I said show me a verse about power.
Almost immediately Matthew 22:19 dropped in my spirit. Now....I've never read all of Matthew. I've only read what we've been told to read at church. I've read all of Job, Psalms, and Isaiah so when the 22nd chapter of Matthew dropped into my consciousness I was like "Are there even 22 chapters in Matthew?"
I went and checked.
There are.
I started at the 19th verse and read until 21 and that's where the information I needed was.
It reads thusly
Show me the money used for the tribute. And they brought Him a denarius.
And Jesus said to them, Whose likeness and title are these?
They said, Caesar’s. Then He said to them, Pay therefore to Caesar the things that are due to Caesar, and pay to God the things that are due to God.
So Jesus is speaking here to some people that the Pharisees have sent to try and trip Jesus up. They highlight that Jesus is not a respecter of person or position, treating everyone equally. (Verse 16) Jesus knows its a trap and says so asking why they test and try to entrap him. (Verse 18)
Jesus then asks to see the money and asks them whose money is it? They reply with Caesar's.
The next part is the part about power for me. Jesus says give to Caesar (human/humanity) things within his realm, things that are human, and give to God the things that are within His realm, things that are godly.
Now this isn't necessarily a verse about power. In fact, had I not specifically asked for a verse about power I probably wouldn't interpret it this way but this is what He gave me so that's what I'm seeing.
Humans have dominion over certain things. We can make moves, control things, put plans in place, and exercise our free will to its fullest extent. However, we don't have control over a whole lot. When I look back at all the things I've tried to control, I see evidence of God everywhere. I see Him turning me this way, closing this door, opening this window, showing me things I never thought I could have, lighting a fire in me after things I never expected. However, I still had to use my free will to determine whether or not to follow.
God has dominion over everything but our free will. God has the power to make mountains, calm seas, heal the blind and raise the dead. God has power over life and death. Jesus Himself would go on to take away the sting of death. God ultimately has actual power. He's the only one that can make certain things happen.
Now how does free will fit in there? Well, His Will will be accomplished with or without us. Can I offer that even if we use our free will to move outside His will, there's enough grace there to compensate? Can I also offer that His love is big enough to take whatever we give Him? Grace is just that profound and love is that big. Now for a harder proposition...
Can I offer that God's love and grace could be big enough to allow you to use your free will to get out of the pain you can't see your way out of and permit you to walk right into your inheritance as a child of God? That this may not be His perfect will but He could permit it?
I don't have the answers. I'm still seeking Him about all of it. His thoughts and mine aren't equal.
Not.
Equal.
I'll say this....I definitely see throughout Psalms that God's love and grace really are more pervasive, deeper, and more profound that human understanding. I also know that nothing can separate us from the love of God and if you believe on Jesus and His sacrifice on the Cross by faith, your inheritance is yours. Those two pieces of information say to me that yea....He could allow suicide to be your way out even if it isn't His will.
Is it possible that His love for her could have said "Come be with me if that's what you want?" I think so.
Why do we assume He has to save in the natural for it to be called saving? Is that a limitation of human thinking?
I know God can save. That's a fact. What is also a fact is that He let her free will take her to be with Him. That tells me that even if He had another way to heal her pain, He knew she didn't see it so He welcomed her with exceedingly great joy. She was His beloved. She belonged to Him. He welcomed her home. Its not the desired outcome that she go and be with Him. Its devastating to everyone left behind. They can't touch her, talk to her, or love her in the ways they use to. If this had happened to my beloved, I'd know all of this stuff I'm writing in my mind, but my heart would be a quivering mess. I'd want my baby back even if God does love her more than I ever will be able to. That reality wouldn't be lost on me but I wouldn't care. I know I wouldn't care.
The other piece I see here so very clearly is that God alone has power over life and death. We're just not that big. At least I'm not. Nothing I've ever said or will be able to say will be profound enough to change someone's mind in regards to suicide. And if anyone ever did try and attribute that to me...I've got a big mirror I'm going to use to reflect that credit right back to God cause nope! Wasn't me. I see so much struggle with the idea that a person could have done something to change this situation. I get that. Can I offer that you're rendering to yourself that which is God's? You're giving yourself power that was never yours? That's what my Bible and the Spirit say to me.
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