So like I said, my family isn't the same. They look nice a lot so I kind of stick out oddly as the one in flip flops. Yes flip flops. And generally I make decisions about where I'm going to go based on whether or not I have to dress up. A church that requires me to dress up? Nope! An evening out where I can't wear nice flip flops? Nope! For me dress shoes are boots or flip flops. I don't wear heels. I just don't. I can't walk in them and I have pretty feet that I'd like to remain that way.
I've held fast all my life to the idea that presentation doesn't matter too much as long as you show up. My family isn't about that life. Now that I'm older I know that in the ways that matter the most, showing up is the critical piece. In my relationship with God, I show up. I may not show up in heels....I may not even show up happy but I'm there. What I love about Christianity is that there's so much grace. I can show up with God in any form as long as I'm there. Also....when I leave Him, I'll be better. I feel the same way about all my closest relationships. I've only missed one activity that my mentor put on this year because it matters that I show up. I've almost never missed a call from my love. Why? Because showing up counts. My undergrad knows that day or night, she can hit my phone and I'll be right there mentally.
Also, I think about how God's word doesn't return void. I want the same to be true of me. If I say I'm going to do something/be somewhere, that's the truth. If I say you can lean on me as heavily as you need to for as long as you need to, I want that to be true even if its something only I know down to the core of who I am. I want to be a person of my word. I want to be a person that can be relied on.
Romans 8:28
We are assured and know that [[j]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
THIS RIGHT HERE?!?!?! This is my scripture. This is the scripture that God has said to me multiple times. Every time something looks like it won't work out, God has said this to me. Even when things absolutely didn't work out on my time schedule, He said this to me. I couldn't quite hear it but I knew it. In hindsight, I can see how all things work together made sense with my not getting into medical school last year but in that moment I couldn't make sense of anything.
Now in my life, my faith has grown so much. He told me it would be Howard and it is. He then told me something else that seemed to contradict the Howard thing but He's told me repeatedly this truth of this verse so I just have to believe. All things not some things Phil. Its not truly a contradiction but its a guaranteed wait. Oh y'all know how I feel about waiting though.... I believe Him for the promise so I need to believe Him for however He's going to make that happen. Its a faith walk though. A long one. One that requires shoring up on every leaning side. I am by no means trying to say I haven't doubted. I doubted for probably a month before all the confirmation I was getting finally made me believe. I checked and checked and rechecked. I couldn't understand at all but the Word says it plainly here. All things.
All things work together so somehow, this is going to work together for good because I love Him and I'm on purpose. Can we parlay a minute. Being on purpose is so important. What I've found is that purpose isn't easy but its also not a burden just because its hard sometimes. I love purpose because there are so many intersections I have where I can go "yup, that was God." So many different places in my life have been affected because I'm on purpose instead of fighting for what I want. Fighting for what you want will wear you out. I did it for a smooth 4ish months. Honestly, I feel it took energy away from places it should have been but I know better now. I'm grateful for growth.
Romans 8: 29-30
For those whom He foreknew [of whom He was [k]aware and [l]loved beforehand], He also destined from the beginning [foreordaining them] to be molded into the image of His Son [and share inwardly His likeness], that He might become the firstborn among many brethren.
And those whom He thus foreordained, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified (acquitted, made righteous, putting them into right standing with Himself). And those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity and condition or state of being].
When people try to argue with me that I'm not who I think I am, this verse right here is it. He knew me. He knew exactly who I am because He made me. Not only that, He knew I was going to become this person before I ever did. He's seen all the days of my life. He knew I'd believe Him the way I do. He knew it would take work, but I'd trust Him. I love the concept of justification. We have to write them in science. You're basically telling someone why you need a certain amount of money to do some work/research. God's justification equips me. I know I'm not able. I was never able but He makes me capable. He makes me the one who can accomplish His will. I love knowing when He's using me. Sometimes, if I'm quiet enough, I know in the moment but often in hindsight. The last time I knew in the moment was when I took my undergrad to meet with my mentor. I knew in that moment that He was like "Uh huh, this is what I've been doing through and in you."
I'm so humbled.
Romans 8:32
He who did not withhold or spare [even] His own Son but gave Him up for us all, will He not also with Him freely and graciously give us all [other] things?
Girl.....He didn't spare His own child. Like....did not. Y'all better know my baby would be living and y'all would be smooth clear out of luck. He's so much greater and better and more than we could ever think of or imagine. When I think about the sacrifice He's already made, how can I not believe Him for all the other things He's said He will do or promised me? How can I not? The demonstration of love that God has shown us is so thorough that there's no legitimate room for doubt. Can I offer that doubt will sneak in anyway? It does with me all the time and I've got to come the Word and get some more truth in me so I can believe more deeply. I sometimes think promises from God are literal tethers to deeper places of faith. I feel like God is saying "Can you believe me for more? My promises don't return void but can you believe me for them?"
Romans 8:35
Who shall ever separate us from Christ’s love? Shall suffering and affliction andtribulation? Or calamity and distress? Or persecution or hunger or destitution or peril or sword?
Listen....nothing can separate us. No thing. But can I offer that we separate ourselves in times of trouble? I know I have in the past and because I have it has been my heartfelt prayer for my love that she cling closer to Him than she ever has before... that she feel Him more tangibly that she has before. What I know to be true is that there's nothing out there for us in our pain. There's no place that going to actually help us other than the presence of God. Nothing I've ever done has been better for me than seeking Him. No matter what I've done, and I've done some pretty drastic things in pain, nothing has been better for me than getting on my knees. He's loved me when I quite literally didn't know how to love myself. It can feel like there's no where to go to get away from our pain but He is a refuge. It can feel like there's nothing that can be done, but God is the creator of peace. When I think about the prayers I've offered I know that they are the most powerful thing I'll ever do for her. Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks so she's a daily part of my prayer life.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things [n]impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers,
Nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This is what is true. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Despite what people may say, think, or imagine, there is no sin the cross hasn't paid for. There is no pain the Jesus didn't bear for us. It may not feel like that in your storm, it surely didn't in mine but its still true. Death no longer separates us from God so what other thing could possibly separate us? He's for us and with us and calls us His own. We belong. I am His beloved. He's not going anywhere. I need that. I need to know He's always going to be there. I crave security in my relationships and without it I can't really rely or believe in a relationship. I have to know you're going no where. The Word says right here "Hey girl, I'll be here into infinite. Rest your spirit. I got you."
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