I always need more if it.
I'm wrong a lot.
Me and God have an amazing relationship because He's perfect and His grace is abundant. I'm constantly failing and He's constantly telling me "Its okay sugar." (No God is not a Black grandmother but nevertheless) God's got more grace for me each and every day and I'm in desperate ned of it. What God's grace towards me has done is taught me how to give grace. His grace has made me kind. When I think about the circumstances I find myself in and the people who I'm surrounded by, I'm thankful for grace. Because He has it will me, I can have it with y'all. I can see that you're doing the best you can. I can understand that my sister needs to be the favorite because she couldn't function knowing she wasn't. I can see you're struggling and that you aren't actually upset with me so I can hold my tongue with you. I can rise above because of grace.
I also have more grace with myself. <---Has been a process. I didn't have much grace for myself in certain areas. Basically, things I actually cared about. If I cared about a characteristic in myself, I didn't have any grace for myself there. Academically.....no grace. Weight....grace and a cupcake. ;-)
Learning to be kind to myself too wasn't easy. I wasn't accustomed to lack of excellence in certain areas and it was a hard walk. When I tell you hard....I've got scars to prove how hard it was. I also had very little grace for people with different opinions about what I should and shouldn't do. I found some. Oh did I find some. When I realized that their desires were about themselves and not me......chile! Grace abounded! Why? Because I can still do exactly what I'm going to do with or without your approval. God's grace has taught me so much about how to be with people and with myself. When I think about how He is with me, I know I can do better by y'all.
Romans 1:4
And [as to His divine nature] according to the Spirit of holiness was openly designated the Son of God in power [in a striking, triumphant and miraculous manner] by His resurrection from the dead, even Jesus Christ our Lord (the Messiah, the Anointed One)
If you ever had any doubts about who Jesus is, the Resurrection clears that right up. He's both fully human and fully God. He was raised from the dead and that's important because not only was He raised but He won the battle. He didn't come back from Himself alone but for all of us. No one who belongs to Him will be left behind. He did it for you too. He won for all of us. The sting of death still feels very real on Earth but Jesus has taken that away in the supernatural. I'm always interested in how we are limiting God. When I say limiting I'm talking about not seeing Him as big enough. The work of the cross is finished. Its done. There is nothing you can do to undo it. You can't sin enough to somehow not be covered by the blood. There is no way. Ain't no way. Its done. Game. Set. Match. God is bigger than we can see or imagine. If you can think it, God's bigger than that. He's bigger than the limitations of our human mindset. When I think about Him I often remind myself He's more. He's more gracious, more loving, more kind, more benevolent, more tender, stronger, more powerful, more patient, more forgiving, and more of whatever you find yourself in need of. He's more.
Romans 1:6-7
And this includes you, called of Jesus Christ and invited [as you are] to belong to Him.
To [you then] all God’s beloved ones in Rome, called to be saints and designated for a consecrated life: Grace and spiritual blessing and peace be yours from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.
Who loves me like Jesus? Not a single soul. Not one. I love belonging to Him. That's a phrase my mentor uses and I love the way it sounds. Belonging. To belong means to fit in a specific place. I fit. My rough edges, my sins, my fragility, my short comings, my humanity....He washes me in the Blood and does away with that making me belong. He claims this one. You know that feeling when someone you admire claims you. I remember at one talk my mentor gave she was picking on me and she said "We're friends. I know her"to the crowd and I was like ::swoon::
Yea God does that and its more like ::let me lay on the floor and cry like a baby because I can't believe He still loves me::
Can I offer that belonging to Him carries with it some amazing perks? It does. Somehow it wasn't enough to just be in relationship for God but He wants to give us more. (I'm like that with my loves. I'm always like its not enough....must buy things!) Anyway back to Jesus. So He's giving us spiritual blessings and peace. Those things come with being called His own. When I open the Word and I can understand the Word....that's a spiritual blessing. When He's got things in there for my situation and He gives me discernment to see them? Thank you Jesus. Peace....oh the peace that passeth all understanding. There aren't words to describe it but its so deep. Its "I'm in the middle of a storm but I'm not falling apart" deep. Its "My world is upside down but I know He's going to bring me out" deep. I love belonging to Him. I love having a place with Him.
Romans 1:11-12
For I am yearning to see you, that I may impart and share with you some spiritual gift to strengthen and establish you;
That is, that we may be mutually strengthened and encouraged and comforted by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.
Paul is talking about visiting with folks. He's talking about community. I love intentionality in community. My spiritual community is back in Nebraska but one thing they taught me was let's talk about it then let's pray about it. That essential step of not just reasoning through it ourselves and also running it through what we understand of God but still actually seeking Him. Its so vital. What I love about shared prayer is that I'm the most honest I'll ever be before the Throne. If you want to know what I think....wait about 3 minutes into a joint prayer and you know what's true for me. Prayer, for me is intimate. If I let you see my relationship with Him, you're gonna learn some things about me. You're gonna know I know Him. You're also going to know me in a new and different way.
What I love about joint prayer is that its mutual. There's something different about touching and agreeing. I think sometimes its for the believer and not for God. He hears me just as clearly from my own bed but when another believer hears prayer it changes them. I know it changes me. When I hear someone who can really pray pray... it humbles me. When I hear someone who really knows Him, it moves me. It empowers me. I think about the prayer I offered God with my love and I think He had me offer that as a demonstration of the boldness with which you can approach the throne. I wanted to pray with her because I spend so much time praying for her but I didn't know before hand that I was angry with God. Can I offer that He can handle that? And that He answered that prayer I offered with great attitude? Well He did for me. We can keep seeking Him and He'll keep being faithful.
When I think about what He's called me to...to lead spiritually, I know that He wants me to be able to be the kind of person who can offer prayer. I know He wants to continue to strengthen my prayer life. I realize that I'm in a place where I need to set aside more time for Him. I do really well in the mornings but I need to get off the phone earlier (DUH) and spend more time on my knees. He wants more of me. And I think if He's going to use me more, I've got to do more. Be more available. Be more open.
Romans 1: 17
For in the Gospel a righteousness which God ascribes is revealed, both springing from faith and leading to faith [disclosed through the way of faith that arouses to more faith]. As it is written, The man who through faith is just and upright shall live and shall live by faith.
Having upright moral character is important. Good people have that. But pastor said on Sunday, the devil will walk right through your moral character. You've got to have something under that. You've got to have a foundation, you've got to undergird that moral character with something substantial. Jesus is my something substantial. He is the rock upon which I've built my morality. When I think about how best to operate in the world, I'm always coming back to my faith as the blueprint. I'm drawn to being a good person not because its good, but because I want to be like Him. I want to be closer to Him. You know someone belongs to someone because there are outward symbols. I want the way I live my life to be an outward symbol of the fact that I belong to Him.
Romans 1:19-20
For that which is known about God is evident to them and made plain in their inner consciousness, because God [Himself] has shown it to them.
For ever since the creation of the world His invisible nature and attributes, that is, His eternal power and divinity, have been made intelligible and clearly discernible in andthrough the things that have been made (His handiworks). So [men] are without excuse [altogether without any defense or justification],
The thing about knowing Him is you know you know Him. There is no "maybe" there. There's no gray. He's everywhere around us. He's in everything. Nothing came into existence without Him. My mentor once said that the thing she loves about me is that the truth of God is inescapable for me. I'd never thought about it but its true. The truth from God is something I crave. I want to know. I want to be where He wants me to be (most of the time). Sometimes I'm not interested in that because my heart is elsewhere. I'll freely admit that I often want to be in front of what God's doing but He's shown me that He's got it so many times that I'm learning. I'm flexing that muscle of faith more and more often. He's challenging me more and more often to see Him. To see what He's doing is for my good.
Romans 1:27
And the men also turned from natural relations with women and were set ablaze (burning out, consumed) with lust for one another—men committing shameful acts with men and suffering in their own bodies and personalities the inevitable consequences andpenalty of their wrong-doing and going astray, which was [their] fitting retribution
As a gay person, I couldn't avoid addressing this scripture. So let's get it! Many people see this scripture as a clear and concise condemnation of homosexuality. Some people also see evidence for slavery in the Bible too...I'm just saying. But anyway, the context here is important. At this time most homosexual behavior was associated with temple (Read: pagan) prostitution. If you read in the earlier verses you'll see that he condemns systematically those who don't glorify God , those who profess false wisdom, those who worship idols. Additionally, He's talk about people who were naturally heterosexual and turned away from them in search of other types of pleasure. That's not appropriate at all. Seeking pleasure solely for the purpose of pleasure? Ummmm no. That is complete disregard for the fruits of the spirit, one of which is self control. This was the shameful behavior. In what way can you be loving your neighbor if you're using them for sexual pleasure alone? No ma'am. No sir. This passage speaks of nothing in regard to loving, committed, God honoring homosexual relationships. Nothing.
One of the areas God has pressed on my heart so strongly is the idea of forsaking all others. He constantly asked me in my season of trying to determine what to do "Can you say forsaking all others?" and until I could I didn't move in any direction. I fasted and prayed until I was sure in my self that I could say that. I think that's a being led of the spirit thing because its not the letter of the law. Jesus came to fulfill the law. That's done. We live under grace. But honestly, I don't think there's a ton of grace in forsaking all others. Think about what that requires. All others? No one else ever? Can you say that? Can you honestly say that's true for you? I think that's a pretty high personal bar to have God set for you in regards to expressing your sexuality. And I think it rightly should be.
Romans 1:29
Until they were filled (permeated and saturated) with every kind of unrighteousness, iniquity, grasping and covetous greed, and malice. [They were] full of envy and jealousy, murder, strife, deceit and treachery, ill will and cruel ways. [They were] secret backbitersand gossipers,
These people were in a bad way y'all. They were so far from Jesus it was scary. The thing I find startling is that any one could liken my love and devotion to a woman to any of these things. On what day is the love described in Corinthians or in Ephesians of by Christ's example on the cross the the same as unrighteousness, greed, malice, strife, or murder? Seriously? I can't. The other thing I love about having my own relationship with Him is that I know He made me this way. He makes no mistakes and He's thrilled I know who I am and I've stopped doing what they were taking about above "turning from natural inclinations." My natural inclination is towards girls...He's cool with that. He wants to see a demonstration of the fact that I love Him in the way I love everyone, my future wife included. I have this prayer in my heart that people who know Him better because of the way I love my wife. Oh if I could be that righteous in my own marriage....if it be thy will Father.
Romans 1:31
They were] without understanding, conscienceless and faithless, heartless and loveless [and] merciless.
Again....all things that aren't of God. Loveless? Merciless? Faithless? I can't. I'm so grateful to belong and to believe and to be striving toward a mark that I'll never reach but that He has grace for my failing to reach. He's grace....sufficient.
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