Tried by Fire

I've written so much lately about letting the Lord use my mouth and have me to say the things that edify and not tear people down. Yesterday....yesterday was a test. Yesterday, someone was cold towards me for no apparent reason. Yesterday, someone who I've shown up for time and time again, forgoing sleep and pushing back my dissertation to be where ever they needed me to be, decided that that wasn't worth much. Yesterday, I almost ended a relationship I've been in for over a decade.

The thing I saw God do was three fold: 1. He didn't let me fool myself into giving this person a pass for their bad behavior. I almost gave them the benefit of the doubt that they actually were too busy to be a decent person BUT they accidentally sent me a text message meant for someone else which more than explicitly told me that wasn't the case. You're planning a party but you're telling me you have so many things need your full attention and thus you don't have any time for me in the previous message intended for me? Okay. Now because I didn't decide to pop off at the mouth I got to learn something. I asked if I had offended them and I brought up how long we'd been friends and they gave me this.

"No but you're overly pushy." I took that information directly to google and found out that pushy means unpleasantly assertive. This is where God did the second thing. What was it? Glad you asked. The 2nd thing was to show me that some people don't want the truth. I take very seriously all the relationships I'm in and if there's a problem, especially if there's a kid is involved, I'm going to say something. The last thing you want to do with a person like me, a person who has a very clear sense of what is right and what is wrong, is ask for my opinion. Don't ask me what I think if you don't want the truth. I don't give people the truth lightly but I do give it because I genuinely assume you want it. This is where the 3rd thing comes in. 3. I need to learn more about how to gauge what people are actually looking for when they ask me questions. I'm going to need a stronger spirit of discernment for this but I think it will start with simply asking "Do you actually want to know what I think?" and praying for that discernment ASAP.

So yea, I didn't end that relationship yesterday but that's because I let God move instead of moving ahead of Him. I gathered all the information at my disposal and realized that my over the top kindness wasn't the problem. They were.

Isaiah 52:6

Therefore My people shall know what My name is and what it means; therefore they shall know in that day that I am He who speaks; behold, I Am!

The name Jesus is a prayer all by itself. I've been praying it very regularly since I became a scientist. I say it every time my data isn't looking like its going to be legit. What I love about saying just Jesus in the lab is that now my lab members say it too. They don't know they're praying but they are. :-)
In my life I've learned a lot about what Jesus means. He has meant so many different things over the years but right now He means peace. I know that when you belong to Him, its not going to be easy but its going to be possible. The possible gives me an inner tranquility unmatched. When you've been without peace, peace can blow your mind.
He also means love. Love that's unconditional and without boundaries. When I think about the fact that we're commemorating His ultimate sacrifice for us this weekend, I'm reminded of what it means to actually love. It doesn't always mean words, it often requires action. Jesus made His love an action. I strive to be that way in my relationships. I want to be the kind of person that demonstrates love. When I was praying last night I thought about the definition of Love in the Bible and realized that God had simply described Himself. That definition -patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongs, isn't easily angered, protects, hopes, trusts, preserves- that's God. The more I strive to be like that, the closer I am to Him. The more He grows that in me, the less I see of my own human nonsense.

Isaiah 52:7

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good tidings, who publishes peace, who brings good tidings of good, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, Your God reigns!

Let's get one thing straight. I love my feet. I really really do. I spend a lot of time doing them. I've bought my fair share of high priced bottles of toenail polish and I make it happen almost year round. I also have really pretty feet. To this day I refuse to wear certain types of shoes because I don't have any blemishes on my feet and I want to keep it that way! Right now I'm wearing a beautiful shade of orange red. Now, I clearly don't think my feet are beautiful because I'm always bringing good tidings but Lord knows I'm trying to be. I try to be a person who does this but can I offer that there's a necessary anchoring of the spirit that allows for this type of disposition? I know I need it. I know that yesterday, without the Word and without this devotional, I wouldn't have behaved like the kind of person who only brings good tidings. Why? Because I wouldn't be compassionate enough to see anything from any other side and I wouldn't be patient enough to wait to see what's actually happening. When I think about the peace that God gives, I know that that's what other people need extended to them. I'll bless you in your reality and let you do that thing. Fact is, God's got it. He's got you and me.

Isaiah 53:3

He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and like One from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him.

The He was Jesus. The Savior was not popular at all. Though He sinned not and have a flawless relationship with the Father, He didn't always have a positive relationship with other humans. He had issues with the religious leaders of the day and He often ate and spent time with those the general public didn't regard as worthy. The thing about Jesus was that He knew He needed to be with those who were informed and living in sin because He was the sacrifice for their right standing with God. Sick people go to the hospital. Sin sick people go to Jesus.
I've found in my life that when you do try and be what people actually need, they often don't respond in kind. I think that's something like the way people reject the love of Jesus. Its like no one expects you to care deeply about them. People can't believe the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and thus they don't accept it. Can I offer that Jesus not only knew He was the sacrifice but His obedience to God in going to the cross demonstrates that just because something doesn't seem reasonable doesn't mean it actually isn't reasonable? Jesus was the full, perfect, and sufficient sacrifice. God loving you to this degree, to willingly sacrifice His Son, isn't reasonable to us but it happened. The cross is real. His love is real.

Isaiah 53:5

 But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.

The work of the cross is finished. Its done. I think there's a misunderstanding among people about what finished means. Its complete. There's no more that is required. You can't be good enough, do enough or go to church enough to be holy. You've already sinned too much and fallen so far short of the glory and so have I. But what I know is that Jesus's body was crushed for us. He was hung high and stretched wide that we might not know the death due to use as a result of our sin. The price for this relationship I have with God was Jesus. The veil was torn so that I could boldly and without reservation go to the Father. Jesus had to be broken for me. And He was willing?!?!? Did y'all get that? Jesus was willing to go the the cross that I might have grace. He was willing to go to the cross so that His blood would speak on my behalf. He justified me and His blood speaks through all of eternity for me. I cost God His only Son and He was still willing. He didn't take the cup from Jesus. Jesus went to the cross and died there that God and I would have the opportunity to walk out my life together. Love? That right there, what Jesus did...laying down is life not for His own sake but for mine, that's love. He was obedient even unto to death. His death gave me life.

Isaiah 53:7

He was oppressed, [yet when] He was afflicted, He was submissive and opened not His mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so He opened not His mouth.

I find it so humbling that God stayed in the cross. Jesus was both fully man and fully God. He could have called down an army of angels and slayed the crowd. He could have in all His infinite power got off the cross. Do you understand what that means? That means He could have decided not to give us salvation. We could have been without salvation. We could have no relationship with God the Father. There could be no blood to make us white as snow. Jesus had that kind of power on the cross. He wasn't beyond being able to get off the cross but He chose not to get off the cross. He chose to give salvation by remaining on the cross and giving His life instead. Salvation is a gift. He could have kept it but instead He gave it freely. Roll that around in your head for a moment. Yea....that's love.

Isaiah 53:11

He shall see [the fruit] of the travail of His soul and be satisfied; by His knowledge of Himself [which He possesses and imparts to others] shall My [uncompromisingly] righteous One, My Servant, justify many and make many righteous (upright and in right standing with God), for He shall bear their iniquities and their guilt [with the consequences, says the Lord].

 When I think about who I was and who I am now, I know it was nothing but God. Let me tell you. Ain't no way. Ain't no way I'm the way I am because of me. Ain't. No. Way.
NONE!
Phil just isn't that awesome. She's not. She may appear to be but let me tell you that's Jesus. Here the Word says very clearly that Jesus justifies many and makes them righteous. Any good thing you've seen is simply evidence that He lives on the inside of me. I wish I could keep up the things He enables me to do but honestly, I just keep up this practice of seeking Him and He does the rest.