Lenses

As light bounces around on the backs of my corneas
Sending information to my optic nerve about
what and who
I can't help but detect
a smile that doesn't quite reach eyes
an imperceptible but highly visibly cloak of guilt
Its that thing
that burden
I wish you didn't carry
Its also that thing
I can do nothing about

You're still the same girl to me
I still want to be a better person because I know you
I'm more compassionate
more present because you flutter through my life
I still see you for who you are
But I also see how this has changed you
There's a heaviness
a weariness that I wish a nap could cure

There are so many prayers
so many brief utterances
and long, music laden desperate requests for grace
That the Giver of grace might offer you some
that you could in turn offer to yourself

I realize the things I want for you are so much easier
requested than fulfilled
that If I was in the center of this storm
There would be nothing anyone could do to change
an ounce of the weight I'd be shouldering
Zero

Acute awareness of that humbles me again
but I look at you and I see everything I love
my person
my beloved
And I can't let go
I won't just watch you do this
Even if all I can offer is
a towel to wipe your tears
a card to make you smile
I can't bear this weight with you
but I want to
desperately

I'll stand by you
I'll be here while you do this thing
Walk through this valley
and when you stand still
I'll pray
Knowing I can't help you
but hoping it matters