Psalm 91:1
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty
Can I offer that being in regular, consistent, relationship with God is like a buffer? I know it to be so for myself. Even with tumultuous and convoluted situations surrounding me, I know that I've got an actor that will hold. He is the rock upon which I stand. I'm clear about who God is because He is unchanging. In the midst of it all, He is the same. He is my God everyday and everyday I can rest assured in that fact.
I don't really think of Him as a secret place because I'm very open about my relationship with Him but I definitely think its private. The relationship I have with Him exists between just the two of us. I share it with lots of people but it only works because I work at it one on one. I love the word dwelling. The indwelling of the Spirit will changed my life. I can go right down inside myself and check if certain things feel right/agree with the Jesus in me and make decisions on the spot. Nothing I find in the Word fails to agree with the Spirit in me because they come from the same place. When I felt the Lord say telling me to offer an outward demonstration of faith in what He's promised me, I had such peace within that I hadn't had in such a long time. It was peace I never thought I'd have. It is a peace I continue to experience. He's so faithful.
Psalm 91:9-11
Because you have made the Lord your refuge, and the Most High your dwelling place,
There shall no evil befall you, nor any plague or calamity come near your tent.
For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend andpreserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service].
I've noticed that when I'm right, nothing shakes the foundation of what I believe. When I know in the core of who I am that this is what God has for me, I'm unmoved by the thoughts and opinions of others. Its not a stubborn thing but a "its been established by God and its coming to pass so I'm going to be in line with His Will" thing. Now I know that can come off harshly or like I don't care about other's people's feelings about my actions but what I've found is that God's got that. Its not my job to help everyone get on board with what God is doing in my life, He's got that. The thing about the will of God is that it might not change but He'll change your opinion of it to be something you want. Can I offer that that level of surrender isn't easy? Because its not. Its so not. Nothing about walking out the truth of God in your life is easy. Often it requires more faith, more trust, more patience, and more obedience than you've ever conceived of. God will make provision for that.
When I think about what's required of me, I'm acutely aware of the fact that its not under my power that its happening and also that He's changing me to make me more like Him. Initially it was all Him but He's changed my capacity to hold and be what He wants me to be. He's molding me into a better, more loving, more patient, kinder, more compassionate person. Its not that there's no struggle. There most definitely is. Can I offer that because I'm seeking Him to be my refuge and my strong tower, I'm better able to withstand everything else in my life.
Also, angels. They are real. Sometimes they're earthly and sometimes they're heavenly but they've been with me day in and day out. I'm most acutely aware of them when I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. And they're huge. One angel can take up most of my bedroom. Their wings are massive. They also have names. We know that because Gabriel was named. Those are the heavenly ones....the earthly ones are people. They show up or cross your path when you least expect it. They are often divine intersections when you pass by people you had no idea you'd be interfacing with. They leave you with something you didn't know you needed but needed desperately. I've got a few. They're awesome.
Psalm 91:15
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
Call upon Him? Yes. Consistently. I'm in such desperate need of His guidance so often. Most often in my life I've prayed for things: admittance to college, med school, grad school, getting a fellowship. Those things are difficult to wait on but can I tell you about my new things? My current prayers blow my mind. I'm praying for more faith, I'm praying for manifestation of the Word in my life, I'm praying for discernment, and I'm praying for my promises from God. I'm praying for lots of non-tangibles. I'm praying to be more in tune with the Spirit of God. I'm praying that He use my mouth to say what He would have me to say and my fingers type what He'd have me to understand about His Word. I'm praying on a new level. Can I offer that He's been so faithful in this new season? He has. He is. He always would be but I had to get there. I had to see His faithfulness over things like med school before I could believe He would for ME with other things. And when I was waiting on Him, I was most definitely in trouble. I was in trouble with myself because I thought I wasn't good enough, smart enough, lots-of-things enough. Can I tell you that not only did He restore my self-esteem and do away with destructive behaviors, He also honored me with admission in January? Yea....I wasn't entirely faithful over my few things, but He was faithful out of His very nature.
Psalm 92:5
How great are Your doings, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep
This is a hard truth. God's thoughts are deeper than ours. The things we want, the things we desire, even the things we need are often shortsighted. Yes, we do have the ability to reason but we just can't see exactly how all these things need to come together. I never could have seen that going to Nebraska would get me to UNC. I never could have seen that that move would be the first tilling of the soul of my relationship with my mentor. I never could have known that I'd get to spend so much time with LP because of this move. I would never have guessed that 5 years after meeting my grad school bestie, she'd be the first native Chinese person to attend my church and she'd stand up and credit me with her finding faith in Jesus. I had no idea how God was going to use my life at all. I know what I wanted but can I offer that what He had for me was better? It was. It is. It continues to be. The reality is that there are things we just won't understand in human form. I've got two things I know I'm supposed to do and they aren't close to each other at all. God can handle that. The hard part is letting Him do it.
Psalm 94:9
He Who planted the ear, shall He not hear? He Who formed the eye, shall He not see?
Had the Lord not created ears, you'd never hear. Had he not formed eyes, you'd never see. I think about the sunsets and the symphonies, the laughter of babies, and the smiles of old people around babies and I think, what a loss that would be. God has done some marvelous things that I think we take for granted often. As simple as my ability to look at my phone and see any of my loves, hearing LP say "Lise", or listening to the voice of the one I love. So simple. So beautiful. So edifying. Even the way my obnoxious little sister calls me "sibl" which is short for sibling. All of it....amazing.
And I think of how using those things can be so life giving. Its the hearing of the twinge of pain in the voice of my sister over her sarcasm or the sincerity behind words spoken through laughter. Its the way I look at her. Its the way eyes well up with tears but remain unspilled saying "hold me", "love me", "be with me." These things are opportunities God has offered me that have taught me so much about what it means to really love and actually be devoted. I'm grateful.
Psalm 94:11-12
The Lord knows the thoughts of man, that they are vain (empty and futile—only a breath).
Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You discipline and instruct, O Lord, and teach out of Your law,
He knows your thoughts. He definitely knows mine. I'm telling Him what they are all the time. They may not matter but they matter to God. Can I offer that He wants the best for us and that when we're struggling/tired/in pain/vexed/dismayed that He's interested in that? He has been in my life. Every time I've decided to come to Him, He's been very interested. He's been the calm in the storms of my life every time I've sought Him. He is my refuge and my ever present help.
The discipline of the Lord.....well.....its a thing. Its not an easy thing. Its not trivial at all. It requires...well diligence. The thing about lessons with God, for me, is that if I don't get it it comes back. God wants me to understand something and I'm going to understand it if I have to see this lesson a million times. Sometimes I think my independence is my parents' test. My sister is nothing like me but God made me different. I'm a thinker and I'm devoutly religious and I'm a lesbian. I'm not like what they were expecting from a first born. I have no idea what He's teaching them but I know that He's taught me about how much more radical grace and love are through learning who I was made to be. Can I offer that the most important law of God is love? It is. And that's what He's taught me.
Psalm 95:7a
For He is our God and we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand.
I am His beloved. He is my one true love. There is no other truth more powerful than this one. This relationship is the only one I've got to try to get right. I won't get it right with God most of the time, but grace endures. Everything else about my life will fall into place because He's got it. He's got me. He's got you. Its hard to see that, to understand and comprehend, that even in the midst of crazy amounts of pain and lack of understanding, that God still has our best in mind and it is coming to pass. God's best for us is a reality. He's faithful. Trust Him.
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