When I got candidacy, I called Kathy.
When I got an interview at Howard, I called Kathy.
When I passed my defense, I called Kathy.
When I wasn't sure I'd get in despite having heard from God about it, Kathy encouraged me.
When I got into Howard, Kathy celebrated with me.
When I was watching the baby, we visited Kathy all the time.
When I applied to get my apartment, Kathy and I discussed it.
When Amanda died, I called Kathy.
When I came out to my parents, Kathy and I discussed it and prayed about it at length.
When that didn't go well, I went right back to Kathy's office.
When I got my apartment, we celebrated again.
And now that I'm leaving, she's thrilled for me.
This is who we are.
She's one of my gifts.
All I'm saying is...look around. See who's crossing your path. Those might be divine intersections. I sure did have some.
Romans 11:5
So too at the present time there is a remnant (a small believing minority), selected (chosen) by grace (by God’s unmerited favor and graciousness).
Nothing I've ever done or will do entitle me to the relationship I have with God. I'm not intrinsically special. Me and God doing our thing is exclusive between us but you can do your thing with Him too. I'm not a part of the remnant because of anything but faith. Can I tell you that the grace I've found become I believe blew my mind? It did. Because guess what? Its not all on me. Its actually not on me at all. He's got this and me. Sometimes all I have to do is show up and listen to the Spirit and it gets done. Yesterday, when this situation with my lack of publication due to patenting came up...it was cleared up in a matter of hours. I was chosen by grace and I live in it. There aren't words....there just aren't.
Romans 11:6
But if it is by grace (His unmerited favor and graciousness), it is no longer conditioned on works or anything men have done. Otherwise, grace would no longer be grace [it would be meaningless].
When I think more broadly about relationships I hold dear, they aren't based on what I've done for those people. Most relationships, good ones anyway, are based on something deeper and more amorphous. I can't explain to you what it feels like when I look at my love. I can't tell you why my mentor's words are so powerful. I don't know why no matter who's in the room, if I'm there she rests her eyes on me. I can't explain why I feel like if I can be in the room, I need to be there. I can't tell you about why I'm so committed to my undergrad's success. It just is. When you take that back to God...Do y'all know me? I'm not that awesome. I mean I am to myself but I'm not really. The thing about grace is that it isn't earned. I don't have any special claim to it other than the fact that I belong to Him. Grace comes from God alone. I'm just grateful to be in it, under it, surrounded by it, drowning in it, and overwhelmed by it. I think all relationships have a modicum of grace in them. Without it, well we'd be without.
Romans 11:18
Do not boast over the branches and pride yourself at their expense. If you do boast andfeel superior, remember it is not you that support the root, but the root [that supports] you.
Listen....let me not ever get boastful. I know better. I know I know better. Have you seen me? Like really seen me? I'm not what you see when I walk out the door. The person I really am...that person has nothing to boast about. That person needs help and she gets it daily from Above. I know for myself that without this relationship with God, I'd be so far adrift and without security. If you know me, you know I need security. I need to know you're staying. I need to feel like if I reach out from you, you'll be there. Its sort of like how I'm a cuddler. I want to be able to feel you. I know God knows that about me. I think that's why we do this thing the way we do. He knows I need to feel Him constantly. I'm so glad He made me a studier because I can facilitate my own security through reading and writing when He's not literally speaking to my heart. I've got to be connected to Him.
Can I offer that my connection to Him allows me to be a whole lot less dependent on other connections? This isn't to say there aren't people that get me down to the core of who I am, but I don't need a whole lot of that. When I think about how much time I need to spend with Him, I don't have a ton of time left over to do this deep of a thing with other people. Now, community is important and I've got folks that have me like that but still and all. I think having this relationship with Him lets me be cool alone. I don't really get lonely. I'm perfectly fine alone and I think that's because of what me and Him have got. I wouldn't trade it for anything. He's the one.
Romans 11:23
And even those others [the fallen branches, Jews], if they do not persist in [clinging to] their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God has the power to graft them in again.
So the way me and God do this thing hasn't always been like this. If you really want to look at it, you can go back in this blog and figure out the first day I started writing about Him. We've done other things in the past and I've been a fast and pray person for ages but I want to talk about coming back into relationship for a second.
Relationships take work. Diligent, faithful, consistent work. No relationship I'm in lets me just coast through. I've got to show up. I've got to put forth some effort. Often times I have to make sacrifices. Diligence in relationships is key. I have to show you I care or you won't know it. Its vital to communicate to the people you love that you do in fact love them. That can mean different things for different relationships but it's still a must. When I say consistent I mean that. There isn't one relationship I'm in where there isn't some level of consistency of contact. With some its daily. With some its weekly. But the thing is....it has to happen. I don't let that fall by the wayside. I make the time to do that because it matters. I do this very thing with God. I've got to. We're in relationship and He's always there so I've got to do my part too.
One of the things I've found about relationships is that they will change you. You can't continue to be who you were when you entered the relationship because inevitably whatever you walk through with that person or in your own life will alter your thoughts, feelings, and perspective. People change you. I know the person I was before I met YiLing isn't who I am today. I know the person I was when I was simply being mentored isn't who I am not that I'm someone's mentor. I know walking out of my defense a PhD changed me because five men told me that academically, I'd made it through the shear brutality of science. I'd been working with those guys to get to this point for 5.5 years.
Can I offer that that can be scary? That knowing relationship will change you can be a reason not to engage? I know it has for me. The deeper I go into relationship with anyone the more I know they have the capacity to affect me....and for some to change me. That's what my relationship with God is like. It changes me and challenges me in ways I could have never foreseen. And sometimes, I don't want to surrender to the things God wants to grow in me or prune out of me. I've got to believe that He's got better for me. That the way He's changing me will only be for my good. Try it...He'll do it and He'll do it suddenly.
Romans 11:29
For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]
So....God's not going away and nothing He's called you to is going go unaccomplished. Got it. Now what do I do with it? For me, that's where relationship comes in. He's reveal different things and ways He's called me to bring Him glory so now I've got to walk out the process of getting there. The journey is the relationship. How I've gotten to where I am isn't because He told me where I'd be and I went there, I had to grow to there. I'll have to walk and sometimes wander to there but I'll get there eventually. This reminds me of one of my favorite tee shirts. It says " Sometimes its better to travel than to arrive." Walk with me Lord, walk with me.
Romans 11: 32-34
For God has consigned (penned up) all men to disobedience, only that He may have mercy on them all [alike].
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)!
For who has known the mind of the Lord and who has understood His thoughts, or who has [ever] been His counselor?
As we've already established, Phil is wrong constantly. And God's mercy endureth forever. Check! I got that. My friend Kathy offered me this last week. "If you can think of it, God's bigger." I think that's what these verses are really saying. He's more in each and every direction that's holy and righteous than we can ever imagine. Even when its hard, and its hard at least weekly, I know His ways are better and higher than mine. And when I know it but don't feel it, I grab me some gospel music and this Bible and sometimes I just cry. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I just sit. Can I tell you that He'll fix it for you even if all He does is alter your perspective of who He is and what He's doing? Yea....He's that good.
Romans 11:36
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. [For all things originate with Him and come from Him; all things live through Him, and all things center in and tend to consummate and to end in Him.] To Him be glory forever! Amen
Well...that's just a fact. Nothing came into existence without Him. No thing. The hard truth of that is that that nothing includes heartache, devastation, hopelessness, misery, death, and pain. All of that came from Him and through Him. Can I offer that He can use all those things to draw you closer? He did that with me. Every single time those things were a part of my life, they've drawn me closer. They don't have to but for me they did. They taught me something...something about God and about me and about me and God.
When I tell you this isn't always the case, I know that. I know that because I watched a friend who reached out to me in her time of bereavement because of my faith run full speed from God. Yea....that was hard. Especially because I wanted Him for her but she wasn't ready. One day she will be but she wasn't then. Grief can do that. She lost both her parents. She couldn't and still can't understand how a loving God does that. I haven't got the answers but He does. He does and He's the only one with them. That's the truth. That's all I've got. That and this: God is love. Even when you can't understand what's going on, He's the same. He's still faithful and loving and kind and generous and benevolent and forgiving and merciful and righteous and holy. He's still God.
No comments:
Post a Comment