Isaiah 30:1-2
Woe to the rebellious children, says the Lord, who take counsel and carry out a plan, but not Mine, and who make a league and pour out a drink offering, but not of My Spirit, thus adding sin to sin;
Who set out to go down into Egypt, and have not asked Me—to flee to the stronghold of Pharaoh and to strengthen themselves in his strength and to trust in the shadow of Egypt!
I don't have any plans. Well I do, but they're the ones God has for me. I know that might sound strange but I've asked Him so many times about so many things that I'm sure that I'm in the center of His will for me. That was these people's problem. A plan that doesn't consult God: no bueno. I'm not about that life. I know exactly when the last time I heard God for myself was and I'm doing that. The rest is God's business. I may know what He's going to do but I'm just going to trust since there's nothing I can do and nothing I want to do. I want a testimony. I love having the one about feeling God say "This is what I have for you." Howard is the first time I've heard this phrase but the 2nd time I've had this feeling. I had it for the first time at Eppley Air Field in Omaha, NE. I didn't remember that until just now. I was overlooking the balcony on the 2nd floor and I'd already accepted the position from my PhD advisor and I was calling back to UNC to tell them and I just felt peace. That was about 6 days before I graduated from Hampton.
I've learned that asking is so important. I'd be in such a different place had I not asked some very hard questions. God, help me to always seek you first for direction. You never leave instruction-less. Help me to hold on to the instruction I already have and be faithful in it. You are my only refuge and my ever present help. Let the you in me shine through in these trying times.
Isaiah 30:11-12
Get out of the true way, turn aside out of the path, cease holding up before us the Holy One of Israel.
Therefore thus says the Holy One of Israel: Because you despise and spurn this [My] word and trust in cunning and oppression, in crookedness and perverseness, and rely on them,
What I'm not doing? Turning my back on Jesus. Girl WHET? Where do they do that that at? Never. Never am I ever doing that. I remember my mentor telling me that the only place you can go is down the hall. You can't actually ever leave. I think about all the times I did. The clinging to Him kept me safe. The clinging to the truth of His word kept me whole. When I wasn't, that's how I got some of these scars. When I was quite literally down the hall, that's when I got lost in my storm. That's when wrong became right and punishment became what I deserved. I know now that none of that was God. All of that was a manifestation of the fact that He loves me more than I love myself. He is my safe place and I want everyone to know Him like that. He's my covering. I am His beloved. Straying from Him hasn't been the move for me ever. I'm a cuddler. I'm clingy. His Word is my comfort with a few awesome assists from my little boys and my love.
Isaiah 30:15a
For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Can I tell you He'll take you back? All your brokenness, all your shame, all your doubts, all your pain? Because He will. He will always take you back. He'll always bring you back into the fold. He'll always. I don't think I'll ever have a grasp on always.
Resting in Jesus must be what it feel like for my mentor's kid to nap on me. I'm sure it is. I look down at his little face and I think, "Its been 2.5 hours and he's just getting his life on my chest." That's the closest illustration I can think of. I've rested in Him. It is the sweetest relief. Its not on me. Its not up to me. Its not dependent on me alone. He's got me. And there's quiet there. There's a peace that makes no sense. You can peak open your eye and look around at all the chaos and when you close them back there's nothing. Nothing but you and Jesus and the overwhelming flood of love He has for you. Quiet isn't something I often long for but its something I definitely have with Him.
Isaiah 30:18
And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him
He's waiting. God is a gentleman. He doesn't force Himself on you. You've got to choose Him. You've got to choose to believe, to have faith, to invite Him in. You've got to consent. A friend of mine was talking about this recently. In Christianity there is consent. You have to allow God in. You aren't His until you choose to be. And when you choose to be....tis so sweet. I chose Him a long time ago and its the defining decision of my entire life. There's so much behind the consent. Once you do He's a tidal wave. I feel like I'm often under water. There's so much that comes with knowing Him. There's an assuredness of purpose and love and never ending grace and mercy. There's a faithfulness He's shown towards me that is beyond description. There's rest for my soul. There's so much that He wants to give you but He waits....He waits to be gracious. He wants to, but you've got to let Him.
Isaiah 30:20-21
And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide Himself any more, but your eyes will constantly behold your Teacher.
And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.
Storms. I've had them. I've been in the middle of them. Its hard to consider that the God you love and serve allows them, even gives them. I see evidence of that throughout Isaiah and the Bible. But what I love about Verse 20 is that He doesn't hide from us in adversity. I know when I was in my storm, He was closer than a brother and He used my friends but I had to let Him be. I had to stop strong arming God and seek Him earnestly for His will and not my own. Can I tell you that there's sometimes a chasm between my will and His? There is. That often times He has to bring me to His will? He does. And that I don't always want His will? Cause I don't initially. I'm human. I want what I want. God is God....He's got better but that's not a reality I can always see.
With His will either He reveals it and lets me work that out with Him or He simply tells me no and redirects. They're both hard. They both require more from me in my faith and my trusting of who He is. That His purpose is always for my good isn't always a perspective I can understand. But I hear Him. I hear Him all the time....not always with my ears though sometimes, with the big stuff its very much words. But daily whispers of the Spirit, feelings that I should do one thing or shouldn't do another. Send this text message, don't say that say this. He's constantly guiding me if I'm open to it. If I'm quiet in my Spirit, He's right there.
Isaiah 30:30
And the Lord shall cause His glorious voice to be heard and the descending blow of His arm to be seen, coming down with indignant anger and with the flame of a devouring fire, amid crashing blast and cloudburst, tempest, and hailstones.
I NEED THE CROSS! I NEED IT! What I cannot do is the righteous and holy anger of the Lord. I am not able to handle an ounce of that. I'm so thankful that the work of the cross is complete and I live under the blood of the Lamb. That I have an inheritance of the kingdom of God blows my mind. This relationship is only possible because of the sacrifice of the Son of God for the children of God. I'm so thankful that I have not only a righteous and holy God but one who sees me as He sees His son. I've only known love from the Father, and quite frankly is the only way I could do this. God is love and His love endures. The grace that comes through the shed blood of Jesus is such a moving and awe inspiring gift. Grace....I need it every day.
Isaiah 32:8
But the noble, openhearted, and liberal man devises noble things; and he stands for what is noble, openhearted, and generous.
I want to be like this man. I want to be generous. I want to be openhearted. I'm striving for both. I'm not sure what noble is so I'm going to look that up. It means righteous or virtuous. Yup, I want all of that. These things are the things I strive to be in my life. I want to be the kind of person that's available to everyone. I want people to feel like they can bring me whatever they've got and we can talk about it and more importantly, we can pray about it. When I think about being open to praying with and for people, I know that I need this devotional. I need to get in my time with Him. I need to know Him deeply and intimately to even be capable of going before the throne for other people. I've got to do the work myself before I can ever ask anyone else to.
My people recently told me that I'm affirming of people or give them a chance most people don't. I never thought about the way I teach in moments of prejudice instead of writing people off because of their ignorance about my blackness or my homosexuality but apparently they had. I want to be that person that teaches instead of condemns.
I also think about how I want to be in my love life. How I actually am right now and I think that these are areas that I try and give a perfect effort to. I want to be upright and openhearted. I want you to feel like you've been brought into a place where nothing but love and acceptance exist. I want to be overwhelming in my devotion. I want you to know you're my sunshine and my joy, that you delight me.
Isaiah 32:17
And the effect of righteousness will be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever.
There's that word again: quiet. I love the quiet. When I use to consider what type of engagement ring I wanted there was a particular one I loved...the asher cut. Why? Because its got steps in it. The ring is literally steps down to the bottom and you can see clear to the bottom. I always thought about the fact that at the root of my marriage would be me, God, and my spouse. And coming up and out from that would be close family, family and friends, and people I know. That farthest out would be the people around me but the people closest to me, the person I've chosen to spend my life with would be ant the bottom, closest to me...an actual part of me. That the root of everything would be me and God and them. You know what you get the less people you have around you? Quiet. Quiet was at the bottom of the ring. You know what else was there? Peace. The most peaceful place I've ever been with another person has been quiet. I think quiet is today's word.
I also think about peace. Peace in the midst. Peace despite. Peace like a babbling stream. Peace like and gust of wind. Peace that overwhelms and heals and protects. Peace has been my fervent prayer. Peace will continue to be on my lips. Its is the overwhelming desire of my heart for her. Its so far away but it still exists. I'm calling Him.
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