I feel like my PhD is actually a certificate of growth as opposed to a terminal degree. There's so much I've learned about who I am, what I believe, what I'm called to, and purpose in the last 6 years that have nothing to do with pharmaceutical science. I'm a better person for having earned a Phd. I'm more diligent, I'm kinder, I'm more compassionate, more loving. None of these things can be attributed to the work but they can be attributed to watching the collective struggle of my fellow classmates as well as freedom. The freedom to show up for so many people, family and friends, throughout my graduate school career has been amazing. I've watch LP turn into a toddler, kept a baby for two months, learned to cake decorate, talked a friend through her divorce, taken in a domestic violence victim, seen ML graduate from med school....so much has happened and I've been able to be there for so much of it. I love that.
I love what my PhD has done for me. Its forced me to press towards the mark of the high calling not because I was called necessarily in the PhD but in life.
Isaiah 50:4-5
[The Servant of God says] The Lord God has given Me the tongue of a disciple and of one who is taught, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He wakens Me morning by morning, He wakens My ear to hear as a disciple [as one who is taught].
The Lord God has opened My ear, and I have not been rebellious or turned backward.
The words outlined here are new prayers. I haven't often prayed that God use my mouth and have me say what He would have me to say. The thing about that is that often that causes me to not say things I want to say and say things that I'd never think of. Its been my recent prayer because what do you say in certain situations? What can you actually offer? Not a whole lot. Can I offer that when I have nothing to say, prayer is always appropriate? It is....and it always brings me peace. All I can do is be present for her. I can't imagine a season like this and I can only imagine how weary she is but Lord, have me to say what you would have me to say and do what you would have me to do to be there for my beloved.
When I think back on the times I didn't want to be obedient and I was, I find that God is always faithful. I know the assignments God has put on my heart and I have no idea where she'd be if I hadn't spent the last 2 months praying for her. Its not my prayers per say that are so powerful but prayer in general. Prayer is the most powerful tool I have and its the most important thing I'll ever do for anyone and especially one so dear to me. Prayer takes investment. Its a different thing to believe God for someone else....to actually spend the time you have with God on someone else's situation? Its another level of faith. Can I offer that things would be different if I hadn't been obedient? I know so. And I'm so humbled to have been called at all....
I give myself away, so You can use me. Withholding nothing.
Isaiah 50:7
For the Lord God helps Me; therefore have I not been ashamed or confounded. Therefore have I set My face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.
God's faithfulness is unmatched. When I've faltered and failed in every single relationship I've ever been in, He hasn't. He's been my very present help at all times. Even when I didn't seek Him, I belonged to Him, so He chased after my heart. He kept me when I wasn't making any attempts to keep myself. He is. He just is. I know that when I stand on the Word of God, nothing can shake me. Opinions, disappointments, accusations, none of those matter when I know I'm in the center of His will for me. I also love that every single time He's spoken to me, its come to pass. It wasn't easy in the waiting but He always made a way and its grown my faith exponentially. Can I offer that waiting on God is a powerful life altering experience? It is.
Isaiah 51:1
Hearken to Me, you who follow after rightness and justice, you who seek and inquire of [and require] the Lord [claiming Him by necessity and by right]: look to the rock from which you were hewn and to the hole in the quarry from which you were dug;
In His image were we created. God's the blueprint from which humanity was designed. He is the rock from which I was made. And when I think about how much more like Him I became by accepting His Son's sacrifice for me, I realize that for me God is inescapable. His truth endures. His Word is everlasting. His grace is sufficient for me. He's enough. I also realize that He made me for relationship so despite Him being enough, He knows I want people. I need people. I love my people too. My posse is bad y'all. Bad.
But the thing I love is that the Lord is saying "listen." Now...if you've been in a conversation with me that was at all funny, I've said listen to you. Its my thing. But God is saying Listen! If you seek Me and you seek after Me, these are the things that your life will be seeking. What I've found is that when you're moving towards God, there's always a sense of uprightness. I honestly feel more moral and ethical when I'm in His will. His perfect will is never lacking in justice. I'm not slighting people or doing anything that isn't a "this can stand the light of day" activity. What I will say though is that that isn't trivial. There have been times when no one would find out but this practice right here, the word that He's stored up in my heart wouldn't let me fool myself into thinking I could do certain things. I've found a level of delicacy with which I treat others when I'm seeking Him. There's an extra thought there, extra consideration. That's God. Its not me. I'm brash and a little harsh sometimes. God is never that way. Seeing evidence of Him in my life delights me.
Isaiah 51:7
Listen to Me, you who know rightness and justice and right standing with God, the people in whose heart is My law and My instruction: fear not the reproach of men, neither be afraid nor dismayed at their revilings.
Oh so now I know rightness because my His instruction and His law are in my heart? Ok then. I didn't know that was next y'all. I promise I didn't say I love seeing Him in my life knowing He was going to say "yup, I'm on your heart and thus you're in right standing with me." He be knowing y'all. Knowing! So listen, I think this verse is so important.
Firstly, knowing His law and His instruction are critical. Love. Its that simple. God's law is love and His demonstration of that is about to be commemorated on Friday. God sent His son to the cross because of love. He tore the veil because He loved us and wanted us. The instruction piece is real. God never leaves us without instruction. Sometimes its just wake up, bible study, go to work, hit the gym, talk on the phone, and pray but those are still instructions. Every day isn't a day of great purpose from your own perspective but they're all important and He's always there. The other thing about instruction is that when He wants you to do something new, He'll tell you. Silence doesn't mean He isn't speaking. It means go back to the last thing He said to you or put on your heart and do that. I've often gotten caught up in wanting new instructions and God already been clear. His lack of new instruction is because I haven't actually done all that He's asked.
Next, its essential to know you belong to Him. I am acute aware of the fact that all the good and pleasing things I do are Him working through me. Phil is selfish. She wants to watch Netflix. She wants to nap and go shopping. She wants to eat everything. EVERY. THING. Phil isn't that awesome but the God in me is. God makes me the person y'all like. God makes me crave this time with Him.
I am His beloved. Holding onto that reality isn't no small deal. Its everything.
I say that because of the last piece of this verse. Fear not the reproach of men. <----But people is who I live around and with....how can I avoid fearing this? With effort that's how. Having your people not be your side is NOT trivial. I've had to seek out my own people for the better part of my life. From Shannon's parents coming to my symphony concerts to Sarah being unable to drive and thus available all the time. My past loves were also my people. The reproach of those you assume will love you unconditionally is terrifying. Its also a reality. Its also why I've sought people who I can show up with completely. When the God in you agrees with the God in someone else, that's a person He's brought you. Hold onto that. You will probably need them. Lord knows I have.
Isaiah 51:16a
And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand,
The shadow of His hand? Remember that part about imprinting yesterday? No? Go back and get that in your life then come back to this. There's such importance in being in His hand. I think being in His hand is peaceful but there are definite boundaries. There's only so much you can do...there's only so far you can go. There are limitations. I find them popping up in my life all the time. God is only going to let me go so far and do so much that isn't what He has for me. When I think about the fact that I got into one med school and it was the one He clearly told me was His will I know that was a boundary. Why? Because He knew I was weak. I still am in so many ways. He knows me. He knows given other opportunities I might not have chosen His perfect will but rather His permissive. I want to want His will sometimes but I don't actually want it. Getting to the place where you only want His will is an uphill climb. He's been so faithful all my life but I still have me to contend with and me doesn't always want to wait for promises...I want them now. But on good days, His patience in me abounds.
The imagery of holding hands comes to mind. There's a required closeness to do so. You can't be that far away and hold anyone's hand. Eventually your connection won't be feasible. He's holding me. He's holding you. He's got this. Whatever you're bringing Him, He's got it.
Oh and the words He puts in my mouth? Mind blowing and so true and timely. I'm often shocked by what I appear to be saying but I know its Him. I know that when people come to me sideways about being a lesbian or being Black and I don't snap....that's God. The teaching moments I take with people in those situations, that's a personality trait He put in me. He's grace and He allows me to extend it too.
Isaiah 51:22
Thus says your Lord, the Lord, and your God, Who pleads the cause of His people: Behold, I have taken from your hand the cup of staggering and intoxication; the cup of My wrath you shall drink no more.
Listen, I wouldn't be able. I'd be so unable under the wrath of God. I need His love, His kindness, His tender mercies, His grace, His devotion, His care, His strength, His protection of my heart. I need Him in so many ways that I know I couldn't live outside of the thorough and sufficient drenching of my soul in the blood of the Lamb. I need Easter. I need the cross. I needed the work of the cross to be finished. And it is. It is finished. Welcome to love.
[The Servant of God says] The Lord God has given Me the tongue of a disciple and of one who is taught, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He wakens Me morning by morning, He wakens My ear to hear as a disciple [as one who is taught].
The Lord God has opened My ear, and I have not been rebellious or turned backward.
The words outlined here are new prayers. I haven't often prayed that God use my mouth and have me say what He would have me to say. The thing about that is that often that causes me to not say things I want to say and say things that I'd never think of. Its been my recent prayer because what do you say in certain situations? What can you actually offer? Not a whole lot. Can I offer that when I have nothing to say, prayer is always appropriate? It is....and it always brings me peace. All I can do is be present for her. I can't imagine a season like this and I can only imagine how weary she is but Lord, have me to say what you would have me to say and do what you would have me to do to be there for my beloved.
When I think back on the times I didn't want to be obedient and I was, I find that God is always faithful. I know the assignments God has put on my heart and I have no idea where she'd be if I hadn't spent the last 2 months praying for her. Its not my prayers per say that are so powerful but prayer in general. Prayer is the most powerful tool I have and its the most important thing I'll ever do for anyone and especially one so dear to me. Prayer takes investment. Its a different thing to believe God for someone else....to actually spend the time you have with God on someone else's situation? Its another level of faith. Can I offer that things would be different if I hadn't been obedient? I know so. And I'm so humbled to have been called at all....
I give myself away, so You can use me. Withholding nothing.
Isaiah 50:7
For the Lord God helps Me; therefore have I not been ashamed or confounded. Therefore have I set My face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.
God's faithfulness is unmatched. When I've faltered and failed in every single relationship I've ever been in, He hasn't. He's been my very present help at all times. Even when I didn't seek Him, I belonged to Him, so He chased after my heart. He kept me when I wasn't making any attempts to keep myself. He is. He just is. I know that when I stand on the Word of God, nothing can shake me. Opinions, disappointments, accusations, none of those matter when I know I'm in the center of His will for me. I also love that every single time He's spoken to me, its come to pass. It wasn't easy in the waiting but He always made a way and its grown my faith exponentially. Can I offer that waiting on God is a powerful life altering experience? It is.
Isaiah 51:1
Hearken to Me, you who follow after rightness and justice, you who seek and inquire of [and require] the Lord [claiming Him by necessity and by right]: look to the rock from which you were hewn and to the hole in the quarry from which you were dug;
In His image were we created. God's the blueprint from which humanity was designed. He is the rock from which I was made. And when I think about how much more like Him I became by accepting His Son's sacrifice for me, I realize that for me God is inescapable. His truth endures. His Word is everlasting. His grace is sufficient for me. He's enough. I also realize that He made me for relationship so despite Him being enough, He knows I want people. I need people. I love my people too. My posse is bad y'all. Bad.
But the thing I love is that the Lord is saying "listen." Now...if you've been in a conversation with me that was at all funny, I've said listen to you. Its my thing. But God is saying Listen! If you seek Me and you seek after Me, these are the things that your life will be seeking. What I've found is that when you're moving towards God, there's always a sense of uprightness. I honestly feel more moral and ethical when I'm in His will. His perfect will is never lacking in justice. I'm not slighting people or doing anything that isn't a "this can stand the light of day" activity. What I will say though is that that isn't trivial. There have been times when no one would find out but this practice right here, the word that He's stored up in my heart wouldn't let me fool myself into thinking I could do certain things. I've found a level of delicacy with which I treat others when I'm seeking Him. There's an extra thought there, extra consideration. That's God. Its not me. I'm brash and a little harsh sometimes. God is never that way. Seeing evidence of Him in my life delights me.
Isaiah 51:7
Listen to Me, you who know rightness and justice and right standing with God, the people in whose heart is My law and My instruction: fear not the reproach of men, neither be afraid nor dismayed at their revilings.
Oh so now I know rightness because my His instruction and His law are in my heart? Ok then. I didn't know that was next y'all. I promise I didn't say I love seeing Him in my life knowing He was going to say "yup, I'm on your heart and thus you're in right standing with me." He be knowing y'all. Knowing! So listen, I think this verse is so important.
Firstly, knowing His law and His instruction are critical. Love. Its that simple. God's law is love and His demonstration of that is about to be commemorated on Friday. God sent His son to the cross because of love. He tore the veil because He loved us and wanted us. The instruction piece is real. God never leaves us without instruction. Sometimes its just wake up, bible study, go to work, hit the gym, talk on the phone, and pray but those are still instructions. Every day isn't a day of great purpose from your own perspective but they're all important and He's always there. The other thing about instruction is that when He wants you to do something new, He'll tell you. Silence doesn't mean He isn't speaking. It means go back to the last thing He said to you or put on your heart and do that. I've often gotten caught up in wanting new instructions and God already been clear. His lack of new instruction is because I haven't actually done all that He's asked.
Next, its essential to know you belong to Him. I am acute aware of the fact that all the good and pleasing things I do are Him working through me. Phil is selfish. She wants to watch Netflix. She wants to nap and go shopping. She wants to eat everything. EVERY. THING. Phil isn't that awesome but the God in me is. God makes me the person y'all like. God makes me crave this time with Him.
I am His beloved. Holding onto that reality isn't no small deal. Its everything.
I say that because of the last piece of this verse. Fear not the reproach of men. <----But people is who I live around and with....how can I avoid fearing this? With effort that's how. Having your people not be your side is NOT trivial. I've had to seek out my own people for the better part of my life. From Shannon's parents coming to my symphony concerts to Sarah being unable to drive and thus available all the time. My past loves were also my people. The reproach of those you assume will love you unconditionally is terrifying. Its also a reality. Its also why I've sought people who I can show up with completely. When the God in you agrees with the God in someone else, that's a person He's brought you. Hold onto that. You will probably need them. Lord knows I have.
Isaiah 51:16a
And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand,
The shadow of His hand? Remember that part about imprinting yesterday? No? Go back and get that in your life then come back to this. There's such importance in being in His hand. I think being in His hand is peaceful but there are definite boundaries. There's only so much you can do...there's only so far you can go. There are limitations. I find them popping up in my life all the time. God is only going to let me go so far and do so much that isn't what He has for me. When I think about the fact that I got into one med school and it was the one He clearly told me was His will I know that was a boundary. Why? Because He knew I was weak. I still am in so many ways. He knows me. He knows given other opportunities I might not have chosen His perfect will but rather His permissive. I want to want His will sometimes but I don't actually want it. Getting to the place where you only want His will is an uphill climb. He's been so faithful all my life but I still have me to contend with and me doesn't always want to wait for promises...I want them now. But on good days, His patience in me abounds.
The imagery of holding hands comes to mind. There's a required closeness to do so. You can't be that far away and hold anyone's hand. Eventually your connection won't be feasible. He's holding me. He's holding you. He's got this. Whatever you're bringing Him, He's got it.
Oh and the words He puts in my mouth? Mind blowing and so true and timely. I'm often shocked by what I appear to be saying but I know its Him. I know that when people come to me sideways about being a lesbian or being Black and I don't snap....that's God. The teaching moments I take with people in those situations, that's a personality trait He put in me. He's grace and He allows me to extend it too.
Isaiah 51:22
Thus says your Lord, the Lord, and your God, Who pleads the cause of His people: Behold, I have taken from your hand the cup of staggering and intoxication; the cup of My wrath you shall drink no more.
Listen, I wouldn't be able. I'd be so unable under the wrath of God. I need His love, His kindness, His tender mercies, His grace, His devotion, His care, His strength, His protection of my heart. I need Him in so many ways that I know I couldn't live outside of the thorough and sufficient drenching of my soul in the blood of the Lamb. I need Easter. I need the cross. I needed the work of the cross to be finished. And it is. It is finished. Welcome to love.
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