Looked Beyond

There were a few points this morning that I just wanted to meditate on.

First....

Even when the relationships you're in disappoint you or don't treat you right, Having Jesus will allow you to have joy. 

Now I thought this was very interesting....not because it isn't true but because it isn't easy. Its so far from easy it could make your head spin. Its farther than the eye can see on the flat plains of Iowa and trust me, you can' see real real far in Iowa. The things about joy is that it doesn't feel like happiness. At least not for me. I have joy with tears streaming down my face. I have joy in the midnight hour when I'm talking to God about how I'm going to make it over. I have joy when I'm facing people who tell me I don't know anything and I'm never going to be anybody. I have joy in all those spaces but I don't have happiness necessarily. Joy is this deeper more solid thing in me. Its like knowing my name. Its buried in there so far that its not usually touched by anything. Things that rock my whole being will rock my joy but things that simply happen around me don't. My joy has only been come after one time and now that I know what its like to almost lose it, I protect it like the sacred thing I didn't realize it was all this time.

I've got some beautiful relationships. I've got relationships I wish everyone could have so they could experience the awesome. I've also had to work really hard in some of them. I've also had to cry sometimes over them. I've also been on my knees about some of them and in the arm chair of a therapist office about some of them. Jesus was right there in all of that but it wasn't easy to feel Him, see Him, or see how His will could be for me to be where I was. Can I offer that my own inability to see how this would work for my good doesn't mean it isn't working for my good? Because it absolutely was for my good even when I couldn't see it. Without a doubt. And because I've seen now in hindsight I can better see in the midst of it all....but definitely not all the time. Not most of the time.

Suffering never changed who Jesus was. He maintained His character and His attitude of "not my will but your will, Father."

This is also not easy. If we are to be more like we Jesus, even in our pain we are supposed to say not my will but yours? Listen. I'm not about that life all the time. I want what I want and I want it now. Can I offer that if God ever gave us exactly what we wanted before the time for us to have it we'd never be satisfied because it wouldn't be what He has for us perfectly? Because we wouldn't be. Its all working together for good but that doesn't mean that in the working space its going to be cute, adorable, easy, or fun.  And sometimes even when I know its working for my good, I still just want to pout. Yea....I pout sometimes. Even when you know what He wants for you, its still hard. Not my will is a phrase of surrender and when I pray it I know I'm giving up control. Its terrifying and liberating at the same time. I know He's got it but I also know that it could cost me. Its always worth it but it does hurt sometimes.

Relationship with God is critical. He'll bring you through and you'll see His hand was there all the while.

Yea....the look back will change your life. Double taking a situation usually causes me to have a right now praise. There are so many times He's saved me from myself that I just have to have a praise. I know there's nothing but Jesus keeping me from completely screwing this up. He's with me each and every step and He's loving me through each and every failure. He's right there.

Lastly,

There are folks whose Jesus recognizes yours. There are folks who look beyond my faults and see my needs. There are folks who celebrate with me. 

I'm so grateful for my people. For the ones that have been here for me for so long. There are folks who I didn't even foresee having a relationship with. I quite literally walked in their office because someone I was coming to see wasn't there and now their office is sometimes like a confessional. I'm so grateful for the guidance and the loving correction I've received from my God-sends. I'm so thankful for all the times they looked over their glasses at me and said "You ok?" and were really prepared to here a no. I love that they want to celebrate every aspect of who I am. They make me feel invincible in the face of opposition. They see me and love me all the same. I'm so humbled by the way they let God use them in my life.