You're Always

There's an uneasiness to my surroundings now. Its multilayered and convoluted but its there. But you know what? I know two things: 1. God's word is true and 2. His promises always come to pass. He loves me, exactly for who and what I am. He made me this way. He wants me to be happy in addition to having joy. When I think about my nearly 4 year old, a gift from above for my soul, I'm so grateful to have loved him. When I think about the truth of His Word: that God is and He can and He will and He does and He did for me, I'm overwhelmed but the reality that I serve a loving and faithful God. I also think about how one day I'll live in the reality revealed to me from above. That one day I miss her will be a statement I make because its been 48 hours and we had back to back alternating call. That one day, she won't be hurting and it won't break my heart every time I think about it. The Word says the prayers of the righteous. I believe the Word. I believe God.

Isaiah 24:5

The land and the earth also are defiled by their inhabitants, because they have transgressed the laws, disregarded the statutes, and broken the everlasting covenant.

I want to talk about the law. Have you read it? I mean the levitical law. Its a lot. It a whole lot. And almost no one can keep it. Jesus did. Jesus kept the law. The Word says He came not to do away with the law but to fulfill it. And in fulfilling it, dying, rising, and ascending to be with the Father He sent the Spirit to comfort us and for us to live by. I know me. Me can't do levitical law. These people couldn't do it. But Jesus. But the Lamb of God sent for our sins. But the cross of Calvary. <----Is why I have freedom! The everlasting covenant between be God and me is faith alone. It is by faith that I remain in relationship with the source of all things. I'm so grateful not to live under the law because this wouldn't be possible. I'm so grateful God made a way out, but then again He always does.

Isaiah 24:13

For so shall it be in the midst of the earth among the peoples, as the shaking andbeating of an olive tree, or as the gleaning when the vintage is done [and only a small amount of the fruit remains].

There's a song about this that I love so much. It talks about the shaking and the beating of the olive tree. In the song it talks about how God is preparing me for greater through the process. I like the normally call it being purified by fire but its the same principle. There are things that happen in the Spirit and the flesh that challenge me greatly. There are things that have required me to quite literally sleep with my Bible against my best. There are pages in my Bible that are wrinkled because tears. In this passage they're talking about there being but a few people left but I want to talk about it from a different angle. I think about the ways I've been purified by fire and I think of all the things that have had to be pulled off of me. All the the lies I've told myself or allowed myself to believe that weren't God. I think about all the times I thought I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't thin enough .The list goes on and on but can I tell you that on good days, I believe none of that. Learning to really believe God not only meant believing who He is but also who I am in and through Him. And those things....just aren't true. Now I have imposter syndrome, so sometimes I can lose that reality but God's faithful if you go to Him. One of the most profound things I've experienced in this faith walk is the reassurances God gives. Is the way in which the Spirit really knows you and moves in ways that bring you comfort. I am so humbled by my God.

Isaiah 24:23

Then the moon will be confounded and the sun ashamed, when [they compare their ineffectual fire to the light of] the Lord of hosts, Who will reign on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem, and before His elders will show forth His glory.

The glory of the Lord? The sun might as well shut up shop 'cause girl bye. The sun has zero on God's glory. The shadow of God's glory is probably enough light for infinite suns. The moon knows to forget it because it doesn't even have light! That's what the glory of God is like. I know someone who's experiencing that right now and I know its the most amazing thing.  When I think about glory I also think about grace and I feel like there needs to be a more radical understanding of grace. Grace is unending, ever present, ever lasting, and complete. There is nothing so far gone that grace can't cover it. Just like the glory of the Lord is so goes grace.
Grace just is.
And I feel that there's extra grace for those who need to be directly in the presence of His glory to have peace. I think that God has even more grace for those who need His very presence. For those who know Him, He is a refuge and for those who believe on Him, salvation is theirs. Its immutable and non-transferrable. Its also irrevocable if you believe. I think that reality is often lost but its true. If you believe, salvation is yours. Grace is bigger than you can imagine. I know the praise party in the glory of the Lord is blowing her mind right now.

Isaiah 25:1

O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things, even purposes planned of old [and fulfilled] in faithfulness and truth.

 I love to praise Him. The alma mater of my school says "Let your life do the singing" and I think that's applicable to relationship with Him too. My life is a testimony. Even just the way I pick of my baby boy or the way I help my almost 4 year old figure out how to work a water bottle....the patience, the love, the kindness, the "I'll never quit on you" ness of it is a manifestation of God in me. When  I think about the gift of children, I know its the utter acceptance. I don't have to explain to LP who she is or why she needs a video. He just goes with it. He doesn't care that Auntie likes girls. He just cares that Auntie will do a puzzle or let him climb all over me. His love has no condition. He's just happy to see me.

I also find myself thinking "You know, one day the revelations I have from God will be old and He will have fulfilled them and they'll be a testimony unto Him." That a whole lot. He's in control. He's got this in a way that is so much bigger than I can or will ever see. This is why I praise Him. He is my God and I am His child. If He never did another thing, He's done enough. He's God though so He's never done, especially not with me. Swoon

Isaiah 25:4

For You have been a stronghold for the poor, a stronghold for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat; for the blast of the ruthless ones is like a rainstorm against a wall.

He'll cover you. He's covered me for so long. When I think about the shifting sand beneath me in the form of my family and their new knowledge of who I actually am, I so thankful that He is the solid rock upon which I can build my life. He's been exactly who He says He is all my life. And when I have been needy, He's been there. And when I've had happiness, He's laughed with me. He's like no other. Tis so sweet to trust Him because He's always exactly who He is. I think the most amazing thing about God is who He is. He's so much farther and deeper in love and truth and righteousness than I can fathom and yet He loves me.

Isaiah 25:8-9

He will swallow up death [in victory; He will abolish death forever]. And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces; and the reproach of His people He will take away from off all the earth; for the Lord has spoken it.

It shall be said in that day, Behold our God upon Whom we have waited and hoped, that He might save us! This is the Lord, we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.

 The FINISHED work of the cross. Jesus didn't just die, Jesus stole the sting of death and made a way for us to be with the Father for eternity. I'm not saying there won't be tears. There absolutely should be. Tears are appropriate but I know, in the same place that I know my name, that those who loved God may be absent from humanity but are present with the Father. Present with the Father? Worshipping in spirit and truth? Yes, that is the reward of a life lived believing that Jesus was a full, perfect, and sufficient sacrifice. Lord you reign.  We are without spot or wrinkle because of the cross and the cross gives us an inheritance that is the Kingdom. Its mine. Its yours, if you believe. 

Waited AND hoped. Can I tell you something about waiting with hope? Its a different game all together. To wait is hard. I always say there's something in the waiting because it perfects faith every time God is faithful and He always is so the mere process of waiting on His timing isn't mere at all but is drawing me closer to Him with every passing day. Waiting with hope...with a promise is different. Its sometimes more difficult. It causes you to be out on a limb without anything bur God. Every times your eyes wander from God who promised you, you become shaky. That was the 87 days between my med school interview and getting in. On those God days, I was so sure but shakiness comes. That experience though has made me so much less shaky in the things God talks to me about now. I'm so much more sure because I've got a recent testimony. I could reach back to getting into Nebraska or moving to UNC. I could reach all the way back to meeting my first mentor who is the reason I became a Hamptonian. I didn't have the score when I applied to get a full ride but did I get one? Yes. How...well I got the score. How? I studied because that's my part to play but I know it was God. It always is God.

Isaiah 26:2-3

Open the gates, that the [uncompromisingly] righteous nation which keeps her faith andher troth [with God] may enter in.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. 

That we may enter His gates with thanksgiving and praise? Oh one great morning but many many mornings from now! God is so capable of doing the things we don't think possible. One thing I've learned is that the will of God isn't always easy but its possible. It isn't comfortable, but its possible. Its possible.  All we need is possible. When I think about the fact that I only interviewed at one school for med school and though I believed I would get more interviews my God told me to "Say yes because this is what I have for you" walking down the front steps of the College of Medicine and its was so clear but I didn't have peace. Peace wasn't possible because I was somewhere else. I knew His will but can I tell you He eventually gave me that peace? Can I tell you it took almost 70 days but I got there? I did. He made a way for His will to become mine. He made a way for me to see exactly what and how and  where He wanted me to be and become. But it wasn't easy. It took and is talking a faith walk I never could have conceived of. You see I had a plan but His is better. Mine fit together neatly and His....well I don't know how He's going to do it but can I tell you I trust Him? Because I do. Because He's faithful. Because He is.  

Isaiah 26:7

The way of the [consistently] righteous (those living in moral and spiritual rectitude in every area and relationship of their lives) is level and straight; You, O [Lord], Who are upright, direct aright and make level the path of the [uncompromisingly] just and righteous.

I'm not consistent but I consistently trying to be consistent. I'm trying. I'm giving a perfect effort to this thing. Sometimes I'm not as faithful as I'd like to be but I desire to be. I'm motivated to be. And when I tell you the things I know I'm supposed to do are so clear. I'm so thankful to have a heart that thirsts after righteousness and right standing. Its led me to be a person I never thought I could be. Its given me hope and a future that I know is ordained and ordered. Its helped me see His plan in what looks like chaos. And when I can't see it, He's drawn so near to me and I to Him that I trust. I just do. I stumble and fall and falter, but overall I trust. 

Isaiah 26:13

O Lord, our God, other masters besides You have ruled over us, but we will acknowledge and mention Your name only.

I asked Him to do something, just in my mind, just a little confirmatory thing. He's so faithful. He did it. I didn't even really want to ask but my heart did. My my my my my God. When I tell people who I am, I tell them who God is. That's on the amazing things about being a believer and a scientist. My credential allows me to travel and traffic in places everyone can't go, but I take Jesus right on in there. At the end of my dissertation, in a room full of people of various faiths and nationalities, the stained glass window that hangs at 16th St. Baptist Church in Birmingham, AL took up the whole screen that was just occupied by data and charts. 

                                       

First, giving honor to where honor is due. 

My advisor may have guided my research, but the only name that needed to be mentioned was God. This is His. In all things acknowledge Him, and He will....He always will.