith makes me a different kind of lesbian. I'm not bound to societal norms of how I should behave. I let my relationship with God inform my relationships with others. I can look back on how I've treated people and know that I have walked in His way. I can look forward at how I intend to proceed with my life and know that that's Him in me. I'm so comforted by the fact that my heart is directed and united with His. I'm so thankful to have a heart that seeks after righteousness even when I fail.
Psalm 86:17
Show me a sign of [Your evident] goodwill and favor, that those who hate me may see it and be put to shame, because You, Lord, [will show Your approval of me when You] help and comfort me.
Signs. I'm big on signs. I love asking the Lord to show me things. Usually after He's shown me a few times He'll remind me of "Do not test the Lord your God" but I love signs. I love asking God "Is this right....show me something" and often He does. Its why I don't give up. Its why I haven't given up. When I've wanted to say "I'm done but show me its okay to be done" He's always been very clear with me. He doesn't let me quit things, especially things that He clearly has purpose for. And I've seen that. I've been walking that out in a dear sweet relationship for a while. I wasn't ready to trust but He was there saying "I gave you this for a reason. Don't walk away when she's walking towards you." He gives the best advice. I'm so grateful.
Signs. I'm big on signs. I love asking the Lord to show me things. Usually after He's shown me a few times He'll remind me of "Do not test the Lord your God" but I love signs. I love asking God "Is this right....show me something" and often He does. Its why I don't give up. Its why I haven't given up. When I've wanted to say "I'm done but show me its okay to be done" He's always been very clear with me. He doesn't let me quit things, especially things that He clearly has purpose for. And I've seen that. I've been walking that out in a dear sweet relationship for a while. I wasn't ready to trust but He was there saying "I gave you this for a reason. Don't walk away when she's walking towards you." He gives the best advice. I'm so grateful.
Psalm 88:2
Let my prayer come before You and really enter into Your presence; incline Your ear to my cry!
He's listening and He's talking back. Are you?
I love His presence. Nothing blesses me like His presence. Nothing changes my heart like being there. As I listen to the new Bethel CD, the lead sings "our hearts adore" and that's exactly how I feel. I pour out my affection and devotion at the feet of Jesus.
He's listening and He's talking back. Are you?
I love His presence. Nothing blesses me like His presence. Nothing changes my heart like being there. As I listen to the new Bethel CD, the lead sings "our hearts adore" and that's exactly how I feel. I pour out my affection and devotion at the feet of Jesus.
Psalm 89:2
For I have said, Mercy and loving-kindness shall be built up forever; Your faithfulness will You establish in the very heavens
His mercy endures. Its everlasting. Every time I fail He's there. Think about that. Every. Single. Time. And its a full time job with me so you know God is just so much bigger than we can dream or imagine but He cares so much for such tiny people. I'm so blessed to know Him and to love Him.
His mercy endures. Its everlasting. Every time I fail He's there. Think about that. Every. Single. Time. And its a full time job with me so you know God is just so much bigger than we can dream or imagine but He cares so much for such tiny people. I'm so blessed to know Him and to love Him.
Psalm 89:11
The heavens are Yours, the earth also is Yours; the world and all that is in it, You have founded them
Anything you've ever encountered is God's. All of it. You own nothing. My family had issues with this. Many years ago my great grandfather had land. About 100 acres. When the county courthouse burned down a White man claimed he didn't own the land and said he'd take it if he didn't basically buy his own land again. My grandfather dropped out of college and went up north to make money. He bought his dad's land again. When my grandfather died, the land was left my cousin who has 4 sons. Women don't inherit land in my family (yes....I know its a problem but I'm not about to solve it. I've got to get them to treat my future wife right and that's enough of a battle for me. One of my hetero female cousins can fight this land inheritance battle). I say all this to say....man can take your land because you never really own it. You simply have a piece of paper saying so. God has Creator rights. Its all His. Remember that when you take a hike or see the tide come in. This is God's creation.
Anything you've ever encountered is God's. All of it. You own nothing. My family had issues with this. Many years ago my great grandfather had land. About 100 acres. When the county courthouse burned down a White man claimed he didn't own the land and said he'd take it if he didn't basically buy his own land again. My grandfather dropped out of college and went up north to make money. He bought his dad's land again. When my grandfather died, the land was left my cousin who has 4 sons. Women don't inherit land in my family (yes....I know its a problem but I'm not about to solve it. I've got to get them to treat my future wife right and that's enough of a battle for me. One of my hetero female cousins can fight this land inheritance battle). I say all this to say....man can take your land because you never really own it. You simply have a piece of paper saying so. God has Creator rights. Its all His. Remember that when you take a hike or see the tide come in. This is God's creation.
Psalm 89:17
For You are the glory of their strength [their proud adornment], and by Your favor our horn is exalted and we walk with uplifted faces!
I move through the world with my head held high. I am the daughter of the King. I have a rich inheritance. He is my strength and my strong tower. I can see clear evidence of God's favor in my life. I know it was Him because there was no way. There was no possible way but that His will would be done regardless of what it looks like. I'm so thankful for that.
I move through the world with my head held high. I am the daughter of the King. I have a rich inheritance. He is my strength and my strong tower. I can see clear evidence of God's favor in my life. I know it was Him because there was no way. There was no possible way but that His will would be done regardless of what it looks like. I'm so thankful for that.
Psalm 89:28
My mercy and loving-kindness will I keep for him forevermore, and My covenant shall stand fast and be faithful with him.
Covenant is a word that's always held such significant to me. Its so much bigger than simply agreeing. I remember when covenant marriage became law and how I so appreciated that idea. I'm not sure these marriage are open to same sex couples, but the idea that this marriage is a more serious matter and the dissolution of it requires many more steps of trying to reconcile blessed my heart. My relationship with God is very much like that except there's no divorce except that I desire it. Y'all know I seek after Him like a puppy so I'm not walking away. He isn't either. This thing I've got with God is a covenant relationship. He's my forever love.
Covenant is a word that's always held such significant to me. Its so much bigger than simply agreeing. I remember when covenant marriage became law and how I so appreciated that idea. I'm not sure these marriage are open to same sex couples, but the idea that this marriage is a more serious matter and the dissolution of it requires many more steps of trying to reconcile blessed my heart. My relationship with God is very much like that except there's no divorce except that I desire it. Y'all know I seek after Him like a puppy so I'm not walking away. He isn't either. This thing I've got with God is a covenant relationship. He's my forever love.
Psalm 89:35
Once [for all] have I sworn by My holiness, which cannot be violated; I will not lie to David:
God isn't like man. If He said it, it is so. That blesses me, especially when I remember the things He's said to me. He's so faithful.
God isn't like man. If He said it, it is so. That blesses me, especially when I remember the things He's said to me. He's so faithful.
Psalm 90:8
Our iniquities, our secret heart and its sins [which we would so like to conceal even from ourselves], You have set in the [revealing] light of Your countenance.
He sees it all. I'm so thankful He does though because there are things I didn't know I wanted or didn't want and was short sighted enough to pray for that I'm so glad He didn't do. There are also things I did that I didn't realize were holding up my relationship with Him that he illuminated like "Hey girl....this is sin! This is why you feel guilty." He even helps me with my confession. He's so good to me.
He sees it all. I'm so thankful He does though because there are things I didn't know I wanted or didn't want and was short sighted enough to pray for that I'm so glad He didn't do. There are also things I did that I didn't realize were holding up my relationship with Him that he illuminated like "Hey girl....this is sin! This is why you feel guilty." He even helps me with my confession. He's so good to me.
Psalm 90:12
So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom.
Being wise is an attribute I hope to have. I'm going about it the same way my mentor did. She seeks the Lord and the counsel of people who's relationship with God seems deep and true and she's one of the wisest people I know. I also love that I catch her quoting or referencing God's word. You know what else yield's wisdom? Learning from your mistakes. I try to do this in all ways. I try to see things from other perspectives to understand how to manage or handle a situation. The other thing I do is I study relationships. I literally read about them and turn the over in my head so I can better understand how to relate to my fellow humans. Wisdom is such a beautiful gift. God honored Solomon for asking for wisdom to lead His people by blessing Him with everything else he could have asked for. Reading the words of Solomon as well as simply seeking God's input in all situations has definitely changed me.
Being wise is an attribute I hope to have. I'm going about it the same way my mentor did. She seeks the Lord and the counsel of people who's relationship with God seems deep and true and she's one of the wisest people I know. I also love that I catch her quoting or referencing God's word. You know what else yield's wisdom? Learning from your mistakes. I try to do this in all ways. I try to see things from other perspectives to understand how to manage or handle a situation. The other thing I do is I study relationships. I literally read about them and turn the over in my head so I can better understand how to relate to my fellow humans. Wisdom is such a beautiful gift. God honored Solomon for asking for wisdom to lead His people by blessing Him with everything else he could have asked for. Reading the words of Solomon as well as simply seeking God's input in all situations has definitely changed me.
Psalm 90:14
O satisfy us with Your mercy and loving-kindness in the morning [now, before we are older], that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Contentment with God is my heart's desire. I want God to be absolutely enough and for everything else to be cake. I love cake but I don't need it. I need my Savior. I'm so glad to have known Him so long and to have been seeking Him for so long. I'm thankful to my parents for dousing me in religion so that I'd come to know Him for myself at a young age. Thanks Mom and Dad!
Contentment with God is my heart's desire. I want God to be absolutely enough and for everything else to be cake. I love cake but I don't need it. I need my Savior. I'm so glad to have known Him so long and to have been seeking Him for so long. I'm thankful to my parents for dousing me in religion so that I'd come to know Him for myself at a young age. Thanks Mom and Dad!
Psalm 90:17
And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands—yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it.
There's value in the work. It won't save you but it isn't nothing. Work is vital. Its important to do the work. This is the work for me. My writing and meditation on the Word and what God's done in my life <---The work of my relationship with God. Also the work you do every day is important. I've been told that being gay and so devoutly Christian is such a blessing to my Christian friends who have never seen a devout Christian lesbian walk out her faith. I had no idea people were watching but they are. I'm so blessed to demonstrate that to them. I'm so grateful to be walking this out with so grace and so dignity but its not me. Its Him. I'm so delighted by Jesus. I'm so enthralled in His love and devotion towards me.
Happy Valentine's Day y'all.
Happy Valentine's Day y'all.
No comments:
Post a Comment