Psalm 132:4-5
I will not permit my eyes to sleep or my eyelids to slumber,
Until I have found a place for the Lord, a habitation for the Mighty One of Jacob.
I will not rest. I won't. I've got to find a place for my God. I had no idea this was the verse but this is exactly what I was talking about before I even looked up this verse. Jesus does this to me all the time. Slays. You want to talk about ever present and ordering my thoughts? That's my God. I was just talking about not getting sleep and I didn't read this last night, I read Chapter 145 so I didn't know this was here. I quite literally couldn't sleep. I needed to find a place for God. I'm use to having so much free time to just frolic in His presence through worship and writing. So often we get caught up in what we need to do and what's going on and often times God has placed us in those spaces. I've gotten infinitely closer to my friend in the last few months and I feel like all of that was preparing me for this moment. You have to know someone and really prove who you are and who you are in Christ before you can talk to a married person about their marriage. Honestly, you've got to do the work yourself in your own relationship with Christ to have anything real to stand on. I find so much truth in Ephesians 5 and because I have endeavored to walk that out, I am a better more selfless partner than I'm naturally capable of. But you know what? All of that has to start on your knees. I found it so interesting that this guy was talking about how he's the head of household and he doesn't get any respect and I thought to myself "Being head of household starts on your knees. At least it does for me. The most important thing I can do for my wife is pray for her. Period." And I regularly get on my knees for his wife too.
Lastly, I was getting of the phone intermittently this whole time and going to the songs that have power "Jesus Keep me Near the Cross," "All Night," and "River Flowing." I needed the Cross because I need the influence of God in my mind. I needed Him to guide my thoughts each and every step. I needed "All Night" because sometimes you really have to go all night and there's purpose there. River Flowing was about making sure I remained open to the spirit of God but also that I remembered the God in me and to pull from that as well. Sometimes you don't have to seek Him because He's right there and He's already told you how to walk this out in another situation. I'm so thankful for this relationship because when push comes to shove, He's already done it in me. He's prepared me for such a time as this.
Psalm 134:2
Lift up your hands in holiness and to the sanctuary and bless the Lord [affectionately and gratefully praise Him]!
That was my reality. That is my reality. Often times my sanctuary is my car. I love to worship there. I love it because I can really let it go in there. I can tell God exactly how I feel. I gotta check my eyes though because they shut during worship. Often times, I feel like when I get to that place, angels are guiding my car because I've never gotten a ticket and I've never had any instances that were even a close call to an accident. That's favor. That's God honoring my praise by maintaining my safety.
I love to worship. Back in Nebraska, Pastor Jake (he was just Jake then, but I honor where he is now) would ask the young adults to take a step of faith and lift their hands in worship. Now I'd been doing that for years but I thought it was interesting that he called that a step of faith. I think it is for some people because its a physical act of devotion and tells other people you're serious about your worship but I loved that he also called it an act of surrender. That's what it is for me. I lift my hand because its you God. Its always You. You're always worthy.
Psalm 135:3
Praise the Lord! For the Lord is good; sing praises to His name, for He is gracious and lovely!
Let's talk about grace for a second. God gives us so much grace.
Infinitely so!
Grace is such a theme for me. I'm so grateful for it. I'm humbled by it. I'm thrilled to have it. I'm actively working on giving it. God's grace allows you to deal with your mountain. Your mountain is that thing that no one else you know can deal with but you. Why? Because God has put that on your heart and given you the ability to deal with it. Now people have many mountains. My PhD was a mountain. Many enter but many don't finish but as for me and my education, we are getting this PhD in Jesus name! I often think that when people ask me if they should get a PhD. The answer is No, unless God has put that on your heart. Getting a PhD will almost kill you if you don't really want it. I have another mountain that everyone looks at and says "Girl, it couldn't be me. Ain't no way." And I get that. I totally understand it because He hasn't given you grace for this mountain. This is my mountain and I love this mountain even if its not easy. God's grace also covers the not easy if you seek Him. If you place your faith in the One who never fails, there's peace there. That peace is why my mountain doesn't drive me crazy. I believe God.
I always have to come back to being in His presence because its always the answer. He's always your perfect solution. The other thing about Him is that He dwells within. You can go right to yourself sometimes and be like "Yea" or "No" or "A little to the left" or as so often happens with me "Get on your knees." He's faithful.
Psalm 135:13
Your name, O Lord, endures forever, Your fame, O Lord, throughout all ages.
His name endures. He is everlasting. He was before and will always be. That is something you can really cast your cares on. I've given so much to Jesus because I know. I know in the core of who I am that He is. That belief has to be so deep within you because I don't know how else you can trust Him. For me, its akin to knowing who I am. And how did I get like that? Honestly, community and devotion. Devotion is the thing I have the most power over and its the thing I need. I feel like devotion allows you to know the character of God. Reading the stories of the Bible about how He saved and rescued His faithful, how He was ever present with a people who weren't always following Him (That's me. Lord knows that's me) because that's who He is, how He slew the adversaries of the devoted and gave them rest. Y'all the Word is God's way of telling you who He is. Open and find everything you've ever needed. I suggest playing gospel while doing it. I sure am.
Psalm 135:14
For the Lord will judge and vindicate His people, and He will delay His judgments [manifesting His righteousness and mercy] and take into favor His servants [those who meet His terms of separation unto Him].
He's coming y'all. He's also up in Zion with judgement in His hands but what I love about this is the word delay. He will delay His judgment meaning there is mercy. Unfailing and abundant mercy for those who serve Him. I think about the idea of separation unto Him and I'm so struck by the fact that that can mean lots of different things to different people. Separation unto God though has to mean you're different. You're the odd one. You're the one that doesn't things in a peculiar way. I know I'm that person. If you can honestly say "I'm not making another move until you speak to me" then you know this place. I'm doing better and better in my life at doing that. That's inevitably going to make me odd. The way in which I'm reminded so often that I'm odd is because I'm a celibate lesbian. I don't have to exercise my sexuality for it to be valid but I do have to exercise my faith. I have to be His. I have to belong to Him and for me that means I have to do things the way He would have me to do them. I have to trust that He's got a place for me to exercise the full measure of who He's made me to be (Lord, You know I need my wife. I'm going to let you walk that right on out because I know you to be exactly who you said you are!)
This exercise also separates me unto Him. The practice of regularly writing about God and seeking Him through His Word is more likely the regular life of a minister. I don't know too many people doing it but I know that its been the food that has fueled me the last month or so. This devotional is manna from Heaven. Its the living Word. Its everything I didn't know I so desperately needed.
I challenge you to consider what will separate you unto Him. It can be as simple as not eating pork or as complex as writing a devotion or starting a prayer journal. Do something for Him that's a clear sacrifice. I'm telling you it will be worth it in the end. And don't beat yourself up if you miss a day. There's grace there. He just wants to see a perfect effort. He loves you. Trust Him.
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