Called, Chosen, Loved

Everything is working together for my good. That's a hard truth sometimes. Its something I have to believe despite. Despite what I see, despite what I feel, despite what I hear, despite the conversation around me, despite my own doubts, I have to believe that all things work together for the good of those who are called. Being called is an interesting reality.  Its not like having your name called or having to be the one that speaks on behalf of your group. Sometimes it is but I find that being called often requires me to spend more time away from people. It actually requires me to spend more time with God. Being called feels like there's greater purpose behind everything. It feels like checking in all the time to make sure you're exactly where you're supposed to be, saying what He wants you to say, being what He wants you to be. Sometimes the call on your life is so much bigger than you could have ever conceived. The call on mine is. I'm often baffled by the backlash I get for certain things that I know are God's will. The thing I have to realize is that that response isn't about me. Its about them dealing with their own issues. When I look back at the things God has instilled in me to believe deeply in and pursue, I'm struck by the fact that before I knew I was called He was calling me. That has to shift my perspective of the things around me. Even when they don't look like they're for my good, I've found that they are. The difficulty lies in believing that well before it looks good, feels good, or even smells good. So many times I've lost sight of who God is and placed my eyes firmly on the natural and been devastated. As I move deeper in my relationship with God, I'm often reminded "All things not some things Phil." Often.

Isaiah 45:3-5

And I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, Who calls you by your name.

For the sake of Jacob My servant, and of Israel My chosen, I have called you by your name. I have surnamed you, though you have not known Me.

I am the Lord, and there is no one else; there is no God besides Me. I will gird and arm you, though you have not known Me,

When I tell y'all I don't read what I'm going to write about before I write my intro....I promise I don't. God be handling me real tough. I love Him so much! Really God? Okay lets get this. Can I offer that things I've had a heart after and sought Him for are the very things He will give me? I had a conversation a few weeks ago about this. There's something in my life that I know can't be anything but God. I've prayed about it, gotten scriptures about it, gotten confirmation about it, gotten a sermon about it and I'm just waiting expectantly with hope for the promises God has made me. Additionally, I don't want to do anything to bring about what He's promised me so I can be absolutely sure it was Him that not only placed that desire but also brought it into fruition. I want to be able to say "That was God" definitively. Some of the things He's promised me were so hidden from me, He had to reveal them to me to even offer them. There were a lot of "unknown to my conscious mind" desires I've had that He brought conscious and then informed me that I would have. 

I honestly thought for a long time that I would be satisfied with having the most flexible schedule imaginable and never being required to do anything, but the Lord knew I needed people to need me even if I do enjoy waking up with no alarm clock. I have had a deep and pervasive desire for a God honoring marriage and I had no idea that God was going to use me to demonstrate how that's possible in a same gender loving relationship but I know He is. I know its Him. There's no doubt about it for me. He's quite literally giving me a testimony. I'll be able to say "It was He alone." It blesses my heart to know I'm going to be able to glorify Him in my work and in my love. 

I was just talking about how he called me before I knew He was? Yes...that's so true. I need Him to be a little less obvious with me lol. This is really blowing me y'all. So anyway, He did. He called me way before I was aware. I remember buying and reading all those books about marriage, which I still own, and being like okay God. Nothing about my life has anything to do with this but I have a thirst for this information. I wanted to be a physician for most of my life. When I detoured to grad school, I was serious about it. Can I offer that the true desires of my heart snuck back up on me. At first I tried to do it the easier way but I found that that wasn't going to work. There was no bypassing med school. I'd be getting that MD too. It's always been God calling me, talking to me, giving me purpose I couldn't see. Can I suggest that when He calls you He also equips you? Because He's done so for me. Its not easy. It wasn't comfortable. I wasn't happy all the time. But I have joy...and I have peace despite. Peace like a babbling stream. Peace.

Isaiah 45:23

I have sworn by Myself, the word is gone out of My mouth in righteousness and shall not return, that unto Me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear [allegiance]

 The Word says God is not a man that He lies. It also says here that nothing He's promised with His mouth will return void. Its right there in black and white. This is one of those things that God is so clear about that is also so hard to believe. When I was waiting that 87 days (8= new beginnings, 7= completion) for my med school acceptance, I was not able to always be this person, the person that believes that no word shall return void. I very clearly felt Him and heard Him about Howard being what He had for me but I also didn't see anything in my mail box. Every time I called, they had nothing to tell me. I had all these plans and this desire that God clearly placed in me because I was about that no alarm clock life, and I was mad. Why wasn't God doing this thing faster? Can I offer that it was to build my faith? Because it sure did. I needed to hear God about med school and watch Him bring that to pass to have the faith required for what He revealed to me just a few weeks later. Two things that seemed incongruous actually but both from the same place. Can I offer that God can do anything, including the things that don't make much sense to you? He can. He does. He will. I'm waiting with expectation. No word returns void. Not one. 

I'll be oh so careful to honor and praise Him this time. I learned my lesson. Even though there will be hard days and there often are. I believe God. 

Isaiah 46:9-10

[Earnestly] remember the former things, [which I did] of old; for I am God, and there is no one else; I am God, and there is none like Me,

Declaring the end and the result from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure and purpose,

I think this is such an important part of faith. God's done it before + God is unchanging = God will do it again. It would be different if He'd never given us anything upon which to base our faith but He has continuously, consistently, and constantly. Even though He owes us nothing, He's given us everything. If He'd give His son so that we could have relationship and life eternal, why wouldn't He give you things that cost Him almost nothing? The sacrifice of love He's already shown should be evidence enough that He's exactly who He says He is. God is love. The thing is...when your day doesn't look that great, your week was less than stellar, and your year didn't get off to a good start, its hard to remember the things He has been faithful over. I know. I lived that reality for a year when I wasn't getting into med school. The weight of feeling unworthy and worthless almost crushed me. I'd lost sight of who I am in Him and what He's called me to and the fact that if He's called me, it will come to pass. My faith walk was a crawl. 

Can I offer that He knew from before and that He told me before and I didn't believe like I should? I didn't. I absolutely didn't. When His promises, what He intend from the beginning, became a thing in the natural it grew my faith exponentially. God will do that, just to show you who He is. I want to believe God more deeply, that everything will be fine well in advance of that reality. I'm walking that out real faithfully sometimes and sometimes not. But there's grace. Both from Him and as a permanent reminder on my ankle. Infinite Grace.