But you know, this isn't my mountain. I would have walked away.
Psalm 136:4
To Him Who alone does great wonders, for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever
Really Jesus? Really? Thanks for the confirmation that I'm exactly where I need to be. I was just writing about this. I promise y'all I don't be doing this myself. Its all Him. <----This is that sweet spot in the presence where you're like "Oh ok....this is exactly where I should be. This is what you've equipped me for. This is preparation meeting opportunity.
When I tell you it was God alone. ALONE! Cause nothing but Jesus could have taken this man who thought he was getting the short end of the stick while having his entire life subsidized by my friend to the reality that he has a good life. That was nothing but the Lord. We've been trying to show him this for months. I've even talked to him about how I've catered to people I've loved, highlighting how little he does and gets away with and he still didn't get it. This right here is a great wonder. His ability to even have a conversation that sounds have way normal, acknowledging what he's losing is a feat.
God is always doing this. He's always making moves and being awesome sauce. That's who my God is. The thing I always try to be aware of is that its Him. Its Him every time. He's a deliverer, a provider, a healer, a father, a mother, a friend, a confidante, a way maker..... y'all get the picture. He's the savior.
Psalm 136:16
To Him Who led His people through the wilderness, for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever
I love this verse because its talking about the relationship I hope to have. I'm so lost without Him. This life is a wilderness but God, but God, but God. I hope that I can remain humbled and pliable enough to be led. Lord, give me a heart to follow. I so love giving the reins over to Him because I know Him. He's faithful. He's never led me anywhere I shouldn't have been. Even when He's telling me He's going to fulfill my dreams while leading me in a way that seems counter to that, I'm believing Him because of who He is. Its in His mercy and His love that He leads me. The vital thing is being willing to be led. Its so hard when you want something and you want to go after that to trust God. Let me say right here, He's never led me astray. Trust Him.
Psalm 136:23
To Him Who [earnestly] remembered us in our low estate and imprinted us [on His heart], for His mercy and loving-kindness endure forever
Nothing. No thing I've ever done will ever be worthy of a glance from on high. My very best effort isn't worth anything outside of the blood the the Lamb which makes me perfect and acceptable to a righteous and holy God. The thing is....He's jealous for me. He's after my heart. He's my advocate and my friend. When I was nothing, He gave me a thirst for Him and quenching it is my heart's greatest desire. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I belong to Him. I'm His beloved and He saw me. He sees me. He sees me through eyes of love.
Psalm 138:3
In the day when I called, You answered me; and You strengthened me with strength (might and inflexibility to temptation) in my inner self.
I've called out to God so many times. So many times in my weakness, in my frailty, and through my tears God was the only help I knew. The thing about God is that He's always faithful. He's always answered me. Even when He didn't give me the answers I was looking for, He answered. The thing about answers is that sometimes, often times those things aren't an actual part of your life yet. The prayer of the righteous do avail much but they don't necessarily avail today. Nothing but my relationship with God has strengthened me in times when the availing that didn't happen today has me in a funk. This is again a waiting moment and a perfecting faith moment but there's weakness there for me. And He's there for my weak points too. He's ever present in my weak moments.
Psalm 138:4
All the kings of the land shall give You credit and praise You, O Lord, for they have heard of the promises of Your mouth [which were fulfilled].
They have heard the promises of your mouth which were fulfilled. <---This is my God. The fulfiller of promises He's made. His words never return void. This is where hope lives. If God has told you something, believe Him. Believe that it will come to pass. This is why I praise my God. I know He's faithful. I can read my Bible and see time after time that He's done what He said. Even in times when His people have acted a complete fool, He's still treats them out of His character and not in the manner they deserve. <--Mercy abounding.
Psalm 138:8
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, endure forever—forsake not the works of Your own hands.
He's faithful. He's fixing it. Its going to work for my good. One thing God always brings back to me is that "All things, not some things." That's a reference to the verse that says All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. God is doing a perfect work. There is no better plan than God's plan. And even more than that, He'll give you a desire for His will and for the things He's ordained in your life. Never have I been in this space before. Never had I even thought it was possible. God doesn't put something like med school on your heart and then never bring that into reality. He doesn't put marriage on your heart, and deny you one. There's purpose there. His glory will be shown through the things He brings to pass. He's going to do it. Trust Him.
Psalm 139:1
O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
I'm not a mystery to my God. He knows me. He knows me more deeply and intimately than I know myself. You know how I know? I prayed for a husband and kids for years. For years I thought He wasn't hearing me. For years I thought He didn't care about this prayer. You know what? He cared to much for the marriage He wants me to have and the children He's going to entrust me with to let me have what I thought I wanted. He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew that what He had for me was better, greater, holier, more debut than what I was seeking for myself at that moment. He knows me.
Psalm 139:4
For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
Before I pray, He knows the words I will utter. I don't know if you've ever experienced this but when I'm really in tune, the Lord will literally hold my tongue. It doesn't feel like someone is actually touching my tongue but the things I would say out of who I am don't come out. Much more thoughtful, much more God fearing words bubble forth. Often times its the Word of God with a personal paraphrase. :-) God, continue to use my mouth to speak truth and love to your people.
Psalm 139:7
Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?
Not only do you know me but you see me. There's no place that doesn't have God in it. There's not escape from His presence and honestly I want nothing to do with being absent from Him. I need Him now, yesterday, and tomorrow. I need Him all the time and all the times He's there. He's big enough to be right by my side and yours.
Psalm 139:13
For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Before my mother knew I was coming you had planned all my days. God you knew me before anyone knew me and before I knew myself. God has had a plan for my life since before it started and its all for His glory. I just want to be in His will. I want to be used to glorify my God in whatever capacity I can. I'm so thankful for the intimately knowledge He has of me because He has kept me when I couldn't keep myself. When I couldn't do right by myself, He continued to do right by me. I just want someone to know me. That someone being God is too much and enough.
Psalm 139:16
Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.
He's got a plan. I'm going to trust the plan. I'm working on trusting it so thoroughly that I give it all over to Him. That faith walk is tremendous but its mine. I want to turn it all over to you. Give me an extra clear view of who you are to strengthen my faith.
Psalm 139:17-18
How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I could count them, they would be more in number than the sand. When I awoke, [could I count to the end] I would still be with You.
The fact that I've ever been a thought much less more than the sum of the sand makes me want to lay down on the floor. Its so heavy. Its so incredibly humbling. He's so loving that He's thought of me and not just thought but thinks and feels. The Lord has feels towards me. That's enough to require me to take a nap because I just can't. I cannot. I'm unable. But He can and He is able. Praise God! Anytime I get weary and think this isn't right I have to remember, His thoughts about me are innumerable and He's got a plan that will be exactly what I need, when I need it, for how long I need it. He's got all of this. God thinks of you too like this. Let that seep all in the nooks and crannies of who you are. Let that marinate in you. (Image in my mind: pancakes smothered in syrup)
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
So right before I read this verse for a second time, God did it again. Lord really? Must we do this? You just want me to be really sure I see. I see you saw my faith was wavering and you were like "Nope....its working for your good." Ok. I got it. You're searching my heart. You trying me and knowing me thoughts. Anything that isn't the way I should be you're taking care of. Lead me and I will follow. You know my heart. You know the song I'm listening to right now. Take it. Its yours.
Psalm 140:12
I know and rest in confidence upon it that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and will secure justice for the poor and needy [of His believing children]
He hasn't forgotten anyone. No situation is remote from Him. I think the key is to rest on confidence. In the moment I was just in with the music and the scripture, that was where confidence comes from. When you're clear about what God says and you're trying to stay faithful and He gives you that booster shot. The extra little dose of "I've still got it. You know who I am. I'm faithful." It also comes from reading about all the times He's been faithful in the Word. I'm telling you...if for no other reason than to read the miracles God has performed for others, read your Bible. It'll bless you!
Psalm 140:13
Surely the [uncompromisingly] righteous shall give thanks to Your name; the upright shall dwell in Your presence.
Listen, His praise is always in this mouth. Got to be. There's no other way. My life isn't going to be long enough for me to express my gratitude so I need to do it now. I need to do better with my language too. Oh great Jehovah...do I have some foul language in my spirit. <--That wasn't what I was planning to say but apparently God wants me to work on this. -____-
Oh to be in His presence. One thing I'm trying to remember constantly is that He's in me. I can do right in there, internally and be with Him. There's worship in me. There's God in me because I've allowed Him to dwell there. The thing about have Him in you is that you've got to make room. You can't have all that other stuff and God. You've got to give up some stuff for God to be in there. Lord knows I have....and it ain't easy. Its worth it though. Its more valuable than anything I've ever had. You know how google always has the answers? This is better than that.
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